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Ask HN: How to be alone?

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Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#541

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've read 9 years of philosophy. Its never happening. It gets worse than you know. Not only is the doctrinal god not real... not even the Stoic thiest god more valid than agnosticism. (Epistemology) It gets worse: There is nothing that says the words of human are more valid than looking to nature. There is 0 way to factually chose between them. (Epistemology) It continues to get worse: Circles aren't real, they are a…

You will be better served investigating alternative definitions of God, such as the pantheistic god; the panentheistic god (encompassing not just the physical universe but the intellectual one as well); or simply the Aristotelian "first cause" proven (non constructively) to exist of necessity by various cosmological arguments, rooted in ex nihilo, nihil fit and rejection of infinite regress (preferring axiomatics in…

I'm agnostic, not atheist.

There can be a God, but I don't see him writing any messages in the sky. I def don't think the doctrines given to us by old men are god.

(Also, I try really hard to stay away from contemporary philosophy because most people are academia, and academia is awful. I genuinely think they are subpar, but mostly because they are indoctrinated with platonic realism and that permeates/infects them.)

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#542

Reading makes me feel addicted to life. I was a decent reader as a kid, then for the longest time I couldn’t read. I got psychological help to recover my attention, and gently started reading 10 mins of something easy after waking up. Now I read at a pace of about 1.5 books per week and I can’t get enough of it. There are so my worlds that I want to explore further. Russian literature. The history of ideas. Sci-fi. 1…

It's a really great habit. Here's my personal take: https://blog.gpkb.org/posts/make-reading-habit/ But like many things, you do have to do it for the right reason. If you go into it thinking it's going to "fix" you, then you won't enjoy it, you'll just be wondering how many more pages are required before you're better. I once read Hyperion because a crush has read it. I didn't enjoy a single page because all I was t…

If the habit's not there I would always recommend starting with readings that are immediately pleasurable, like you mention on the post. But for me increasingly challenging myself has been an important part of the process, and I never stopped believing in the benefits because I had previously experienced them.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#543
I am a decade+ older and in the winding down stage of the second marriage. I was where you were after the first marriage and am coming back to the same place because I jumped into the second one too fast. I also had a serious burnout/depression and spent 3 months medical digging myself out of it by reading the psychology literature and looking for help in many places, some unusual.

So, I am going to say a bunch of things that helped me. The challenge is that maybe they will not seem helpful from exactly where they are, because they may be two or three steps ahead of exactly what you need. But, if the stuff resonates, let me know and I will be happy to give more details over the email. The most important point is, there is a way out. And there is a lot of resources out there to help you to find the way out. But you need to take ownership over it. In the way that works for you. Which is catch-22 right now because you are overwhelmed. But maybe something below will help you to find a direction you can move in and then you add the rest.

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Psychiatrists do not make you better. They get you back to the societal mean. At best. Psychologists may or may not make you better. Actually, they do not make you better. They walk along with you as you make yourself better. They are "the tool" not "the leader". Which opens up a question of whether they are the right tool. I looked at maybe 30 different psychological approaches trying to figure out which one was for me. And, nearly accidentally, discovered John Rowan, who wrote a lot of books on therapy, personal growth, etc. And deep in one of the books, there was a table which split personal positions and therapies into four categories (columns). The table blew my mind. I think it was in the book Personification (ISBN: 9780415433464).

It says that people may be in one of four major places. In first column, they may identify and judge themselves against society and its norms. That's where psychiatrists and psychological approaches like CBT work.

In second column, they want to redefine themselves (I want to be the kind of person who does X - e.g. cooks fancy dishes). So, they have internal resourcing and internal guidance. Gestalt therapy works in there.

In third column, they believe not in society but in external entity. God, angels, tarot, etc. Jungian approach resonates for those people, but so does Tantra, etc.

And, in fourth column, there is non-dual people. Taoism, some Buddhism (Dharmakaya, not Nirmanakaya).

The point is. Do you know which of these are you? I am column 2. And when I understood that, it became easier to see when something was aligned to my solution path and when something was "trying to help" but was using a terminology that was very misaligned to my internal process.

I am guessing your definition of self was coming from your partner before. And now you are still aching for that definition, but it is not available. So, you have roughly four options: 1) Find another source of definition of you, given to you by external sources. New partner, workaholism, group that will gladly take all of your time. That's column 1 solution. 2) Decide to figure out who "you" are. Basically, The Ship of Theseus approach. Decide that "I am the kind of person who is .... (great home chef)" and then do whatever is needed to become that. That's a lot of soul searching. And a lot of scaffolding building. I am doing this right now. I found Existential Therapy approach helpful to think through that. I found Sara Kuburic's book (It's on me, ISBN: 9780593449264) surprisingly good overview for that, as I prefer to do deep work myself. Victor Frankl is existentialist, but I did not find his book that useful, I think the therapy modality that is built on top of philosophy is way more relevant. 3) Decide to lean on external non-societal authority (column 3). Go find a Pegan group, start looking at Astrology, wake up your kundalini snakes, etc. Maybe it will resonate, maybe it will not. 4) Go all Tao or Zen or "it is what it is".

There is a little bit of a cheat. A lot of healing work happens in column 3 spaces. But you need to either resonate with them or find a translation layer to be able to participate. I've been building the later for myself, but it is even more work. Worth it, though.

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You do not know yourself, yet. You need to build your interoception. You need to ask yourself a question of "is this interesting to me" and being able to feel the answer. This may feel strange but it is totally doable. You can start by trying to assign numbers to your anxiety strength on any particular day (I have 1-10 scale with breath stop at 11), but it can get way more nuanced. And the deeper you go into interoception, the more clarity you get. Meditation is one (long) way to go there. But, something like Gendlin's focusing is another. There are some groups online that practice Focusing, some even for free.

Also, Authentic Relating, Circling of various kinds, Ann Weiser Conrell free mini-courses, etc. You could be busy online "present" with people every day of the week.

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You may need to grieve. Or some sort of cathartic release anyway. Again, a bunch of ways to do that, you just need to search for them. Sometimes in weird places. Ecstatic Dances are one way people do that (5Rhythms, etc). Holotropic Breathwork is another. Some online breathing groups, too. Look for groups that are present somehow "as they are", often with music.

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You may need to rebuild social skills and/or play test different personas. Improv is amazing for that. I know a bunch of people with depression or anxiety growing and chilling-out through Improv. That also gives you community. And quite valuable skills (hearing what people actually say; or, on advanced levels, what they don't say). It is a lot more than what it promises on the tin.

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Journaling, especially writing things by hand is very useful. Could be morning pages, could be Progoff's Intensive Journal, could be deep chat with LLM. The reason it works is because when you just think those thoughts, your mind compresses a lot of little steps or even skips them. It runs right past the open doors. When you write them out line by line, your brain both reads what is written and - importantly - stops holding on those thoughts too much, because it trusts the external capture. Even if you then burn that peace of paper.

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I did not touch sexuality and sensuality. Not for this site. But, let's just say, there is a lot out there as well, of all kinds. Not just Tantra.

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There is more. Lots more. A bunch of that is in old books from 1970s on archive.org for free. Bunch of it is kind of 303 or 404 level, you need to get 101 sorted first before you understand the concepts. Rituals, liminal spaces, positive effects of placebo, proximate zone of development, the rabbit hole can go very deep. And, it all can be healing when you have sufficient scaffolding for it. The scaffolding is the key, you need to build it for yourself.

The overall point is, there are many paths forward. You are on a threshold of starting to walk one or more of them (Asking HN is a sign that you are getting ready). Don't see "right now" as a terrible time. See it as an opportunity to figure out who YOU really are, and get that solidified before the next relationship. It is hard work, but it is worthwhile work. I did not do that around your age, and I am back at the ground work point again. I can't stress this point hard enough.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#544

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've also seen the reverse. Some people who treat me poorly have a terrible voice in their own head where they trashtalk themselves. It's like they see it as fair to do to others as long as they're not hypocritical about it. Do you talk to yourself the way you talk to me? If so then you need to stop both. When I was younger I was partly guilty of this and still occasionally catch it. But we are always more sensitive…

In meditation, some people call that voice the inner critic. It is obvious that some people have it really badly.

Usually it’s the internalized voice of an authority figure. Most often a parent or grandparent.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#545

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You will be better served investigating alternative definitions of God, such as the pantheistic god; the panentheistic god (encompassing not just the physical universe but the intellectual one as well); or simply the Aristotelian "first cause" proven (non constructively) to exist of necessity by various cosmological arguments, rooted in ex nihilo, nihil fit and rejection of infinite regress (preferring axiomatics in…

I'm agnostic, not atheist. There can be a God, but I don't see him writing any messages in the sky. I def don't think the doctrines given to us by old men are god. (Also, I try really hard to stay away from contemporary philosophy because most people are academia, and academia is awful. I genuinely think they are subpar, but mostly because they are indoctrinated with platonic realism and that permeates/infects them.)

You should work on your reading comprehension skills. Everything you have written is a complete non sequitur.

It's useless to copy/paste words from an LLM when you barely understand what they mean, and you are fooling nobody with your self-professed "9 years" of knowledge.

Perhaps yesterday's commenters were right, and HN should just bar all new accounts from posting entirely.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#546

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like you did not actually learn to cope

Cope, yes. Thrive, no. Surviving forty seven years alone at least counts as coping.

Let me put it this way, you do not seem to have learned to cope very well. Actually focusing on and learning to cope was a big improvement for me.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#547
post #450

I would NOT recommend dating apps, you will most likely not find a real connection there and given the circumstances it might give you anxiety you don't need. I have had a similar path and situation lately and some things that have helped me are group activities like playing sports (I play soccer), group gym activities (I attend a strength and conditioning class) and most recently Bible study (I became friends with a…

Advising that OP believe in an imaginary friend to combat their loneliness is a hell of a take

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#549

1. This will be tough. That doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. 2. Growth is proportional to your willingness to be uncomfortable. 3. Meds can work wonders, AND you can still be depressed. Medicine resolve biological depression. It doesn't resolve situational depression. 4. You will likely go through the stages of grief as you grieve this change. One of those stages is sadness. Again, that's okay. You will grow so m…

> Meds can work wonders, AND you can still be depressed. Medicine resolve biological depression. It doesn't resolve situational depression. It's not quite that simple. You seem to be hinting at the "chemical imbalance" theory of antidepressants, which has been largely debunked. The reality is much more nuanced and complicated.

The chemical imbalance theory is wrong, but that is not a refutation of the idea of biological depression. It just means that one idea about how it works was incorrect.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#550
post #407

To get things out of the way: yes it is hard being alone. But it is also hard to be with someone and is very hard to take care of kids and family and such. And it is waaay harder to be with wrong person. There are no easy roads in life and being single is one of the easiest. Now I’ll focus on practical advise: - gym every day. No excuses. If you don’t know what to do or lack motivation- get a personal trainer. - besi…

> But it is also hard to be with someone and is very hard to take care of kids and family and such. And it is waaay harder to be with wrong person. Strong disagree. It's a different kind of hard. People can handle hard. Running a marathon is hard but a million do so every year for no reason other than maybe it's hard. The difference between taking care of kids and having a family is that it's meaningful and to most d…

> > But it is also hard to be with someone and is very hard to take care of kids and family and such. And it is waaay harder to be with wrong person.

> I don't know what "being with the wrong person" means. There is no "right" or "wrong" person as the world doesn't revolve around you.

Ho boy. Listen, I was married for 6 years, separated / divorced for 5 years, and now have been married for 10 years. You have no idea what kind of hell those last few years of the first marriage were. I had no idea until I'd been separated for a year, and gotten back to some sense of normalcy. I can't even describe to you what it's like to live in a house where you're emotionally wounded continually, or to realize the best you can hope from an attempt at a "date" is "it didn't explode".

One of the problems my ex and I had getting help was that people just couldn't seem to understand how bad it was. We'd describe something, people would say, "Oh yeah, marriage is hard, it will get better." Well no; our marriage was way worse, and it never got better.

The second marriage is so different. It's the kind of hard you're talking about -- we put in effort, it pays off. We argue, then we sort things out. We're not like some movie romance, but we're fundamentally a team. Some part of it is certainly "I learned something"; but a big part of it was definitely "It wasn't all me".

ETA: And, apparently, my ex has now been married to someone else for 11 years. Again, I'm sure she learned something from the disaster of our marriage that helped her in her second one. But I can't help but think there was something more than that: something difference in personality between myself and her current husband, such that she and I couldn't work things out but the two of them can.

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