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Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#311

Post by ryder9 »

jshevek wrote: post #295
darrelld wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry but no. This will not fix narcissism. Narcissists are broken people incapable of self-reflection and everything centers around them. They see everything in the world as being put here for their enjoyment. They thrive off of attention (negative or positive) and it's the only time they feel alive.

Your definition is so simple. So clear. So absolute. Nearly everyone is capable of self reflection. To think that an individual is categorically incapable of it is to deny them their humanity.

a lot of people's sense of self-reflection is skewed, i've seen people very close to me with an entirely broken sense of self reflection which usually just manifests as self-victimization

it has dumbfounded me at times because I, as you, thought everyone has some sense of it and if they saw it they might change; but alas not always the case

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#312

Post by getty »

austincheney wrote: post #237
yingw787 wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Woahhh you lived in Afghanistan? That’s really cool! Is there anywhere I can read about your experience there / contact to talk more?

Its easier if I just write it here. From July 2009-2010 I deployed to a unit in Kuwait and forward deployed to Afghanistan as part of a 2 person information assurance review team. We traveled around the country and visited the major, and some minor, US Army bases to perform friendly audits to improve the information security posture of the installations on the ground. We were constantly traveling. I think I went on 2…

I've not read your reply, and acknowledge that others say it was on excellent read. Do you not though think it ironic that in a thread about narcissism you have the longest blog post about someone's life (I've seen on HN) after they've essentially alluded to having been humbled.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#314

Post by markk »

Narcissistic behavior in general can be viewed as a defense mechanism to avoid feeling the opposite...small and inadequate. Often we have shame from various childhood experiences of feeling inadequate - failing in various ways in which we felt others judged us for. Feeling humiliated and ashamed etc.

Imho, one great approach is to examine your past for such experiences. Then sort of bring them to mind and reexamine the meaning we assigned at the time.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#315

Post by prawn »

Would hanging around more impressive/intimidating people help? Just guessing they might have more interesting stories than you that help you take a backseat more often? Whether they want to suffer your acquaintance is another story!

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#316

Post by jshevek »

ryder9 wrote: post #311
jshevek wrote: post #295

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your definition is so simple. So clear. So absolute. Nearly everyone is capable of self reflection. To think that an individual is categorically incapable of it is to deny them their humanity.

a lot of people's sense of self-reflection is skewed, i've seen people very close to me with an entirely broken sense of self reflection which usually just manifests as self-victimization it has dumbfounded me at times because I, as you, thought everyone has some sense of it and if they saw it they might change; but alas not always the case

I agree that the quality of self reflection, and the quality of the outcome, varies.

There is difference between having the ability to self-reflect, and having a proclivity to self-reflect. Neither is the same as doing so effectively, and neither speaks to the question of having a motive to make further personal changes as a result.

The comment to which I was responding categorically denied certain people from having even the ability. Ever.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#317

Post by prophesi »

darrelld wrote: post #186
austincheney wrote: post #124

Perhaps the closest opposite to narcissism is humility. One way to really experience humility is to inject yourself into something truly foreign where money is an insufficient remedy. I don't know what that humbling experience will be for you. For me it was living in Afghanistan for 2 years, of which one of those years I traveled frequently and spoke with many people there. It doesn't matter how much money you make a…

Sorry but no. This will not fix narcissism. Narcissists are broken people incapable of self-reflection and everything centers around them. They see everything in the world as being put here for their enjoyment. They thrive off of attention (negative or positive) and it's the only time they feel alive.

Have you ever seen The Good Place?

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#318

Post by jshevek »

Domenic_S wrote: post #199
tvanantwerp wrote: post #195

Earlier quoted context omitted.

High use of the first-person in writing is hardly a sign of NPD. "I" is one of the most commonly used words in the English language.

You've misunderstood the point, in the whole post he didn't say how anybody else was affected by his behavior. If nobody's negatively affected, the behavior can't be bad. "I've hurt people by being too egotistical" is an example of an "I" sentence that would have made me believe he could see that something was wrong.

It was a short post, focused on the information most relevant to the purpose of the post, without being overly intimate.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#319

Post by elevenoh »

robocat wrote: post #263
ninjakeyboard wrote: post #202

Meditation + psychedelics? If you have a strong intention to change, it's pretty left field but I'd consider taking that intention to peru and drinking ayahuasca at a retreat. The effort poured into meditation will help you become aware of your behaviours and why they are there, which is the starting point - accepting that you have the problem rather than pushing it out onto people around you. I believe that's a grea…

I know some narcissists that are deeply into taking a variety of drugs. Drugs are definitely not helping them at all.

> deeply into taking a variety of drugs

The enormous range of drug-effects, motive, and context surround drug use renders this statement near meaningless.

So many are reductive when it comes to drugs, it's a disservice.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#320

Post by yingw787 »

austincheney wrote: post #237
yingw787 wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Woahhh you lived in Afghanistan? That’s really cool! Is there anywhere I can read about your experience there / contact to talk more?

Its easier if I just write it here. From July 2009-2010 I deployed to a unit in Kuwait and forward deployed to Afghanistan as part of a 2 person information assurance review team. We traveled around the country and visited the major, and some minor, US Army bases to perform friendly audits to improve the information security posture of the installations on the ground. We were constantly traveling. I think I went on 2…

Wow that all sounds so amazing! Thank you very much for sharing!
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