Ask HN: What is wrong with me?

This advice is perfect. Initially (and perhaps always) it is all about the quantity. I have a friend who went from having just a few geeky friends (including me right) to a thriving social life. He wanted to get a girlfriend so he gave it his all for two years. He read things like 'The Game' and cold started hundreds of conversations with strangers.

Don't let people convince you that it's weird or that this should come natural. In the modern world something like 80% of people are lonely, even if they have a partner they might fully dissociated from friends. Being social is not the norm and it takes effort to break from the norm.

Also, and this is just my personal opinion, don't let people convince you that reading literature about this is wrong. Every single book will tell you going out and meeting people is the most important activity, but books like 'The Game' give you tips and tricks on how to overcome anxiety and get more out of your efforts. Don't shirk the pick up artist community, just don't drink the koolaid and start believing oneitis is the bane of existence or that it's OK to insult women. It's actually a great resource if you can look past that.

Anyway, if you want to make this happen fast, make it your full time job. Literally invest 40 hours per week into it. It's what the popular kids did back in highschool, and now you're behind.

Edit: oh forgot, my personal favorite book is 'how to talk to anyone', by Leil something. It's a short book with reminders about social interaction.

The described "best way" is actually the reasoning behind the suggestion for disregarding the definitive answers.

The synonyms for definitive are conclusive, final, ultimate. My advice is not an ultimate one, it is a intermediate strategy (a best one from my point of view) to achieve a definitive answer. So I'll stand by my wording :)

I have another advice:

Since many and me wrote that you should NOT go out and look for friends since it makes you needy and people smell the neediness it's is important to note that having a few good friends is the key to happiness. Just one or two is enough. People you can call anytime.

Now I said that you shouldn't actively look out for those but I am saying at the same time that they are the key for happiness. Without friends depression comes quick.

Let's dive into 'friendship', what are friends? Is there an abstract concept for it? Or what is more interesting here—how does friendship evolve? It's quite simple and we start with an anti example: imagine you met a guy some night you went out. He has some similarities like same interests und you guys both recognize that you need friends and decide to meet more often to do stuff together. You go a few times out and then you guys realize that you have nothing to talk anymore. So you decide to do some active stuff, you guys play tennis, it's fun but you guys are still not friends, after the match you head to your places without talking too much. You go out more often, chase girls together. Fun but you still no friends, rather competitors. So why did no friendship evolve here? You guys had the same interest, did many activities together and still feel awkward together and have nothing of significance to tell?

The answer in my experience is that the relationship I describes before is based on a voluntary setup that means that nobody forced you guys to be together. Every time you met you had to act to see each other, no external force brought you together.

A beneficial setup for evolving friendship is a forced community with a hostile participant or just somebody with more power. Friendship easily evolves there where people have a common enemy and the need to form alliances. School is the perfect example with the teacher as the enemy. The older the people get there are less forced communities. You office is also a forced community with managers as 'enemies' but since there is a lot of change and office politics involved friendships there are very prone to fall quickly apart.

The bigger/stronger/tyrannic the enemy is the stronger your friendship will be and once the enemy is away you friendship will slowly fade.

If you get social offers, say yes as often as possible. Someone wants to go out but you're feeling a bit tired and sitting on the couch? Get off your butt. Short of money? "Watching my alcohol intake this month - will have a couple and then stick to waters if that's OK with you."