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Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
51–60 of 264 posts
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#52Being anonymous make it easier for people to express their "true self", and there's more empathy when you actually see people you're talking with.
While this is sometimes true, I like to think the nastier elements are an emergent side effect of the medium, and not some "true self". Maybe it's an aspect that's suppressed in polite society, but not the whole personality.
I might be naive.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#53HN is a strongly self-selected group of people, with rules against bad-faith arguments. But you can find groups like that in real life too. The special thing about online is that when an obscure topic comes up, someone from the 0.0001% of people with deep knowledge of that subject can chime in. That dynamic basically never happens IRL, because you need a million eyeballs. Like, outside of NASA, where would you encoun…
> HN is a strongly self-selected group of people, with rules against bad-faith arguments I'd love to see those rules enforced someday. There are plenty of examples of such arguments to be found here.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#54There is a real world consequence if people in person act like how they act online. Anonymity makes people act like monkeys since there is no consequence. There are still people who use their real names online and act like morons but they are a minority and have low IQ.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#55I think it's because of an ill-perception about what online forums are. They are not meant to be like real life, they are places for debate. When people debate they take stances that don't necessarily match their beliefs, and that's normal. Every online conversation is derailed because people let their emotions take over instead of remaining detached and treating it as a game. And while people can disagree impolitely, once they stand up from the table they are not going to kill each other.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#56It's impossible to convince most people of even the most obvious truths. The wisest path is to fake agreement, keep your thoughts for yourself and move away ASAP. Online it seems you can get away with more honest talk without consequences. Or at least it used to. Now it's getting more like offline.
Befriending someone makes it easier to convince them of something.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#57I don't understand why comments so far are talking about people online being inconsiderate. I'm talking about the opposite. Was my post unclear?
If not unclear then by far unrepresentative of the internet as a whole. People on the internet are way more likely to be garbage variety drive by haters that seem to cling to mildly controversial topics like it's their sole outlet for aggression.
The only reason that civility could be retained is when there's strong representational or economic incentives to do so.
If you're on Facebook? (Wouldn't know since I've been off their stuff for years), one irrationally bad comment could have a lasting stain on your future representation. People defriend/mute you, and though it may not mean anything to you, it's definitely a negative incentive for a lot of people who attribute much too much emphasis of a snap decision a peer did out of boredom/indifference.
Secondly, economics. If you're a person accumulating weath as a function of influencer/content creator in all its many forms, you're usually a "nice" or an ass-hole persona. If you're the nice person attracting an audience around optimism, showing up to dump drama on your people will start to polarize your communities. Think of the notable people on the internet and think of those that skirt the line. There probably aren't many you can point to that are equal parts positive/pot stir.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#58The way I see it: You are different people on different media. The environment and participants might also change you like day an night.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#59See this: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/greater-internet-fuckwad-theo...
> The Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory (GIFT) is a postulate which asserts that normal, well-adjusted people may display psychopathic or antisocial behaviors when given both anonymity and a captive audience on the Internet
Also there is spell-check and programs that correct your grammar, so people seem well read and articulate but it's things like Grammarly that are making them seem 'Highbrow'.
Worth noting that most communication is done asynchronously meaning people have loads of time to articulate their feelings and post perfect replies, whereas in real life we have a short real-time window to articulate our thoughts.
Re: Ask HN: Why are people in real life so different?
#60People don't feel guilt online, generally, because they either forget the person they are talking to is a vulnerable human, or they just imagine them as someone deserving of their vitriol. However, as soon as they are sat in front of someone and are picking up on the visual clues in facial expressions and body language which make it clear that what they are saying is actually affecting a real person with feelings, al…
In other words, our mirror neurons and empathy aren't made for online communication. On the Internet, we're all psychopaths.