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Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

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Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#191

Post by burner-acc-123 »

omgitsabird wrote: post #89

> short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands These sound like buckets you created to fulfill your own subjective stereotypes. > Doing things by myself is boring and depressing, and getting into a group of "normal" friends, of both genders, to hang out and laugh with, seems like an impossible goal. This is a harsh thing to say, but maybe its you. You disparage people who are look…

this person was not very nice to OP. OP is totally normal for feeling this way and his post should elicit sympathy, not contempt.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#192

Post by yeeetz »

tootie wrote: post #152
anon92387493 wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

RE: activity This may sound crazy, but join a Crossfit gym. Look on google maps, find one that is convenient, show up, talk to the coach, and sign up for a month. Crossfit is instant community. And you will get fit and feel better about yourself while you do it. Will it solve everything? Maybe not. But there's it's SUCH a simple way to make real progress on isolation, health, and self esteem. There are a million othe…

There's a 1000 similar options. Ballroom dancing, martial arts, bird watching, D&D. Most are happy to have new recruits.

Yeah those all sound nice in theory but those activities way more likely to be populated with other weird lonely overthinker types like OP. Do stuff that normal people actually do, not what internet people think normal people do.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#193

Post by burner-acc-123 »

itg wrote: post #155

“I tried to meet new people at hobbies and dance lessons, but guess what - they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc.“ I wonder why you have trouble making friends.

No post body was provided.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#195

Post by noselfpromote »

You feel your life is done while you are unhappy, you come seek help on HN because you logically understand that you have much more things to do in life.

Work part time. As a developer, you can make 7-10k usd a month working part time, without much effort, from any part of the world. This is pure luck, we live a time with free money, VCs are pouring the tech with billions and billions, grab the cash.

No western country: Move to a place with sun, parties and good food like mexico or thailand. It's much more easy to make new friends in your 30s in a foreign country because western migrants are always grouping together, in small communities easy to find and to join. Bonus point, go to a place with peaceful locals, no stressed commuters and welcoming people. Learn the local language, make new friends in the new country.

Improve yourself, now you have free time to travel deeply in yourself, understand the whole psychologic movement happening in your brain. You have time to experiment and ultimately learn how peace and hapiness is generated in your brain and body. You will also learn how to understand other people, which will lead to new friendships.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#196

Post by R0b0t1 »

hashin wrote: post #177
ekianjo wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

you dont give a depression diagnostic based on comments on the internet. and asking oneself questions about their future is not a sign of illness, its what conscious beings usually do.

Agree that depression diagnosis might be wrong. But the therapy is incredibly effective against all the symptoms he has described in details. Therapy is not just for depressed people. I have met different therapists and I was never diagnosed of clinical depression. However, I have faced many of the symptoms that he has described. It makes sense to meet a therapist (if he can afford it) and take their help. Also, in m…

Touting therapy as incredible effective is at least a little dishonest. I know very many people who saw no benefit from it despite great expense.

Think: If you see benefit from therapy are you not more likely to keep going?

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#197

Post by kova12 »

I'd say find a spouse and raise children. It's much harder than you think, and you will have to go through many sacrifices. But people changing diapers and working to pay off their mortgages have purpose in their lives, they have something to live for. Life is often brutal and it is hard to live if you don't have a goal. Many are getting stuck in their career phases. Career is not an end goal. You only need so much money to be happy. You need to something bigger than yourself in your life to be happy, and for most of us it's being a parent. Even Musk, who arguably has all the purpose in his life a man could get has spawned six children. We all die, and you will as well. If you don't leave someone behind, what's the meaning, why bother? Your life ends with you and all your money and career are gone.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#198

Post by rekoros »

I know what you mean!

One way to meet lots of people you’d be able to relate to without abandoning your engineering career is to start a startup - your own company, where you use your developer skills to make a product.

That’s what I did, and the only time I dove back into depression was after we got acquired and I had to deal with a regular job again.

If you don’t have any ideas, there are lots of folks looking for technical cofounders - e.g. at this YC resource: https://www.ycombinator.com/cofounder-matching

Being a founder comes with its own set of challenges, but over the past few years mental health in entrepreneurship has been adopted as a serious issue by the community - you’d have a wealth of resources and plenty of people will help you without expecting anything in return.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#200

Post by mdoms »

ip26 wrote: post #176
zanzibar735 wrote: post #28

This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…

The more non-nerdy, the more likely you are to find non-nerdy people I'd also add the more "regular", the more likely you are to find regular people. The stereotypical events & hobbies recommended for meeting people can unsurprisingly wind up chock-full of outcast-sorts who are also looking to meet people. If you want to find a real group, and a variety of ordinary folks, you want to expressly avoid all the sort of t…

Yeah I often see people recommend board game groups for people like OP which is shocking to me. Take a look at the people attending these events. They're not what OP is looking for. Look for normies hobbies.
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