311–320 of 357 posts
My score was 7. I have ADHD, autism, and dyslexia, but luckily a >140 iq on a good day. I’ve suffered from depression at times, was incarcerated as a juvenile and an adult. Had a physical and mentally abusive father. I was also a convicted felon at 15/16 and again at 18 years old. Was an alcoholic before being legally allowed to drink. The list goes on. That said life is great, I’ve exceeded all expectations my paren…
Mother was in and out of mental hospitals during much of teenage years, abusive, narcissistic. Father was alcoholic, absent, frequent bouts of adultery. Eventually they divorced when I was 12. Sent to live with grandparents who didn't want me, very abusive, cruel and neglectful. Changed my opinion on my family during those years.
Father eventually remarried, mother did not. Mother died of suicide at age 58. Step mother also died of suicide at age 48. No relationship with any other family members.
Diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety. Also was born with severe hemophilia and had to deal with all that on top of everything, gay. Despite all that, was able to train myself as a software engineer and have a decent career.
That said, knowing what I know now, if given the choice from the beginning, I would choose not to live this life even if it meant a chance of having a worse life.
This is cathartic. Thanks. ACE 8. I was often hungry and cold. and sometimes homeless. I was poor in an area stricken with poverty (appalachia). I lived in a home that didn’t have half of an exterior wall, and we only had a kerosene heater. Often, there was no electric. We originally didn’t have plumbing except for an outhouse (luckily a federal program forced a corrupt contractor to tack on a shoddy bathroom to the…
even your post here makes a difference, it helps others feel seen to know that they're not alone in feeling this way sometimes. you matter, your presence matters, we need you here and you are deserving of love and happiness. please don't give up.
I have undergone some rough trauma but most of the worst of it happened when I was an adult, so I feel fortunate and quite sad when reading some of the responses here.
there's a lot of general disdain about 'former gifted kids' but I do think we often feel pretty 'different' from everyone else growing up, and that alone can be quite isolating.
I manage, I do pretty good work I guess, but I'm definitely not as successful as I thought I would be. home/family life has always been hard. optimistic about the future.
hugs to everyone here for making it this far, hang in there.
The larger the expectations, the harder it is for some to appreciate progress, and easier it is to not try at all. A self-destructive defeatist nihilistic attitude is easy to cultivate, especially among the bastards of the gifted.
I generally agree. However, times have changed. The middle class standards that many of us grew up with and set for ourselves are increasingly difficult to achieve. The expectations were not particularly high and they seemed reasonable at the time they were set.
ACE 0. Feels abnormal looking at everyone here. I don't consider myself that successful. Very average or below in career and also extremely below average in life outside of work. Not very many friends, never been in a relationship (I'm old). Maybe some trauma really is needed in your childhood to produce more drive. I'm wondering what's the distribution of ACE.
There's probably something there in terms of overcoming difficult situations.
You can achieve the same thing though without trauma, just by doing hard things or being pushed beyond your boundaries.
Go for a swim and hold your breath as long as you can. Then, push yourself to swim a few meters past the point where you held your breath. Keep going for a swim, keep pushing yourself past where you're comfortable.
Make it a habit to do this in various areas of your life - there's your drive.
ACR score of 7 all the people involved in that score are dead save for 1. Don’t have any contact with that person except over a group SMS chat and it’s fine. I’m 48, married, two awesome teenage boys and doing well. Not sure why, all the therapists over the years I’ve seen with my wife are typically just perplexed by me. I do what brings me joy and take care of those that depend on me, that’s it. That strategy has wo…
Do you agree with the assessment that having kids can help with handling of some of these growth or lack of development challenges? I've heard that from a few high-ACE score fathers and I appreciate the advice. My wife and I are heading that direction for multiple reasons, including my own personal growth.
Children are a deeply personal choice that make basically no sense. They are the ultimate selfless act, and much of the emotional damage children suffer is due to their parents not understanding this. They are exhausting, expensive, and time consuming... until you die. And every time you decide to use them for your own gain, it will cost them something.
To more directly address your point: children will force you to cope with their existence. Whether you have the ability to introspect on yourself during the process can turn that into growth is on you, not them.
I'm fine, I'm CTO of a small game development studio/publisher in the south of Sweden. I was born/raised in Coventry in the UK and I feel comfortable with the idea of never returning. I find it hard to make friends, but that's a combination of being a migrant, being an adult and being considered "very intense" by many- I pour nearly all of my energy into work because on a subconscious level I am terrified of going ba…
Fully agreed. The oversimplification of the scoring system feels deeply wrong.
Think of it as childhood trauma triage. It is a good first pass to help people understand their past and maybe help some people understand that their past is more traumatic than they realize.
I stay somewhat mentaly healthy by being relentlessly busy. I don't give much weight to accomplishment, fear of being in a situation of poverty or vulnerability again drives me. I have some underlying mental issues, busyness helps keep them at bay and the sadness and pain has faded over time. At low points I try and remember it comes in waves.
I have a wonderful wife and young child, they are my satisfaction and I feel lucky every day. I don't expect to live long past 60 due to medical and historic reasons, so I intend to stay busy for the next ~25 years, do my best by them and try and leave a net positive on the world.
Didn't know this existed, thank you for posting, reading these has been an eye opener.