Maybe you can start to read http://notalwaysright.com :D
Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
301–310 of 527 posts
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#302I'm not in your shoes, but I'd happily trade places. I assume you're calling most of the shots, so if you take a step back and reflect, where is this stress coming from? Who is putting pressure on you? I'm guessing it's you doing it to yourself because you hold yourself to a high standard and have a strong work ethic. Excellent qualities.
So take a few days off, refocus, slow down, and just do what you can do. No pressure.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#303Take a vacation, preferably to a beach. Use it to learn what processes at your company are dependent on you. Then when you get back, start documenting and delegating every process until you are no longer a critical dependency. Then take another, longer vacation. Sounds like you need one.
The problem here is the founder thinks he / she is so indispensable that it would fail if he quit. So taking a week off for vacation is likely to just lead to more stress. However, the longer vacation is good advice. When I was severely burned out at a previous job (start-up) I was eventually fired because I couldn't continue the 70 hours a week and have the same, high output as I originally did when I started (I was…
Even a short vacation would help with two big things.
First, physically resting and getting outdoors in the summer months can certainly just help you rebalance enough to make good decisions. You might realize that very short-term problems are weighing more heavily on you than you realize.
Second, it's a test of how indispensable you are at work, and forces other people to try to do things before asking you. You'll learn which things you need to make sure to train them to take over when you leave, and they'll remember the answers and approaches better if they have to figure them out themselves.
I guess it's possible that two weeks would cause irreparable damage... I have no idea what you should do in that case. I can't say I'd stick with it in that scenario, that's a horrible trap to get stuck in especially if you can't imagine it getting better.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#304If you don't already have professional help (therapy), seek some.
I've experience the hour long crying showers first hand, and I don't wish it to anyone. Don't minimize how you feel, and don't blame/shame yourself. Therapy can be scary and still cary a stigma, but it's basically allowed me to be myself.
I am no founder myself, so I don't pretend to know what you're going through, but I know the symptoms. Let me know if you want to discuss this further
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#305OP, you have more than the choices you listed. Here's a choice: Get acquired and then leave as soon as you can walk away with a mountain of cash. Act like you will stay forever. But leave in a year. Leave money on the table if you must, but grab a huge chunk of it first. Do not tell anyone about your plan. Not even your wife. If you tell your wife how you feel, she will likely: - Lose respect for you - start hunting…
> - Lose respect for you - start hunting for a better provider (Don't be surprised if she starts staying out late and you find she cheated on you)
> - she will work to limit your access to your children.
> Make your decision (and make it final with only input from your closest friends and parents/brothers/etc)
Your misogyny is not welcome here. Get out.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#306Earlier quoted context omitted.
Beaches aren't for everyone. In burnout situations, I find going backpacking (mountains/hiking, canoeing in the Canadian wilderness) to be even more relaxing than a beach. None of these annoying humans that seem to be always present on beaches and at workplaces. And also none of the attention-sucking internet access.
It's a minor point, but there are plenty of beaches around the world that are pretty quiet people-wise.
Ha yeah plenty in Australia where you're so alone you're in actual danger from it.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#307OP, you have more than the choices you listed. Here's a choice: Get acquired and then leave as soon as you can walk away with a mountain of cash. Act like you will stay forever. But leave in a year. Leave money on the table if you must, but grab a huge chunk of it first. Do not tell anyone about your plan. Not even your wife. If you tell your wife how you feel, she will likely: - Lose respect for you - start hunting…
> - Lose respect for you - start hunting for a better provider (Don't be surprised if she starts staying out late and you find she cheated on you) > - she will work to limit your access to your children. > Make your decision (and make it final with only input from your closest friends and parents/brothers/etc) Your misogyny is not welcome here. Get out.
This is not about hating woman.
You are pulling the 'misogyny' card and don't know what you are talking about.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that a woman (or anyone) will want someone who is stable emotionally and doesn't cry to them over making serious money because "unhappy".
I will never tell me enemies to "get out" or label them with a word to shame them.
Look in the mirror. Your comment history is so full of 3rd wave Feminism that it is natural you would try to shut me down
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#308Earlier quoted context omitted.
Gross? You must be a prudish woman.
> You must be a prudish woman. And if they are? Still welcome here. Shit like this is not appropriate. Either stop saying it, or get out.
Hey there White Knight.
Don't tell me to get out or stop expressing a valid viewpoint.
Your attitude of censorship betrays your position.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#309Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Using sex with your partner as some sort of stress release activity is really not healthy for the relationship. That sounds really strange to me. Is that from a religious viewpoint of sex? eg "sex is a sin" type of thing?
The issue is when it is a prescribed antidote to treat stress. When sex becomes an obligation to your partner it can create tension in the relationship.
>When sex becomes an obligation to your partner
In a healthy relationship where neither partner is asexual, both partners should regularly want to have sex with each other, what is this nonsense about "obligation"?
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#310I've been there. I was unhappy, I left, I felt better. Later I started other businesses.
In my case the threshold is ~200 people; after that I don't really recognize everyone. In once case I was having fun but my wife was miserable.
In all these cases I was glad I left.
Now: if an acquisition truly is imminent, and you can hang on a bit longer, go for it. The buyer will be able to find someone to run the business, perhaps internal, perhaps not. It likely won't happen overnight (unless they have someone in mind already) but some pressure will come off you immediately.
If the acquisition isn't truly imminent you can indeed start looking for someone to run the business. Believe me there are people with domain experience and executional experience you can find. Use an executive headhunter. Have your board members help.
Sounds like burnout. Take it seriously, but it doesn't mean all is lost! Those LOIs are light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh, and consider therapy. You may or may not need drugs, but they probably aren't the first line of therapy. The talk therapy is good, and as a CEO you probably have nobody else to talk to about certain things -- especially if you think you can't talk to your spouse about stuff. Talk therapy is not a sign of weakness -- in fact you sound like the kind of person who has their act together (probably you don't feel like it, but your note says you understand something's not right), and so you probably will benefit a lot from it. Many people in the valley, especially top execs, are in therapy and it helps them a lot.