Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

#5 is the only one I do, but because I never thought about it as a fear mechanic - I'll definitely avoid doing this now. That said, what's a good alternative? Sometimes you don't have time to bargain, is picking them up kicking and screaming actually better?

I got 8. My life is pretty great. I get enjoy every day look at the world and experience things I'd never thought I would be able to. I truly had no idea I'd live this long, and whether good or bad I get to experience a lot of first at my age in wonder people my age have done before. I hadnt even ever gone vacation until I was 23 and never been oversea long term until I was 31. I've gotten to go camping, buy a car, buy a home, and see the world at a lot older age so I feel like I am still in awe of those things.

I can relate to you - I've been through a lot of shit with my OCD but I have finally figured it out. I found that in my case, diet plays a huge role. If I consume sugary crap it ruins my day, whereas something fresh like a lot of fruits and vegetables promotes calmness on the inside. Along with that, fitness is another thing that worked wonders. I would be on turbo mode with my mind working 3x more effectively with 0 anxiety after a quick workout and it would stay that way for a long time during the day.

For psychological changes - I trained myself mentally to not care about any shit so much actually, and I made it a habit of giving my best at everything I do, regardless of the outcome. I was a huge underachiever for a long time and a vast majority of the reason for all that was basically my own fear of failing. Once I started to only care about investing my best effort and not thinking about the results, I started to see some stellar consequences. The other piece of puzzle is to keep myself busy and occupied. It works wonders and gives me that calming feeling when I am focused on things. Working on my favorite projects is another plus. It will be a plus in your case too, I am sure.

I found that my neurodivergence is also my superpower that helps me identify and think of solutions incredibly quickly and effectively. That gave me a lot of confidence. I've been on a roll ever since. I keep pushing myself to higher limits that my baseline is now high by default. I have mentally trained myself in such a way that success is the only thing I live for now, and I am not going to settle for anything less than extraordinary. I will make sure my son also gets this sort of coaching from me from the get-go.

In your case with the projects you have at hand, I will recommend attacking them one at a time, and not touch others until you arrive at a closing point for the current project. That will surely reduce the mental load. Also, doing things to improve your outlook on your own self works wonders. It provides positivity and self-belief. You can do this.

Thanks for sharing. Hold on there, the world needs you.

This test is very easy for the victim of an active and damaging abuser to score 3 or less. This is at best a triage test to inform immediate intervention; it's definitely not something to inform an adult in retrospect.

Especially this caveat:

> Having a grandparent who loves you, a teacher who understands and believes in you, or a trusted friend you can confide in may mitigate the long-term effects of early trauma

While true, from experience all of them can contribute directly to that trauma instead.

(ACE 4 in my 40s. My grandparents were dead, my parents were both cops who prevented friends from contacting me and controlled my movement, my mother used my father's abuse of her to threaten me, and my kindergarten teacher had my school principal beat me so hard for talking in class that I was mute for two years and gained a speech impediment that took another five years to mitigate, and which still affects me when stressed.

Three unsuccessful suicide attempts before I was 20. I'm still scared to death daily that my parents will find where I live, learn that I'm married, contact my spouse's family or employers, etc. Fantastic therapists and found family are why I'm not in a grave.

My last contact with my parents was 2 years ago, when my mom tried to claim my dad was dying and they needed me to come home to deal with estate paperwork. It was bait; nothing was wrong with dad, and I found out only because I hired a lawyer and investigator to go visit them to confirm.

My late first spouse had an _even worse_ relationship with their parents, hadn't spoken to them in 20 years, and the only instructions they left before passing away were to not notify them of death or estate plans under any circumstances. Probably a 2 on their ACE.)

I'm very satisfied with my life. My only regrets are not getting further away from my family sooner or cutting off contact with them as thoroughly as my first spouse did.