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Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

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Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#51

Post by Arun2009 »

If you haven't heard of it yet, I suggest that you look at Albert Ellis's Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), and start training yourself to aggressively fight any demons that might be haunting you. I highly recommend Ellis's book, "A Guide to Rational Living", which will train you in challenging your own self-defeating thoughts. Note that I don't mean this as a cure-all, but merely as one of the tools you (or anyone else!) should have in their life's toolbox.

The fundamental premise of REBT is that it's not the events in our lives themselves, but our beliefs about the events that upset our emotional state. Hence to change our negative emotions, we must attack through reason the beliefs that promote negative emotional states. Here's is a useful summary of the REBT approach: https://rebtnetwork.org/whatis.html .

What I love most about REBT is that it trains us to be our own therapist. That is quite empowering and liberating!

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#54

Post by barrkel »

AnnoyingSwede wrote: post #38

Like a few other mentioned, don't label your self as damaged and even avoid labling yourself by a prognos you might or might not have gotten. During my life i have seen quite a handful of people with rather small problems blowing them up into unreasonably large sandcastles that only prohibited further development and covered every bridge they wanted to pass. Like many other here i loved computers as a kid but growing…

I do 35 minutes on a 300cc scooter through London.

Too much adrenaline could be a danger sign. For me, there's flow in efficiently navigating the traffic, positioning for vision and visibility, predicting the way cars are going to swerve and where pedestrians are going to pop out. I could go faster, but risk increases non-linearly. As it is, I'm continuously overtaking vehicles.

(I also have a 130hp MV Agusta Brutale, but I don't commute on it often.)

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#55

Post by elmerfud »

jamesrcole wrote: post #47
elmerfud wrote: post #10

First, stop thinking of yourself as mentally damaged. You're normal. If by the time you're 30-40 and you haven't realized that all new things that you encounter will eventually go away, then you're mentally damaged. It's a normal transition from shortsighted childishness to farsighted maturity. You're in the prime of your life. You're at a stage where you have skills and experience to do lots of things and make decen…

> First, stop thinking of yourself as mentally damaged. You're normal I think it's unhelpful to assert things like that when we don't have enough information for making definitive statements. Perhaps they do have some genuine and serious issues? We can't know just from the description given. If they do then acting like they don't isn't very helpful.

Like many of the other commenters, my point was that labeling yourself as broken and assuming the victim mindset is what's unhelpful.

Everyone has issues, literally everyone and understanding that it's normal and not what defines you is what's important. This allows you to acknowledge, embrace, and seek help if needed.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#56

Post by reaktion »

anothergoogler wrote: post #46
AnnoyingSwede wrote: post #38

Like a few other mentioned, don't label your self as damaged and even avoid labling yourself by a prognos you might or might not have gotten. During my life i have seen quite a handful of people with rather small problems blowing them up into unreasonably large sandcastles that only prohibited further development and covered every bridge they wanted to pass. Like many other here i loved computers as a kid but growing…

One nit to pick, a beginning rider should NOT get a 1000cc superbike and then use it for an adrenaline rush. That's a ticket to the ER/morgue.

Agreed. Speaking from experience, any bike is a trip to the ER. Riding in to my office job was one of the best parts of my day - until I was hit head on by a car. It's not worth it to me anymore, cyclists are invisible to drivers!

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#57

Post by DoreenMichele »

I have anhedonia, but I've accepted that when I find something fun that'll go away. It's a symptom of the low-level depression that comes and goes

The ancients had a saying: A sound mind in a sound body.

I think lack of enjoyment is often due to lack of energy, plus unrecognized health issues. There is a lot of research linking depression to diet and brain inflammation. Off the top of my head, a Mediterranean Diet is sometimes shown as correlating to less brain inflammation and less depression. The olive oil used in it is thought to be one of the reasons.

So on top of the fasting and exercise, consider looking at research of that ilk, start a food and health journal and carefully experiment with diet to see if anything clicks.

Best.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#58

Post by jamesrcole »

elmerfud wrote: post #55
jamesrcole wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> First, stop thinking of yourself as mentally damaged. You're normal I think it's unhelpful to assert things like that when we don't have enough information for making definitive statements. Perhaps they do have some genuine and serious issues? We can't know just from the description given. If they do then acting like they don't isn't very helpful.

Like many of the other commenters, my point was that labeling yourself as broken and assuming the victim mindset is what's unhelpful. Everyone has issues, literally everyone and understanding that it's normal and not what defines you is what's important. This allows you to acknowledge, embrace, and seek help if needed.

But you don't know this person's history or current state! You are just assuming it is mere labelling.

You're also assuming that if someone says they are mentally broken they are taking a victim mindset. If someone says they have 20 broken bones and cannot walk is that taking a victim mindset, or might it just be an objectively description independent of their mindset?

Just because everyone has issues does not mean that everyone has the same magnitude of issues. Some people really do have it far worse than others.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#59

Post by hndamien »

jamesrcole wrote: post #58
elmerfud wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Like many of the other commenters, my point was that labeling yourself as broken and assuming the victim mindset is what's unhelpful. Everyone has issues, literally everyone and understanding that it's normal and not what defines you is what's important. This allows you to acknowledge, embrace, and seek help if needed.

But you don't know this person's history or current state! You are just assuming it is mere labelling. You're also assuming that if someone says they are mentally broken they are taking a victim mindset. If someone says they have 20 broken bones and cannot walk is that taking a victim mindset, or might it just be an objectively description independent of their mindset? Just because everyone has issues does not mean t…

Sometimes it is just the perception that they have it worse than others, or worse than where they would rather be. This is all that matters really.

Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?

#60

Post by jamesrcole »

hndamien wrote: post #59
jamesrcole wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But you don't know this person's history or current state! You are just assuming it is mere labelling. You're also assuming that if someone says they are mentally broken they are taking a victim mindset. If someone says they have 20 broken bones and cannot walk is that taking a victim mindset, or might it just be an objectively description independent of their mindset? Just because everyone has issues does not mean t…

Sometimes it is just the perception that they have it worse than others, or worse than where they would rather be. This is all that matters really.

That's not an excuse for saying they're normal and therefore denying what they might actually be going through.

I find it amazing the double standards when it comes to physical vs mental problems. No one asserts to a quadriplegic that their physical circumstances are "normal". No one treats a quadriplegic who says they're quadriplegic as, because of saying this, having an attitude problem.

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