511–520 of 522 posts
Either have kids to prevent having time to think, or just accept that life is meaningless. Remember that happiness is relative to your last phase, there is no such thing as "peak".
You sound kinda judgy, throwing words like "normal" around and giving the shaft to nerdy types. Maybe you're having a hard time finding friends because you're so fucking anti. People are not the labels you assign to them. You can have common interests and form friendships based on that while being from entirely different walks of life. If you only want to be around someone else who is exactly like you, what the fuck…
Hey bub, I think part of the challenge here is you have some hangups and prejudices about “normal” that are not serving you. Your narrative dismisses categories of human beings, as beneath you or not worth considering as people to connect with in a meaningful way. You also dismiss therapy but getting an outside point of view could help you examine some of these assumptions about who you are and who others are. It sou…
There is value in this. If OP has had nothing but negative experiences with said people, it's good he knows to avoid them.
you are very lucky to be in your 30's, there are so many things you can do after work. Join a gym, volunteer, online dating is fun in my 30's I had dates almost every week got to meet a bunch of beautiful girls, also got into running and joined a running club, volunteer. also going to a bar is fun you can go to a bar and just meet a few locals in your neighborhood. Also it depends on where you live. maybe if you are…
It certainly helps if you're attractive. OP seems like the typical lonely coding neck beard that hardly gets a match.
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Eh, I wish them all best of luck, I'm sure they're great people. My point was that people seem to attend various hobbies to find romantic partners, rather than friends.
But putting it the way you did; maybe if we saw a picture of you and if you look like a hunchback smurf then you maybe can say things the way you put them. 'People who attend various hobbies tend to do that to find romantic partners' is a fine way of putting it instead. But you are right; I find that too, which is why I just go work in bars (I mean; sit and code, not serve beer!) instead of trying to meet people at h…
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Bird watching? Ballroom dancing? This has to be a joke, I’ve never met a single person under 60 that does either of these
I don't know about bird-watching, but ballroom dancing is really big in computer science. It was really big in my CS department on the east coast 20 years ago, and it's really big at Stanford now. As far as I understand it, software engineers in the Bay Area have two common hobbies: indoor rock-climbing at Planet Granite and ballroom dancing. I would never have guessed how common they are, but it is what it is. D&D i…
also kiteboarding
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Even supposedly "unattractive" or "aging" women can start to look more attractive as you get to know them. It's really amazing the transformation that can happen. So much of what is attractive is subjective. It's hard to see that when younger, but it's true. Besides, the attractiveness we associate with youth inevitably fades anyway.
I can attest to this. In my 30’s with kids and suddenly women with well behaved kids are more attractive to me. You can find attraction in qualities as much as looks.
After my first horribly failed marriage (and damaged kids due to wife being a complete failure), something clicked in my head and I finally find personality extremely important.
Not sure if it's an age thing or just a change after trauma, but it's been a very positive change.
Weight is still somewhat important at the extreme, but otherwise it's been a 180* shift - really fascinating.
"they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc." So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently a good source of income, I'd advise you to go remote, travel, try digital nomadism, go to meetups, meet other tr…
> So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. I know it sounds bad, but I don't want to meet people like me. I really don't like myself right now :) I'm looking for a way out from this state, not a way to settle in. It's like you can't treat depression by hanging out with other depressed people, it'll make you worse. > Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently…
Become really good at something, make some younger party friends. Meet people through venues not designed around meeting people. Sports e.g. .
I was in a similar rut 'round about 2013. I won't go into details, but sans a very small number of solid-as-granite people, my group of friends disintegrated for various reasons, including everyone I know getting married off, having kids, and being absorbed by one or the other. I got off of my ass. I moved to a completely new geographic area. I sampled every aspect, every neighborhood of my target area, and I looked…