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Ask HN: How to be alone?

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Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#311

Post by nephihaha »

GLjEI4YbnGD27LB wrote: post #303

I see a lot of good advice here, and I'm going to be late but approach it from a different angle. If you've spent so much time with your spouse around, and now you're at home alone, and you're working remote, then you are going to need a lot of socialising outside of work, because remote work does not meet the same needs for seeing people in person (I've been there). Humans are social animals, we need some interactio…

During 2020 and 2021, I think many of us were bitterly aware that Zoom calls and online stuff was no real substitute for genuine social interaction. Better than nothing, perhaps, but there is something so much better about being around people physically. (That last bit sounds a bit creepy, but hopefully people know what I mean!)

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#312

Post by danielbarla »

bch wrote: post #268
rfc3092 wrote: post #248

To get things out of the way: yes it is hard being alone. But it is also hard to be with someone and is very hard to take care of kids and family and such. And it is waaay harder to be with wrong person. There are no easy roads in life and being single is one of the easiest. Now I’ll focus on practical advise: - gym every day. No excuses. If you don’t know what to do or lack motivation- get a personal trainer. - besi…

+1 for physical exercise. Curious though why you (or anybody else) would separate running and/or cycling from the gym? Gym gets its own (emphatic!) category and the sports are separate. Not a criticism, genuinely curious.

Aside from the pragmatic reasons, I think it's a good idea to separate out cardio, muscle-building, and flexibility into its own separate categories, and ensure you consistently dabble in each. Obviously there can be are overlaps, but this taxonomy ensures a good balance.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#313

Post by nephihaha »

vlatoshi wrote: post #241
geooff_ wrote: post #116

I'm two years ahead of you in this journey. I got divorced after just over a decade with my partner. Social engagements to me were always ad-hoc. I suck at planning so I often found myself more alone than I'd like. Looking back on the last two years and auditing what worked, I would say routine and lingering were the most important thing. Trying new things is mentally draining and labor intensive, this is a fact of l…

you hit the nail here.. repetition is key! that’s what happens at a workplace or school. You show up every day, do your thing, and have small interactions here and there. Over time, those interactions grow, and you get to know each other on a deeper level and become friends. This can be replicated with similar activities that involve a schedule, like joining classes, volunteering, or whatever else fits that kind of s…

Within volunteering, I think it is worth shopping around. Some organisations do not treat volunteers well, and some are great social experiences.

I would try and get something where you can see the results in front of you. I worked years ago at a soup kitchen for the elderly and felt much better for it, than working in a charity shop on a till and feeling like I was just a worker unpaid.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#314

Post by nchmy »

Shank wrote: post #306

I believe very strongly in journaling as "twitter to yourself". Things you would say over messages to a partner or something can be notes to yourself instead. Especially short term desires to tell someone something can be lightened by this. For social generally though, I would suggest very strongly that you pickup something like an MMO or a game with a community that isn't offset. Games like Path of Exile (1) or OldS…

1st paragraph is excellent advice. 2nd is terrible advice.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#315

Post by nephihaha »

hinkley wrote: post #219
jadbox wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yep. You are your own best friend. Sadly most people are terrible a terrible friend to themselves.

I've also seen the reverse. Some people who treat me poorly have a terrible voice in their own head where they trashtalk themselves. It's like they see it as fair to do to others as long as they're not hypocritical about it. Do you talk to yourself the way you talk to me? If so then you need to stop both. When I was younger I was partly guilty of this and still occasionally catch it. But we are always more sensitive…

In meditation, some people call that voice the inner critic. It is obvious that some people have it really badly.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#316

Post by ghywertelling »

Spirituality helps. Listen to Ram Dass, Alan Watts, Adyashanti, etc. They help make sense of the macro and micro picture of life. Think of it as narrative oinment for your thinking mind and narrative center of gravity. Check your vitamin D levels, get tests done. My vitamin D levels were so low that I considered it as an effort to even fart. I am not joking.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#317

Post by markovBaj »

rfc3092 wrote: post #248

To get things out of the way: yes it is hard being alone. But it is also hard to be with someone and is very hard to take care of kids and family and such. And it is waaay harder to be with wrong person. There are no easy roads in life and being single is one of the easiest. Now I’ll focus on practical advise: - gym every day. No excuses. If you don’t know what to do or lack motivation- get a personal trainer. - besi…

what does systematic travelling mean?

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#318

Post by byteface »

It's not lonliness, it's solitude. Time to find yourself and your creativity again.

You were codependant and need to learn how to be independant again. Living for you, just for yourself. You've spent most of your life living for others. Now it's time for you.

Try not to drink alcohol. Focus on your physical health. Gym/tennis/saunas/running/golf any physical activities you can.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#319

Post by alonethrowaway »

My advice is find a fairly priced coworking facility in your area and join that. Even better if it is a maker space also. Or just join the maker space. Its not good to work at home AND be alone all the time, if you're not the kind of person that likes that. If for some reason you don't have coworking places, you can often find cheap offices in business parks on a month to month plan, but it will require some luck or some work to make friends with people in that environment. Theres tons of good but random advice that could work, but the above I think would be a very small change to your life but also put you around tons of people. Goodluck. Keep in mind that there are also countless people that would love to be in your situation, although I dont know if that helps you.

Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?

#320

Post by rfc3092 »

markovBaj wrote: post #317
rfc3092 wrote: post #248

To get things out of the way: yes it is hard being alone. But it is also hard to be with someone and is very hard to take care of kids and family and such. And it is waaay harder to be with wrong person. There are no easy roads in life and being single is one of the easiest. Now I’ll focus on practical advise: - gym every day. No excuses. If you don’t know what to do or lack motivation- get a personal trainer. - besi…

what does systematic travelling mean?

Visit every EU capital. Or every national park. Or every bookstore in 100km radius. Just some arbitrary traveling goal that will get you out of the house every month or two.
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