I struggle with the question whether to have children or not. I'm surrounded by new fathers who struggle with their children, whose wives have turned from attractive women into unattractive moms. I read witty comments all the time suggesting how much of a burden kids are. This struggle burns me out.
The answer sounds obvious to me, don't bother. The planet seems to be overpopulated and we are using up resources far faster than the earth can replenish the, is it really going to be a great future for kids to be born into?
LAZINESS! There's so much I can do, yet I'm not doing it all! Spiderman said that with great power comes great responsilibity, and it's been haunting my all my life!
Currently juggling with 2 projects, and I got 2 more ideas I barely started implementing.
I struggle with the question whether to have children or not. I'm surrounded by new fathers who struggle with their children, whose wives have turned from attractive women into unattractive moms. I read witty comments all the time suggesting how much of a burden kids are. This struggle burns me out.
reddit.com/r/childfree
To be fair that is a bit of a bitchfest. Some comments are reasonable, some are a bit over the top.
Long-term: dating/relationships. I'm very outgoing, but I have love shyness or something like that. I basically don't date. I find the entire thing extremely stressful and unbearable. I've always been alone. Short-term: not much! I recently dropped everything and moved to the other side of the globe (Japan) on a student visa. I'm studying a very interesting language and culture and making friends with people from all…
Somewhat similar situation, though living in Tokyo already for quite a while. It would be lovely if we could hang out once.
IMO, software interviewing is pretty heavily broken. I struggled with this and I decided (rightly or wrongly) that the problem wasn't me, it really was the process. Whiteboard coding is nonsense for any other purpose than weeding out the truly incompetent. Past that point, it's a crapshoot. I think homework / portfolio are the most reasonable evaluative tools, but there are some legitimate downsides there around the…
I’m almost convinced at this point that tech interviews are essentially random dice throws and the results have very little if anything to do with whether the candidate is qualified. Failing an interview stings the ego, but it should not—it says nothing about your qualifications.
Agreed, the better I get at software engineering (good top level design, keeping things simple, not over-engineering, not under-engineering, hopefully writing clean maintainable code), the less people seem interested in any of that. Just whether I have used hip new tech x.
Interviewing. I'm good at my good. My portfolio is at least decent, and I get a lot of responses on my resume, but I consistently can't close the deal. I also have a very hard time bettering myself with the lack of feedback. I've gotten better at all the stuff you can read about online and often made it to the final round, but I can't make it to an offer.
Same here - I keep failing the "algorithm" phone screeners. I've been in software dev for a decade but don't have a comp sci degree and it shows a bit. Every few years when looking for a new job I stress and try to re-learn these algorithms that I only ever need to know for these interviews.
That the thing I do algorithmic stuff maybe once a year. The only time I have needed to implement a sort algorithm was for an interview.
My relationship with money. I make more than like 98% of the population but my parents grew up middle/lower class so I'm just constantly worried about having enough for retirement, and having enough money for kids, and having enough money for their education, AND any possible illnesses/issues having seen families with health insurance crippled by things like cancer treatments. It seems like no matter what, I find mys…
Just imagine how the people who didn't save 85% of their paycheck feel!
I think we all worry about this; some are more frugal than others.
However, I know I didn't really worry about this the way I do now until I started having a family.
Protip: Strongly consider moving to Venice Beach, CA or similar. If you're trying to escape the Manhattan grind (would strongly advise) and revamp your life to focus on happiness, there are few better places I can think of.
I'm curious why your advice was so specific. Why Venice Beach?
It's one-half of 'Silicon Beach'. Google LA and Snap HQ are here plus a ton of other tech companies. If you don't want to live in SF or NYC, then it's probably the next one down the list worth considering.
Simple does not imply easy. Go forth into the world and find someone. Expect failure. She may find fault in you. You may find fault in her. Evaluate her as much as she evaluates you. Evaluate your approach, how you speak etc. You’ll need to improve and change. Being afraid to approach means you equate failure with some kind of death. That by itself is a faulty belief you’ll need experience to get rid of. If you want…
Or just modify your goals and your definition of failure to reflect the fact that the other party is an actual human being, not some video game boss who you can keep trying different things with until something sticks. Most of the people you're attracted to won't feel the same about you, or be in a position to act on it if they are. That's just how it is, and for the most part, there's nothing you can do about it. Su…
Most of the friendzone is people not making their intentions clear. I agree with the “just friends” thing however. Just be careful you aren’t wanting more and stay in orbit around her.
A lot of men do have the fear of approaching women so I’d suggest not downplaying its effects or reality. The 300 number is to put a higher limit before giving up. And people do actually give up far earlier than they should in many aspects of life, not just dating.