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Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

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41–50 of 130 posts

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#41
post #33

Can you give some more details of how you currently spend your time? Live in a city? How many hours do you work? How long is your commute? Do you work weekends? Live alone?

Work (enjoy what I do) ~40 hours/week. Commute is about 20 minutes one-way. No weekends anymore, thankfully. And yes, live alone. Free time spent reading, tv, WoW, learning. I try to hang out with a friend at least once a week for a few hours

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#42
This is generic advice, I know… but go out and attend a planned activity that requires strangers to interact with each other. It can be salsa dancing, it can be Toastmasters, it can be poker, or anything in between. Just find some sort of time-bounded activity where you interact with people by default and can attend on a set schedule. Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#43

Find a hobby that you want to do more frequently in a week. A hobby that allows you to have lots of people around you that you will see more frequently, but not necessarily forces you to talk to them. This is the first few part of the friendship formula. Proximity and frequency.

+1 To that I would add that consistency is key in forming relationships at activities. If you show up consistently for the same activity without skipping sessions, you automatically become part of the "core group". People new to the group will now look to you for guidance. This will ensure that a) people come and talk to you and b) you are forced to talk to them and help them, and in doing so you'll forget about your own hangups c) your consistency instills confidence in others that building a relationship with you is worth their while

I've observed this in my own attendance at things like weekly pick-up sports games, organized leagues etc. Players who show up week after week are just as well-regarded as more-skilled, but less regular players.

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#44
I was too feeling lonely not long ago after losing my partner of many years. I had fallen into a pretty bad state and just felt more alone with ever passing day. After my grieving I knew something had to be done and I decided to choose between two things I've always wanted to do, boxing and salsa dancing. I eventually enrolled in a boxing academy and love it. My coach is a great man, my fellow sparing partners are almost like family now. I have made a connection with these people I never imagined I would have. I suggest you think of something you've always wanted to do and just DO IT.

Bonus: I also look and feel great now thanks to working out.

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#45
post #6
post #4

I'm an introvert. There's a saying, "You're never alone with a good book." For me, that's certainly the case. If you're not a bookworm, try audiobooks. Also, I love dogs (probably more than most people). They're loyal, do not judge (unless you have a treat), and live in the moment - what more could one ask for?:) Animals can provide a lot of companionship.

My book shelves are overflowing :) I agree, never alone with a good book. But, having spent weeks at a time reading 5+ hours a day, it can become lonely in itself. A doggo might be a good choice

You could also try finding a book club at the local library.

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#46
post #41
post #33

Can you give some more details of how you currently spend your time? Live in a city? How many hours do you work? How long is your commute? Do you work weekends? Live alone?

Work (enjoy what I do) ~40 hours/week. Commute is about 20 minutes one-way. No weekends anymore, thankfully. And yes, live alone. Free time spent reading, tv, WoW, learning. I try to hang out with a friend at least once a week for a few hours

Changing your living situation to include forced socialization can help. Move into a city center with social flatmates? On the more aggressive side of the spectrum, remoteyear.com

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#47
If you're anywhere near Regina, Canada, my name is Greg and my email is in my profile. I'll take you out and introduce you to the finest people I know.

That aside, you've received some excellent advice in this thread. I won't reiterate any of it. Instead, I just want to say that you're very brave to come here and make a post like that.

I wish you the absolute best. Feel free to email me if I can be of any help.

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#48
post #38
post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Solid advice, thanks. As for some of your suggestions, it's not that I have a laundry list of out-of-touch friends. I keep in touch with every one of my good friends from High School and College. The problem is, that list is about | | Thank-you.

> Also, I removed myself from all social networks Problematic. For many people these are the only ways they are organizing activities together. It's all about how you use them...

As much as HN loves to hate on Facebook, it has its uses. I can't imagine it not hurting OP's chances at meeting new people.

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#49
I find going back to nature every now and then is a nice band-aid on my solitude wound. I'm still alone, mind you, but natured is filled with amazing things you can look at, focus on.

Trekking has become a major part of my life in the recent years. It allowed me to discover myself in more details, how my mind works. I also briefly met people along the way, and slowly realised that their mind worked the same kind of way. They were travelling alone too, for most of them. Yet we were instantly friends. Didn't keep in touch, because that's life, but it's alright.

Try this: take a weekend for yourself, away from civilisation. Take a tent, go get lost in the woods (well, not actually lost), spend the night. Forget about your phone, your emails. Just tell one trustworthy person where you go, roughly, just in case.

Take that time look at the trees, the insects, the clouds, the Earth. Maybe you'll see a fox, maybe fireflies, maybe you'll only hear birds.

And if you're not willing to spend a night just yet, then wake up early, and be there at sunrise. Have a breakfast, have a lunch. Walk, or not, whatever works for you, but just take your time.

Then stop for a moment. Anchor yourself to the ground. Why not walk barefoot? Imagine your feet are rooted deep down into the earth, all the way down to the burning core. Feel the wind on your skin, hear the birds in the distance, see the trees shiver in the wind, enjoy the silence.

I'm afraid I haven't yet found a cure for loneliness myself. But this above, my friend, is what makes my life worth living!

Good luck, you'll see better days :)

Re: Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

#50
Talk about your loneliness with anonymous strangers in the chatrooms. Reiterate your pain points to them. Never reveal your identity, never meet them.

You are not looking to make a connection.

The goal is to get bored with what ails you. After telling about why you feel bad 20 times to 20 different people your brain gets bored with this narrative. Then it moves on to more interesting things and you stop feeling bad.

This strategy helped me get over post rejection loneliness in few short months.

Remember, loneliness is not being alone. It's feeling bad about it.

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