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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#191

Post by deberon »

alt227 wrote: post #184
wayoutthere wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nope; social life is important. I find that I get overwhelmed and drained with large groups, but doing things with a group small enough to fit in a car together is fine. I personally have some hobbies I enjoy for their own sake, and meeting people through those has been rewarding. It’s good to have a mix of “close friends” who you can be open and will support you emotionally, and “activity buddies” who you can geek o…

Glad this works for you, but humans are not all the same. Dont assume what makes you happy also makes other people happy. This is akin to telling somebody with depression to 'Cheer Up'.

They were answering a personal question.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#192

Post by Taywee »

alt227 wrote: post #184
wayoutthere wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nope; social life is important. I find that I get overwhelmed and drained with large groups, but doing things with a group small enough to fit in a car together is fine. I personally have some hobbies I enjoy for their own sake, and meeting people through those has been rewarding. It’s good to have a mix of “close friends” who you can be open and will support you emotionally, and “activity buddies” who you can geek o…

Glad this works for you, but humans are not all the same. Dont assume what makes you happy also makes other people happy. This is akin to telling somebody with depression to 'Cheer Up'.

Absolutely not. Even introverts need social connections. It's more akin to telling somebody to get fit because it's good for their health.

Introvert does not mean asocial or antisocial. Social connections are a fundamental part of every human's mental health. Maybe some disorders might change this up, but being an introvert is not that.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#193

Post by vilts »

mikewarot wrote: post #41

I'm 58. Everything IS an different iteration of the same thing. Generally, if intelligent adults are involved, there are likely to be some useful new things in the new iteration, small improvements. On rare occasion, there are massive changes that only become apparent later. (Like when transistors first appeared, they wore out, like tubes, but slower... germanium was replaced by silicon, and lifetimes tended towards…

Machining is nice. I was in IT for little less than 20 years, programming and sysadmin. Then I started hand engraving and got good at it. Now I am fulltime machinist with my own company and quite a few machines. Currently I'm also in uni studying mechanical engineering. Seems like I learn new things every day - metallurgy, metrology, machining etc etc. A wondrous rabbithole of learning, it is.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#194

Post by diamondage »

Aeolun wrote: post #168
jimt222 wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come b…

You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? It’s not that you can’t find novel things any more if you go looking for them, but most everyday things hold no more (or less) excitement. I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. He’ll find out that sticking a bowl upside down in the water and turning it face up will make a lot…

I'd add that it's about detail - if you thin slice reality for efficiency, reality becomes more simplistic. But you can also discover infinitely more detail. walking into a library reveals that there is an infinite amount of things to know, and there are all kinds of differences between two similar glasses of wine etc. Perhaps its more about the spare energy of the individual available for learning and discovery

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#195

Post by vbezhenar »

Here're things that I'm entertaining myself with.

1. Discover new things related to IT. For example I never programmed microcontrollers or dealt with electronics in general. I recently started to learn about it and it's exciting. My current aim is to build some fun machines for my home using STM32 and ARM assembly. Something like cat drinking bowl with small fountain and proximity sensor. Or crypto device to store my ssh keys. Or hand-held radio with everything build from scratch using modern crypto and stuff. I also bought 3D-printer and found that 3D-modeling is very exciting.

2. Discover new things not directly related to IT. Like building house, creating or repairing things in house and around, working with wood, welding, etc. That requires some money, for example I bought some land with old house in a remote village and visit it at summer, spending extremely quality time there, near nature. It's one of my retirement plans - to build a house and live there with remote work or investments.

3. I have wife, but if I would be alone, I definitely would think about yachting. It's possible to buy old yacht for $50k, spend another $50k to repair it and travel around the world, including ocean travels. That's my dream which is unlikely to ever come true, but who knows.

I never really cared about achieving anything. I got paid well enough, I build useful things for my country and that's good enough for me. I have $20k in savings right now, LoL, but that's fine, I live in poor country and that's enough for my lifestyle.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#196

Post by readingnews »

I do not mean to tear down OP, but you are 35 and have $500k in savings. You lived in other countries, had startups and worked at a big company. You are not lost, you are one of the 1%. It sounds like you did a lot and now "normal" life that the rest of have to go through seems sucky. It is.

I have years of experience, not 1/5th your savings, have not traveled and now I am actually too old for "big company" to hire me. This is not said for you to fell for me, go feel good about yourself. It sounds like you did a lot. Figure out now what makes you _feel_ good inside and pursue that (you know, unless its spending all of your savings on vices). Time is running out? Come back here and say that twenty years from now. I think life was just starting for a lot of people when they hit 35.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#197

Post by david12345 »

noduerme wrote: post #96
marto1 wrote: post #9

Put things in perspective. There are people in their 50s that still go to bars and continue until their 70s probably, stopping only because of physical inability. Anyway, that shouldn't be used as a measure is what I'm trying to say. Remember that anything that happens to you has happened to thousands and thousands of men in the past so don't put so much pressure on living. Also, try to see yourself more as an artist…

Also, WTF is wrong with bars? Bars are great. I can't remember what book it was, maybe something by Douglas Coupland (?) He talks about how there was probably some guy just like him in 200 AD, in the Roman Empire, going through exactly what he's going through now. Forgotten to history, all his thoughts. And he's just that guy all over again. Compared to beating the shit out of yourself for not being Mohammed or Gheng…

The meditations by Marcus Aurelius?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#198

Post by wayoutthere »

alt227 wrote: post #184
wayoutthere wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nope; social life is important. I find that I get overwhelmed and drained with large groups, but doing things with a group small enough to fit in a car together is fine. I personally have some hobbies I enjoy for their own sake, and meeting people through those has been rewarding. It’s good to have a mix of “close friends” who you can be open and will support you emotionally, and “activity buddies” who you can geek o…

Glad this works for you, but humans are not all the same. Dont assume what makes you happy also makes other people happy. This is akin to telling somebody with depression to 'Cheer Up'.

Being an introvert does not remove your monkey brain’s need for social connection. Sure, it means being deliberate about when/how/who, but most people leading a solitary life are not happy.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#199

Post by k8sToGo »

dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

While I am glad that you are enjoying kids, I do not think it is fair the way you paint the picture of people who choose to not have kids ("feeling sorry for them") as if it was a condition or something. Plus I think having children is not something that should be rushed. Pretty sure there are many parents out there who became a parent because of social pressure.

What if I tell you I find fullfilment in travelling? Should I feel sorry for people who do not want to travel (or can't because they have kids ;) )?

I agree with 3) though that a job should be just a means to the end.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#200

Post by indymike »

Sorry you are going through this, but at some point most people have that realization. It's a great opportunity to change your life for the better.

If you want to re-discover wonder, spend time with children. I'm 50, I have 5 kids, and honestly, their sense of wonder is infectious and helping them discover the world and discover what they love in life has been the best part of my life.

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