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Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

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Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#271

Post by adrianm »

bshimmin wrote: post #177
caseysoftware wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This. PG wrote a post a while back about how kids really only have the magic of Christmas a handful of times (ages 3-11?) and then it's gone. When you're making choices, realize there will always be another framework, another conference, another chance to try out that new tool but your kid is constantly changing, learning, and is fundamentally different today, tomorrow, and a week from now, especially when they're yo…

OK, I'm completely baffled by this. Am I the only one who thinks taking your young children on a conference call is somewhere between totally unprofessional and, well, very annoying? I get that your children are your priority - but surely they shouldn't be the priority of everyone else on that call? Is the work at hand not the priority? My 3 year old makes a lot of noise and is quite prone to tantrums. Some of my cli…

I think this really depends on the context. Some teams may find it unprofessional, but others don't. Someone on my team has a baby and we all enjoy seeing her in meetings. It's not a constant thing so it doesn't get annoying. It's just nice and if anything, brings the team closer together.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#272

Post by caseysoftware »

_nalply wrote: post #251
bshimmin wrote: post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

OK, I'm completely baffled by this. Am I the only one who thinks taking your young children on a conference call is somewhere between totally unprofessional and, well, very annoying? I get that your children are your priority - but surely they shouldn't be the priority of everyone else on that call? Is the work at hand not the priority? My 3 year old makes a lot of noise and is quite prone to tantrums. Some of my cli…

I even took my older son, 4 years old, to a two hour meeting because my baby sitter called in sick. I just packed toys for him and told him that I needed to work and he accepted that. It worked out fine for one hour and 45 minutes.

I note and completely understand the 15 minute difference.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#273

Post by mlave »

I was stuck in a seemingless treadmill where I was looking after my children, going to work, coming home and being utterly exhasted.

I started going into autopilot at work and stopped inovating and spent more and more time organising things and less time coding.

I realised that if I didn't change I would end up de-skilling myself and end up in Management or worse.

Don't get me wrong about Management, I'm sure it's deeply rewarding if it's your calling but for me it felt a bit soleless so I had to do something.

I now have a nice balance of family time as well as spend at least 5 hours a day coding professionally and around 5 hours a week hacking on personal or open source endeavours

So what changed?

I made things uncomfortable for myself.

I started running a few times a week - suprisingly, this eats into more of my precious time but seems to make me less mentally tired, less grumpy with the kids and more able to concentrate when coding.

I made sure I did at least 30 minutes of personal coding an evening to skill up - starting with katas then moving onto personaly projects, open source contributions or groking new tech. Once that is done I'm free to relax with my partner, eat, watch tv, drink wine, etc

I quit my permanent Senior Development role and started contracting, this resulted in less meetings and more pure coding tasks.

I always take the opportunities that allow me to learn new things.

During the day I don't procrastinate (browsing the web, e.g. hacker news is limited for me) - I work hard on my programming tasks but not silly hard, e.g. I have regular breaks, lunch, etc.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#275

Post by tonyedgecombe »

bshimmin wrote: post #177
caseysoftware wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This. PG wrote a post a while back about how kids really only have the magic of Christmas a handful of times (ages 3-11?) and then it's gone. When you're making choices, realize there will always be another framework, another conference, another chance to try out that new tool but your kid is constantly changing, learning, and is fundamentally different today, tomorrow, and a week from now, especially when they're yo…

OK, I'm completely baffled by this. Am I the only one who thinks taking your young children on a conference call is somewhere between totally unprofessional and, well, very annoying? I get that your children are your priority - but surely they shouldn't be the priority of everyone else on that call? Is the work at hand not the priority? My 3 year old makes a lot of noise and is quite prone to tantrums. Some of my cli…

>>Am I the only one who thinks taking your young children on a conference call is somewhere between totally unprofessional and, well, very annoying?

The fact some people think like that is what dismays me with the corporate world, I'm glad I got out and I'm never going back. Thanks for reminding me.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#277

Post by oddlyaromatic »

unsigner wrote: post #173

I'm significantly worse in my job than what I remember from before I had kids. What I miss most was the "deep thinking" mode that I used to get into, when you think about a problem for days on end, and solutions and ideas start popping in your head while you're in the proverbial shower. This rarely happens to me nowadays - the life I have outside of work scrubs my mind clean like a metal brush the second I step into…

>I just don't want to fool myself or anyone else that my job performance hasn't suffered.

I think you have prioritized correctly. There can be beautiful periods in life when your passion, discretionary time, and energy (physical and mental) are all coherent with the content of your job and you are highly productive and feel awesome. These times are wonderful and should be appreciated, but they can't last forever.

I have had those times, and I've had times where I felt I was really letting stuff slide at work and playing catch up all the time. These days I seldom feel like I'm giving my employers the full 100% of what I am capable of on my best day... maybe I only feel like I'm giving 50-60% of that most days. But if you are a diligent enough person to care/worry about your own productivity and contribution to the company ... you are probably STILL more valuable than many people who come in aiming to do only the minimum needed to keep their job.

>on Monday mornings I try to remember what was it that I'm working on.

This is so freaking healthy. I love it. Don't feel bad.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#278

Post by paulcole »

jstewartmobile wrote: post #96

One of the many great things about children, if you're not a total heartless bastard of course, is that having them really sharpens your mind as to what's important and what's not. Most of these things the HN crowd obsesses over are shit, and the things that replace those things will also be shit, and the thing you make with those things--even if it makes you fabulously wealthy--will also be shit, and if you don't be…

>One of the many great things about children, if you're not a total heartless bastard of course, is that having them really sharpens your mind as to what's important and what's not.

Why do parents think popping out a kid gives them some mystical wisdom? Maybe it just gives you one thing to focus all you energy on and suddenly that feels really important?

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#279

Post by mproy »

paulcole wrote: post #278
jstewartmobile wrote: post #96

One of the many great things about children, if you're not a total heartless bastard of course, is that having them really sharpens your mind as to what's important and what's not. Most of these things the HN crowd obsesses over are shit, and the things that replace those things will also be shit, and the thing you make with those things--even if it makes you fabulously wealthy--will also be shit, and if you don't be…

>One of the many great things about children, if you're not a total heartless bastard of course, is that having them really sharpens your mind as to what's important and what's not. Why do parents think popping out a kid gives them some mystical wisdom? Maybe it just gives you one thing to focus all you energy on and suddenly that feels really important?

The most charitable response I can think of is that "popping out a kid" (or adopting) immediately shifts you out of the center of your own universe. It's a profound change of perspective for most people.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#280

Post by benmcnelly »

paulcole wrote: post #278
jstewartmobile wrote: post #96

One of the many great things about children, if you're not a total heartless bastard of course, is that having them really sharpens your mind as to what's important and what's not. Most of these things the HN crowd obsesses over are shit, and the things that replace those things will also be shit, and the thing you make with those things--even if it makes you fabulously wealthy--will also be shit, and if you don't be…

>One of the many great things about children, if you're not a total heartless bastard of course, is that having them really sharpens your mind as to what's important and what's not. Why do parents think popping out a kid gives them some mystical wisdom? Maybe it just gives you one thing to focus all you energy on and suddenly that feels really important?

Its more like a crash course on putting other before yourself, which can for sure adjust ones world view.
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