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Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

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Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#271

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

Just keep in mind that therapists are vastly overrated and are designed to help you accept where you are.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#272
40 years old. I used to work doing odd jobs, but during the quarantine decided to pick up programming because I was always a gamer and my desktop was where I would spent most of my time. I also have an unidentified health problem, which is to say that the symptoms are obvious to the naked eye but the cause isn't.

So I thought "maybe this will be fun to do, and if I'm good at it perhaps I'll be able to afford healthcare". At this point, I'm not delusional enough to think that this problem has a definitive treatment, but it's better to try than doing nothing.

At first I worked with the pomodoro technique, but nowadays I only use pomodoro to remind myself to take breaks. I ended up getting really addicted to studying and building stuff when initially every little red squiggly line would be an attack to my self-esteem and proof of my incompetence, but now I'm just embracing the chaos and have fun with it!

I've been working as a fullstack developer for a little over a year, and on my free time I focus to build my backend development skills. Unfortunately, my current company has no room for backend at all as they're mostly writing AI solutions, and in spite of the fact that I expressed my passion to dive deeper in API and database design my CTO gave me the cold shoulder. But at least I have some experience which I can market for my next job.

It also helps that I have no desire to have children or even date. Maybe it's my low self-esteem but I cannot imagine ever finding someone who would want me with my disease, so this career is all I love (outside of the usual hobbies).

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#274
post #261
post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Could you try one of the remote services like Better Help? (I have no idea if they have good therapists, I just see their name a lot lately).

I do not recommend remote therapy one bit.

Why?

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#275
post #117

Yes. I turned my life around at 43. Single, obsolete tech skills, lots of debt, personal issues. Began with taking a genuine inventory of my life and how I function, not just how I felt. I picked a constructive and structured approach to that, which looked a lot like CBT therapy but was something else. It was a life reset, clearing out all the baggage. It was very difficult but incremental and genuine over time. Afte…

Great outlook. This is literally true though with modern medicine and standard of living at many countries.

If you take care of yourself, stay fit, fix your brain life only gets better. If you're a pissed off 25 year who can't get laid on a constant basis vs a contend 50 year old who has sorted their life, I'd take the latter any day of the week.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#276
Pick a skill you would enjoy learning about, and start learning about it.

Start picking up odd jobs on upwork to practice it. Even dead simple ones will help you start practicing the craft and feel useful. Keep doing it and it will improve.

You could learn building Wordpress websites and start helping with issues around that. All you need is time and Google to figure out pretty much anything.

Once you start helping other people, even if for free, your feelings about yourself will change.

And yes, I know people who have moved into tech (digital marketing/advertising) in their 50s and made it work very, very well for them, with no prior tech knowledge. So it is possible, takes a lot of work, and it can deliver not just a decent life, but an amazing life.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#278
Honestly, none of the things you want - a wife, a kid, house, meaningful work - are behind you.

The first thing you need to tackle is meaningful work. That will get you a house, and make you an attractive candidate for a wife.

Remember: you don't have to be right all the time. You really just have to be right ONCE. One right job. One right person. One successful idea. And this can happen at 25 just as well as it can happen at 45.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#279
post #68

> I'm a 43-years-old single guy, NEET for the past decade. I got my Master's in the US in the late 2000s and was gainfully employed there for a few years Unless your post is missing some major red flag, your experience should make finding a job relatively easy anywhere in the globe. My personal advice is that you build your way back up with a job that does not push you to your limits.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#280

I am 42, single, similar situation. I was in a pretty dark place around 38 or so. I happened to read "man's search for meaning" by victor frankl and it honestly helped A LOT. When we are young and nature is working for our benefit, we should search for happiness. Beyond that, we need to search for meaning. There are 2 meanings implicit and third one you can pursue. 1) Search for meaning is meaningful itself. 2) Human…

Frankl is a great place to start.

No a psychiatrist is. Stop wasting people's time and put them in more danger than they already are.
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