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Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

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Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#551

Post by Desafinado »

SchemaLoad wrote: post #514
Desafinado wrote: post #330

Everyone always gets the causality reversed. Social media didn't cause the epidemic, it filled a niche to help cure the epidemic. People were lonely long before the internet arrived, the internet just made it easier for those lonely people to connect to each other. And now many of them prefer the internet over socializing with people they don't care for that much in person. In other words, the problem is structural.…

Yes of course people were lonely before the internet and social media, but that pushed them to go outside and solve the problem. Now they do the digital equivalent of taking drugs to make the problem go away.

I think you're oversimplifying and overgeneralizing. Plenty of people remained lonely back in the day, plenty of people socialize now. It's just that now they have the option to socialize through the internet.

Prior to the internet people were staying home and watching TV. The dynamic is much longer lived than you think. Check out the book 'Bowling Alone'.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#552

Post by jacobgkau »

t-writescode wrote: post #528
jacobgkau wrote: post #381

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> or into the first floor of your apartment complex. I wouldn't trust a cafe built into an apartment complex. I'd expect it to be low-quality, over-priced food placed specifically to try and make a quick buck off people who don't know any better or who physically can't get somewhere better. You're right that it goes beyond car culture (and zoning laws are part of car culture), but I think it also goes beyond zoning l…

I’m literally surrounded by these shops, as is anyone in any town that doesn’t depend on suburbia. It’s *wonderful* and the prices are good. I’m eating a whole dinner for about $10 tonight, out. Easily like 1300 calories of very delicious food. In the PNW.

You're "literally surrounded" by cafes built into the first floor of your apartment complex? Because that's what I was very clearly talking about. Not shops within walking distance.

(I didn't ask and don't care if you think your cheap meal's "very delicious," by the way. That's not the main indicator of quality. Many Americans would call a Big Mac "very delicious.")

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#553

Post by jacobgkau »

SchemaLoad wrote: post #451
jacobgkau wrote: post #381

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> or into the first floor of your apartment complex. I wouldn't trust a cafe built into an apartment complex. I'd expect it to be low-quality, over-priced food placed specifically to try and make a quick buck off people who don't know any better or who physically can't get somewhere better. You're right that it goes beyond car culture (and zoning laws are part of car culture), but I think it also goes beyond zoning l…

Only if it's a rare novelty. If having a cafe near by is just the norm, it isn't any more expensive.

I didn't say "near by," I said "built into an apartment complex," which is one of the things the person I replied to threw out casually as an option.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#554

Post by SoftTalker »

publicdebates wrote: post #478
hadlock wrote: post #476

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not only do you need to create the things to do, but you need to pick up the phone and CALL them (on the telephone! not voicemail, not whatsapp/facetime) and have a conversation with them. Sometime in 2006-2008 we started sending people online invites to parties and the habit of calling people died out. If you call 12 people, on the telephone, and invite them for a dinner party next weekend, and 12 people say yes, I…

I see young people facetiming each other all the time, maybe a little too much. It definitely fills the same role as audio calls used to. But I just text. I remember when texting started to become a thing, and I was very much looking forward to the absolute convenience of being able to read and respond whatever I had time, and not have to deal with a phone call. I wonder if that was common in my generation (millenial…

Saying yes to a text invite seems less of a commitment to me. Maybe that's generational.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#555

Post by NedF »

hombre_fatal wrote: post #286

Spending time in parts of Latin America or western Europe or east Asia and then coming back to the US, you can see a lot of ways in which we've built loneliness into the fabric of US culture. It goes beyond car culture. It's probably illegal to build a cafe within walking distance of your neighborhood or into the first floor of your apartment complex. Americans get an idea of how bad we have it when we go on vacation…

[dead]

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#556

Post by hn_throwaway_99 »

neilk wrote: post #438

You have to be the one who creates things to do. Really, that’s it. You want to play D&D together, you host and DM. You want to just hang out, you reach out and propose what you’re doing. You want more purposeful and meaningful time, join a volunteer group you vibe with. Even if it’s meeting for coffee. You have to be the one who reaches out. You have to do it on a regular cadence. If, like me, you don’t have little…

I think I saw this quote somewhere else on HN about a post lamenting how difficult it can be to make new friends after age 30 or so:

Finding new friends as an adult can be exceedingly difficult, but becoming a friend to someone is surprisingly easy.

Lots of people (and if I'm being honest I'm one of them, so no judgement) just sort of expect friendships to come to them. But if you actually do the hard (and somewhat socially risky) work of inviting people to do things, offering to help unsolicited, organizing gatherings, etc. new friendships are much easier to come by.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#557

Post by swat535 »

Barrin92 wrote: post #449
fbn79 wrote: post #371

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Join a religious organization to fight loneliness is like start smoking to loose weight.

it also doesn't even fight loneliness. Loneliness isn't solved by merely not being physically alone. I grew up in a Catholic environment but because I bought exactly none of it the religious environments were exactly where I felt most isolated. You're not solving loneliness by joining a cult or a gang. You can only deal with it by making authentic connections to people you actually want to be with. Countless of peopl…

I agree, unless faith actually means something to you, forcing yourself to go to church won’t help. Sitting through Mass miserable, disbelieving, and avoiding everyone defeats the whole purpose.

Churches get brought up a lot because they regularly gather people (weekly or even daily) and offer events, volunteer opportunities, and so on.

The point is to find an activity you like, with a specific group of people and consistently attend.

P.S As a fellow Catholic, I’m really sorry you went through such an isolating experience. I hope things feel much better for you now

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#559

Post by juggerl3 »

PlatoIsADisease wrote: post #376
fbn79 wrote: post #371

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Join a religious organization to fight loneliness is like start smoking to loose weight.

Yeah I thought that was weird, along with joining ethnic organizations. I don't really need to explain the religion thing, but ethnic organizations are weird since you are forming an identity based on your unchoosable parent's DNA. I've seen both used by leaders to weaponize their members at their members detriment. Although, if you are doing politics, I can see this being pragmatically useful.

[flagged]

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#560

Post by fatherwavelet »

dfabulich wrote: post #285
ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

This is answering the wrong question. You're answering the question, "In a loneliness epidemic, what can I do to be less lonely?" Your answer is to use self discipline (which is hard) to get out of your house consistently, a decent answer to that question. To actually fix the loneliness epidemic, you'd have to get everyone else to do that. In the 20th century, getting out of the house consistently was the easiest way…

In the 20th century you left the house because otherwise you were bored.

I love being alone but I am not "lonely" and I am never bored.

When I go for a walk on a beautiful summer night in America, always alone, there is rarely anyone outside. They are in the house, mostly alone unless they have a partner/kids.

I think we have a loneliness epidemic because we have a culture that makes it fun to be alone. Some people don't like this level of being alone but many do. Those that do aren't really going to pitch in to help so I am not sure what the solution is. You can throw a party but I am not going to show up. I would rather be alone. This is enough interaction. There is also a culture of narcissism, hyper stimulation or both involved I imagine. I can't just close the browser window in person if the conversation seems boring or jump to something more interesting instantly. I would even say that being alone is more fun now than hanging out at someone's house in the 20th century. There is just so much more to do. The group was less bored together but it was still pretty boring then. That is why going to the bar was so popular. Not much else to do then besides get drunk and smoke cigarettes in groups to get rid of the boredom.

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