Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids

I have a 1 year old toddler at home weighting 12 kg, so thanks, but I have a direct experience of it. It's a pleasure to be a father, but yeah, lifting him, the stroller, waking up at night, while having to provide for the whole family isn't a walk in the park physically.

I'm really happy for you that you are entitled with enough time and money to lift/box/muay thai/cardio - I personally have to keep the bank account loaded enough to make ends meet, while I'm not at home helping with the daily chores. I did a lot of sport in the past though, I was a competitive rower in my home country, and I kept a very strong cardio out of it.

Anyway, why not a bit of skin in the game and test your theory about "no physical difference between 40s and 20s"? For instance, by marketing a health insurance in the US, where the premiums are the same for this age category? I hear that it's a good business, so why wouldn't you try? https://www.valuepenguin.com/how-age-affects-health-insuranc...

FWIW, I married into a prefab family and raised step children until they graduated high-school when I was about 39. I was "not sure" I wanted kids of my own, to be honest I was somewhat intimidated by small children, so this worked out fine.

It was then my wife, who was then 44 and I had our first together, and it was and is wonderful. The way you mention age implies something that may or may not be true in your specific situation - e.g. 40-45 is not automatically too old. Being older and more stable did make certain things about having kids (again) easier and more enjoyable.

And many young couples who aren't able to have children too do adopt. It's something to consider.

I found having youngsters in the house made us both feel young again. Tired, but young again :)

Even worse than that.

Your children will have 1/2, or .5, of your DNA. Your grandchildren will have .25, great-grandchildren will have .125, then .0625....after 10 generations (about 300 years), your descendents will have 0.000977 of your DNA. After 30 generations (900 years) your descendents wil have 0.000000000931 of your DNA.

What kind of "legacy" are people thinking that they are leaving behind? All traces of your DNA will effectively disappear from all your progeny. You are gone, not a trace. Your DNA vanishes.

This is sad to read. I am almost as old as you - 41, and I had a kid when 40, and my wife 36. The kid has been the greatest thing to have happened to me on a personal level, after we got married 8 years ago. We struggled a little but persisted and eventually got there.

I remember a conversation with the doctor who helped us - when you want to bring a kid into this world, especially when you're having trouble doing so, you have to want to do it 120% - you should never be short on will.

If you are regretting your earlier decision to not have kids, recognize that you have changed, and make the subtle shift in your mind to want to have a child. Dream about the boy/girl and what kind of life you'll build around him/her, and what you and your partner will do for them and with them. The dreams will spur you to action and the action will shape your dream into reality. Good luck.

I can see how what you say would make sense to many people. Many religions teach some good things, and we advise investigators to keep all the good they have, and let us see if we can add to it. There are specific doctrines that I think are unique to us, and we believe that the authority was eventually lost in a great apostasy after Christ and the apostles were killed, and restored later (1830s..) by the visit of resurrected beings (John the Baptist for authority to baptize; and Peter, James and John for further authority), sent by the resurrected Christ.

I have specific details at my tech-simple web site (in profile), and am happy to answer more questions, the best I can, whether here or in email (at my site).

"Families can be forever" and eternal progression in and with families -- I don't know where else those are taught, and yes we do believe the authority is with one organization, not many, that God does things in an orderly way and will eventually make those things available to all His children, even those that died without an opportunity (also distinctive, as far as I know). There is much more. :) And the gift of the Holy Ghost, given after baptism, is a personal guide, teacher, and comfort, for life, if we sincerely seek its influence.

I have learned for myself that it is true, in ways I can't deny, and anyone else can also learn for themselves. Again, more specifics at my web site and I am willing to answer many questions (hopefully the site can be useful and many are answered there).

(ps: I don't guess I'm smarter than anyone else, but there are some things I have thought about and/or worked on for a long time... :)