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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#541

Post by mathgeek »

mikebelanger wrote: post #502
elzbardico wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Plus one in health and physical fitness. Buying a bicycle and using it daily was probably the best investment I ever made in myself. Also, I can't believe that I smoked those filthy cigarretes for so long, but how good is that I stopped this habit. About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when…

There should be a shorthand phrase for "I agree with all parent nodes of this". Like a pseudo OOP-type syntax. Buying a bike and riding it regularly was my single best investment in terms of physical and mental health. A close second would be resistance training equipment, but this depends on what kind of resistance training you decide to do. I'd also say that part of the OP's issues stem from an expectation that one…

> There should be a shorthand phrase for "I agree with all parent nodes of this". Like a pseudo OOP-type syntax.

+1 to everything above

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#542

Post by SantalBlush »

ridiculous_leke wrote: post #525
elzbardico wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Plus one in health and physical fitness. Buying a bicycle and using it daily was probably the best investment I ever made in myself. Also, I can't believe that I smoked those filthy cigarretes for so long, but how good is that I stopped this habit. About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when…

Smoking is also terrible for your social life, unless you only prefer the company of smokers. Most of my childhood friends became weed/cigarette addicts. For my own well-being, I had to stop being in contact with them.

This was not my experience when I used to smoke. Stepping out for a cigarette was the easiest way to strike up a chat with a complete stranger. The best conversations I've ever had were probably done while smoking, with other smokers.

People who have never smoked just won't get it. There is no ice breaker in the world like a cigarette. My social life became harder once I quit, but my body thanks me for it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#543

Post by rchaud »

tayo42 wrote: post #478
nobodyofnote wrote: post #460

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would be careful with that line of thinking. We often envy illusion. We don't truly know that 'those people' are living nearly as wonderful a life as we're inclined to think they are. Further, in my experience, the "perfect life" is always one moment away from "disaster" - be it a health complication, sudden loss, or any of the myriad of ways things go awry. Pain and suffering is not something any of us seems likel…

i mean the gist of the post is right most things are better then > rather than mope around being shy, playing too many video games, jacking off into oblivion, even if their lives are not perfect there are better ways to spend your time then this

Precisely. The OP is describing himself as a stereotype of Redditor/4Chan user.

You can be unhappy without reducing your daily life to a meme.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#544

Post by swat535 »

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

This is excellent advice, I couldn't agree more with Health. Everything else will pretty much fall into place once you take care of it. It will be easier to meet people, you will not have mood swings, or lack confidence. Your mind will be sharper and can think better!

One thing that gets missed often is spiritual health. I believe it's as equally important as physical and mental health. I'm not advocating for extremist religious dogma but at a minimum, I think one should figure out their belief structure one way or another. I recommend to give this matter some thought, research various religions, philosophy and history and make your own conclusions.

On the subject of social contacts, the biggest thing to realize is that our world is shaped by our minds. This means that how your perceive yourself and other people will have a huge impact on your ability to connect with others.

If you constantly see strangers as a threat, or as judgmental people, or "label" yourself as antisocial/timid/unattractive, etc then other people will unconsciously pick up on it. Humans have mirror neurons and can read micro expressions, we are social mammals after all. As a side note, women are _really_ good at this, don't be fooled! you can't _fake_ it! The only way is to actually feel good inside and clear your heart and mind..

Best of luck to OP!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#545

Post by TigeriusKirk »

alangibson wrote: post #522
thread_id wrote: post #425

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. This could not possibly be true. You have only just begun. The mere thimble full fo knowledge and experience that you have accumulated thus far is nothing compared to what lies ahead. But only you can make it happen. Make a decision. Take an action. The comments here are loaded with wonderfu…

> This could not possibly be true. The novelty you experience when doing something new must decrease over time. To say otherwise is to say the world is infinite, which it definitely is not. At some point the buzz one gets from the novelty of new experiences is not enough to make a satisfying life. That's when it's time to look for source of meaning for your life. It's different for everyone. For me and the OP it happ…

The world is effectively infinite relative to your ability to experience it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#546

Post by Aeolun »

erwincoumans wrote: post #376
Aeolun wrote: post #154

Not sure what the answer is, but I feel sort of the same. Having a child and partner helps. It gives me something to hold on to. Though that obviously doesn’t help you right now. But the excitement about a lot of other stuff is just gone. I’m fairly certain it comes from just having seen most things before, and it appears 30+ is the magic age at which you start to feel this. I’m settled in a career, and have no parti…

Not sure where curiosity and motivation comes from, but as others mention, it helps to maintain good health and some social connections/friends. I hope you regain curiosity and see and wonder about things in new ways.

It’s not that I’m not curious. I learn tons of stuff every day. But I recognize it for the ‘knowledge’ it is. Most of the things I learn now do not fundamentally change my understanding of reality. It’s all within the bounds of expectation.

Like, there’s a difference between seeing an airplane lift off for the first time and knowing why it can.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#547

Post by ianai »

altdataseller wrote: post #303
owly wrote: post #230

LOL. Getting old is 35. ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K. Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and n…

I don’t think you need to underplay OP issues. While he may be better off financially than lots of people, feeling lost with little passion for life is still not a good situation, and he deserves to feel the way he does.

It reads like a humblebrag to me.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#548

Post by mancerayder »

For me those feelings are exacerbated by the housing situation, and inflation running hot.

In a high cost of living area, there are two tiers of human being:

1 Those who have purchased a home before the insanity, and have a stability around their housing location and costs.

2 Those who are renting.

A few scenarios. Let's take the 500K figure and the number 2. Number 2 can't quit their jobs to climb mountains and do yoga, because inflation is running hot at 7 percent and in a high cost of living area, that 500K will be depleted rapidly.

The Number 2 can't even take a PAUSE from their tech jobs, because hiring managers see gaps in CV's as red flags. Another red flag is simply being old. So Number 2 MUST continually jump from job to job.

The feeling of excitement about things comes to play in the question of whether one has a choice in the matter; you work in tech because it pays well and you can be house secure. If you can pause and come back, then you can explore yourself and career options. If you can't pause at all, then all you have are therapy or drugs to tolerate the hamster wheel of tech worker life.

500K is a lot on a global scale, it's in the top percentage of the world. But in the HCOL areas (SF, Seattle, NYC), 500K is, unfortunately, not 'enough' to be secure. You can be secure for a couple of years, but unless you put your belongings in storage and spend time in another country (another country that isn't Europe, also expensive), you will deplete your savings AND be an unemployed middle age (35 is too young for that, but 40 is not too young for this risk) person.

One can do all the yoga, clean living, therapy and child-rearing (all the suggestions below), but no one is addressing 'housing security'.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#549

Post by alangibson »

sidlls wrote: post #377
matwood wrote: post #228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? At 44 I have the opposite problem. The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. When I was younger I had the ego of a young person and thought I was always on the cusp of knowing it all. As I got older I realized I was simply unaware. It's a bit cliché, but I started approaching everything, even things I 'knew' with a b…

It's easy to see familiar patterns even in "new" things, though: especially those things that typically bind social networks (primarily shared recreational experiences). There are only so many story tropes to fill books and movies with, shared exercise experiences all blend, card games, board games, etc.--you name it, and odds are that the chance one has "seen it before" increases with age. So while something can be…

Exactly this. Many others are confusing novelty with pursuing specific knowledge or activities.

If you can build a life around mastering Jiu-Jitsu or learning machining techniques, more power to you.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#550

Post by freedom2099 »

alangibson wrote: post #522
thread_id wrote: post #425

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. This could not possibly be true. You have only just begun. The mere thimble full fo knowledge and experience that you have accumulated thus far is nothing compared to what lies ahead. But only you can make it happen. Make a decision. Take an action. The comments here are loaded with wonderfu…

> This could not possibly be true. The novelty you experience when doing something new must decrease over time. To say otherwise is to say the world is infinite, which it definitely is not. At some point the buzz one gets from the novelty of new experiences is not enough to make a satisfying life. That's when it's time to look for source of meaning for your life. It's different for everyone. For me and the OP it happ…

The worlds is big enough to keep finding new things! Not to mention all the new things that are constantly being invented! Recently I have been playing Flight Simulator in VR… just remembering how was to play Flight Simulator 95 back on the days to how it is now my mind is blown! Or better… with a bunch of friend we started enhancing our DnD sessions with very cool AR glasses that we got as backer of a very nice kickstart! The world is full of wonders! To find something new and amazing you have just to look for it!
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