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Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
331–340 of 404 posts
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#332I'm not entirely convinced narcissism is something that has to be fixed. There are some aspects to it that are of course destructive as you mentioned (not enjoying listening to other people, and taking things to personally). Fixing these things I think comes down to enjoying the people you spend time with, and a radical belief that things will work out no matter what happens. But there are other aspects of narcissism…
Narcissism is a trait and NPD or malignant narcissism is a disorder. The counter to "over confidence" is that PG and Altman suggest to give more equity with better terms to employees rather than not which suggests they aren't actually looking for narcissists. A narcissist would view everyone else as inferior and transactional. Maybe they have some criteria they use to try to weed out narcissists. I would imagine the YC network and organization itself would quickly route out a narcissist since they use a cohort model. In that a narcissist won't be able to listen or consider other viewpoints effectively and I imagine not being able to pivot when necessary is a narcissistic trait and obviously leads to the failure of the startup. I don't think a narcissist can survive the trough of disillusionment for long... but I could be mistaken.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#333Earlier quoted context omitted.
Woahhh you lived in Afghanistan? That’s really cool! Is there anywhere I can read about your experience there / contact to talk more?
Its easier if I just write it here. From July 2009-2010 I deployed to a unit in Kuwait and forward deployed to Afghanistan as part of a 2 person information assurance review team. We traveled around the country and visited the major, and some minor, US Army bases to perform friendly audits to improve the information security posture of the installations on the ground. We were constantly traveling. I think I went on 2…
There's a book in this.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#334Perhaps the closest opposite to narcissism is humility. One way to really experience humility is to inject yourself into something truly foreign where money is an insufficient remedy. I don't know what that humbling experience will be for you. For me it was living in Afghanistan for 2 years, of which one of those years I traveled frequently and spoke with many people there. It doesn't matter how much money you make a…
It's the "without escape" part that's important. It's like the song "Common People" (by Pulp, made famous by Mr Shatner). Nobody likes a tourist.
As long as you can call your dad (or your broker, or your brother, or whomever) and get reliably bailed out, it's just tourism.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#335Earlier quoted context omitted.
all lions are lions , so it doesn't apply in our case.
I've heard it phrased as "a rich man doesn't have to tell you he's rich".
Same with "new money" vs "old money" - the richest guy on our block drives a Hyundai because he likes it and says they are good little cars. Meanwhile our other neighbor with 5 cars (Mercedes, Tesla SUV, a dune buggy, a truck to tow his boat and some classic car that's under a tarp) has a tax lien on his house.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#336Reading the last psychatrist. https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/narcissism/
Whats this? I see that it was last updated in 2014..
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#337Perhaps the closest opposite to narcissism is humility. One way to really experience humility is to inject yourself into something truly foreign where money is an insufficient remedy. I don't know what that humbling experience will be for you. For me it was living in Afghanistan for 2 years, of which one of those years I traveled frequently and spoke with many people there. It doesn't matter how much money you make a…
IANAN, but living abroad when I was about 25 really improved my humility. I'm used to being quick-witted, knowledgable, and generally good with people. When I got to a place where English is not the default language, I was essentially an idiot---I was confused a lot, unable to make jokes, and little kids laughed at my attempts to, say, order a gyro. It all clicked when I was lamenting it to my girlfriend, who said (w…
Jokes are great if they make people laugh, think you've overthought that part!
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#338So here's the thing: if you're correct, or even if you're not and you've simply picked up on personality traits you don't like, you've already shown great progress in recognizing this and having the self awareness and introspection to have this insight.
I don't have the silver bullet, but I imagine that fixing a good amount of it can be done simply by maintaining this awareness and habitually thinking outside of the instinctual responses you might have.
I'm not sure there's a quick fix to make you enjoy listening to other people, but the rest is readily done by consciously seeking a wider perspective on any given situation, keeping your own ego in perspective, etc. I know, much easier said than done. But if you're looking for something more formal to help you on your way, one possible option is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#339Don't fix it, own it. It's human to think the world revolves around you because in your life it does. Try to change and you'll wind up like all these fake people whose words project humility but whose actions show they only care about themselves. I'm ok with it, I assume everyone thinks that way.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#340Earlier quoted context omitted.
> How do you do find someone good that you trust? How do you find someone worth the time? In my experience the best way to find someone is through recommendations. Find someone with a good therapist, and contact the therapist for recommendations. They usually know other people in the field that work with a similar approach. I feel CBT only works with simple issues. For trauma and deep running issues I would suggest f…
I'm in the bay area - this seems like the best option. The difficulty is either I don't know anyone my age that has one or it's still taboo for men to talk about so people don't. I'd guess it's a combination of both. The only people I've known personally who see a therapist are women (and from that small sample they don't want you to see their same person). I think men tend to rely entirely on their SO which is proba…
It's already hard mustering up the courage and desire to go to therapy. Then I spend hours filling out forms, making cold-calls, completely blind -- reading Yelp reviews on therapists, man. Then I don't get callbacks and am told doctors aren't taking new patients. OK.
But everyone is happy recommending therapy. Oooh, it's sooo great! Yeah. Only if I could find some.
I'm assuming therapists designed their funnel this way, somehow, there's something about me that puts me in this category of people that can't get over the initial barrier of finding them.