My career has soared since I've had kids. I don't think it's because of that (and who knows, maybe it would have soared even more had I not had kids) but it also didn't drag me down in any way.
Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?
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Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?
#42> Less hours means less dedication in the eyes of management. You need to change jobs. I work for a fortune 100 company that is extremely supportive of kids and families. They don’t just talk the talk, but they actually walk the walk.
I work at a company in the top 20 IT best places to work. Your statement sounds almost like their's. I feel like I can't switch due to lack of experience, and of course the current market downturn.
Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?
#43I work at Google and usually taking parental leave or even simple paid time-off are not supposed to be penalized. Come performance review season, if you've been absent for 4 out of 6 months in that review cycle, you are usually prorated and evaluated for the 2 months you’ve been around as if that work has sustained for the whole cycle. How much of this we can prove (that it doesn't impact ratings or promotions)? Prob…
Wow, that's awesome if they follow it. I know my company doesn't.
Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?
#44kids are important not money / career. If you need more money to support family then live a simple life where you wouldn't do unwanted expenses. Food cloth shelter, other than these everything else is unwanted for your life and your family.
Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?
#45Not for me. It's turbocharged my career. It helps that I'm at the level where management isn't seeing my contribution as hours in a chair. Having kids gave me something in common with all of our senior management. Anecdotally, that improved relationship has been a hell of a boost for my career success. It certainly will depend on your individual situation. If your management is all childless workaholics, I can see ho…
Agree completely.
Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?
#46What a vile question. Not that I'm suggesting malice on OP's part, but rather that this question is the manifestation of an all-too-common perverse mindset among many young adults in the West that disgusts me. They are victims of the relentless propaganda around empowerment and living one's 'best life' that inevitably leads to childless, lonely, bitter, empty, miserable 40-somethings with a gaping hole in their heart…
Go read /r/childfree. Plenty of people are happy living childless. I know some myself. Children might add purpose to some people’s lives, and might add unhappiness to others. We all go our own way.
Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?
#47Yes, 100% completely. Once I had my kids, I was never as productive as I was pre-kids. But it was completely worth it.
I imagine that's productivity as measured by your career rather than productivity as a combination of work plus all responsibilities at home! Someone up-thread noted that you become more efficient out of necessity.
Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?
#48If your productivity is measured by the hours you put in and not your output, you have a bigger issue than the question if your kid drags down your internal rating or not.
Doesn’t matter if your employer managed to get a bunch of your fellow employees to vote for them in one “great place to irk” survey or other.
Find out what the job you want is, work to get the skills and start looking.
Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?
#49There are many ways and reasons why having kids can slow your career, but the flip side has been more important to me. Kids made me more focused (there’s no putzing around when balancing kids and work) and caretaking allowed my personal responsibility to more fully develop. The experience has made me a better and more effective person.
Re: Ask HN: Do kids drag your career down?
#50Kids—I have 3—reinforce attributes that should be valuable in the workforce. * I ruthlessly prioritize — you have to when you're balancing a family. * I don't dwell on mistakes – milk, quite literally, is spilled on a daily basis. * I'm a better manager – kids teach you to be clear and immediate in your feedback, not to mention more empathetic * I speak better – reading bedtime stories means you practice public speak…
> If you're struggling to find a balance, know first that you're not alone. But recognize quickly that your employment environment may be incompatible with family life, and so what's "slowing your career down" is your management... not your kids or your own performance.
This may come from an already privileged position (I'm doing "well" by most standards and haven't lost my job due to the pandemic), but your relationship with your kids is for the rest of your life. If you don't get your kids right, you may need a high-flying career to pay for all their shit into the future. Get your kids right! If it affects your career, then refer to the above quoted comment, but I would also add that if your kids are slowing down your career then you have your priorities straight.
I don't always have time for my kids every single night, but I'll make up for it at opportune times. Sometimes I feel I'm not connecting with them for a week or even a month, but then a situation will come up where that connection-gap is entirely filled and then some - but you have to be aware of the situations in order to recognize the ones where you can help / step-in and make that connection.
Aside: This is something I didn't think about before having kids, didn't even cross my mind as a "thing". My kids are my reason for living. Life would be empty without them, I'd be potentially suicidal. My career exists to pay for the betterment of the kids. I could clean toilets for all I care, as long as they're on the right track.
Flipside: Bob Hawke, one of Australia's favourite Prime Ministers, is rumoured to have hushed up the rape of one of his daughters because the badly-timed controversy could potentially have slowed down his career path.
Make your choice by what suits your personality, likely somewhere between those two extremes. Not being able to sleep at night will probably drag your career down more than kids (although that's one of the early effects of having kids).