Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

351–360 of 1001 posts

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#351

Post by pbalau »

aleph_minus_one wrote: post #100
ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

> People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. This is the wrong model: Sitting (alone) at home and working on program code or reading scientific textbooks does have a reward. Many things for which you go outside of the house or where you inte…

What a stupid take, but it showcases the underlying problem: there is no loneliness issue, there is a "me me me" issue.

Friendship is a two way contract: you add something to someone's life and they will consider you their friend, they add something to your life, making them your friend.

If you "optimize" for your own and only your own benefit, nobody is going to be your friend.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#352

Post by magicalhippo »

publicdebates wrote: post #240
throwup238 wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> (unwalkable towns where all of the houses are big garages in the front and no porches) You can turn the garage into a hangout spot. A neighbor has a full bar with communal table plus TV for sports and he opens up the garage door once a week on a schedule (Sunday game day or whatever depending on the season) and whenever he feels like it on work week evenings. As people pass by we invite them over and after a few mo…

This is something I absolutely would not feel comfortable doing unless I was warmly encouraged to join in, that's how I've been turned into a social outcast in my youth. I know some people who for a fact feel the same way. Maybe one solution is therapy, to help massage them out of their shell, to help them learn to be vulnerable and unafraid and friendly. But many of them refuse to go to therapy for whatever reason a…

> This is something I absolutely would not feel comfortable doing

Part of it I think is to endure the uncomfortable for a bit.

I felt really uncomfortable in social settings, and still do sometimes. But I forced myself to ignore those feelings. Now I'm at a point that if people think I'm weird or whatever then that's their problem.

I try not to be rude, be considerate and such thing, I'm not totally unhinged. But I am much more relaxed about just being me. Sometimes it doesn't work, but often it's all good.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#354

Post by windowpains »

asdfman123 wrote: post #119
ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

I think the trick is getting off social media. When I was a computer nerd in the 2000s, I noticed people used to like to hang around and chat, but I mostly didn't. Now, everyone is an internet addict, and I was just ahead of the curve. No one hangs around and chats anymore. When you get off social media, real life becomes far more interesting. The problem with addiction is that it's so stimulating that everything els…

Let me tell you about real life. I’m a caregiver and leaving the home is simply not an option. Short trips to the store, a walk around the block, maybe, if it’s before sundown, provided the person I’m caring for is in the right mental state to be left alone for 45 minutes. If there were neighborhood pubs that might be a thing to do if I drank. Getting off social media is great for those lucky enough to have the option, but with an increasing number of people getting into their dementia years, many with no savings to afford respite or other forms of care, social media is going to be the only option for a lot of people like myself. It’s better than nothing.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#355

Post by mhurron »

The first step to solving it would be proving it exists.

Because it doesn't. It's been a phrase used for over 40 years to decry basically any change the author didn't like, from different technology, the rise of the 'me' generation or the declining religiousness of the US.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/202504/loneliness-is...

Individuals may be lonely, but that has always been true. There is no evidence this is different than before, growing, or in anyway an 'epidemic.'

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#357

Post by agumonkey »

social media should be studied deep and hard

just this week i was stuck with a machine i could use to log on websites, so I just browsed reddit anonymously, no profile, no suggestions, no "me" at all.. and it was delightful, suddenly I'm not here to respond or be heard and my brain went into focus mode, i was eager to read the article linked and not the comments.. very very refreshing

except for critical needs, we should go back to paid limited network access, this will make people allocate their time and attention much better and also do more things outside potentially meeting people

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#358

Post by bell-cot »

mcdow wrote: post #328

It's the phones dude. It's literally just the phones. Get rid of the phones and you fix it.

Old geezer take: If you're referring to smart phones - social engagement in the US was already headed down 5 decades before those were invented. I blame TV.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#360

Post by UncleOxidant »

ecshafer wrote: post #188
swah wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1. fair 2. did this but they are all 80+ 3. ok 4. not that good at anything, too old for most groups. gym no one talks with anyone. bjj was the best for this, since its more older and mostly men 5. remote work ruined my mental health

As far as 2 goes: As far as churches go. The type of church matters a lot. If you go to a Universalist Unitarian, or progressive Lutheran Church, yeah itll probably be 80+. Evangelical/Baptist, Latter Day Saints, Orthodox, Catholic (more traditional parishes) all are significantly younger. The more conservative the denomination the younger the congregation. The more liberal, the older they are. With conservative/libe…

> The more liberal, the older they are. With conservative/liberal being adherence to scripture... The more liberal, the older they are. With conservative/liberal being adherence to scripture.

And yet many young Evangelicals have deconstructed and dropped out of those conservative congregations over the last 20 years or so. They couldn't bridge the cognitive gap between the conservative political stance of their church and what they read in the bible.

Post reply on HN