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Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#181

Post by tonyh249 »

bawolff wrote: post #134
namanyayg wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Any that involves interaction with multiple people; you cannot predict others, especially since most people don't always act fully rationally.

I think people say that others dont act rationally, when really they just don't understand the other person's goals and how their behaviour contributes to their goals. If i pass up $100 to get a burger, am i acting irrationally? It depends if i'm hungry. It depends how much $100 means to me (Am i bill gates?). Its impossible to say from the outside. I'm convinced much behaviour is basically the same except much more…

No, people really just don't think rationally. Read Daniel Kahneman. It's been studied extensively.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#182

Post by HlessClaudesman »

Keep telling yourself that you are a normal person, just like everyone else. Don't judge others too harshly, we all have a tendency to see others misdeeds as driven by character flaws, but they might just be having a bad day. Meditate on mortality, it's great to be alive and healthy, this will not always be the case.

For me this sort of thinking blunts both the highs and lows of existence, and gives me more empathy for others.

Good luck with your possible narcissism, knowing (yourself) is half the battle!

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#183

Post by darrelld »

blinotz wrote: post #76

My former partner behaved in narcisstic ways from time to time. I didn’t even know what narcissism was until after we broke up after 8 years. But dealing with narcissistic behavior was absolutely awful. It left me mystified about all sorts of things to do with us, as well as hurt and feeling abused. She’d never ever acknowledge her narcissistic behavior so even recognizing it puts you in the right path to addressing…

Yup, same. Was in a 10 year relationship with a narc. Took about 4 years after to figure out what happened. It felt like walking out of a thick fog.

Most of the advice in this thread to cure narcissism is completely useless. People are posting things like go to church, join a group, have a family, etc, but they don't understand the truth that narcissists are truly broken people on the inside incapable of any type of self-reflection.

OP likely isn't a narc because narcs can't see anything wrong with any of their behavior. Everyone in their life could tell them that their behavior is toxic and they will spin it in their heads that they are the victim.

> And for those people who suspect they have close relationships with narcissistic behavior, run if you can.

Best piece of advice in the entire thread.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#184

Post by darrelld »

MadWombat wrote: post #179
darrelld wrote: post #169

If you suspect that you're a narcissist, then you probably aren't one. True narcissists won't even have the thought cross their mind or see it as something to fix. They think they are perfect in every way. To admit to imperfection would shatter their sense of self and that is something they must protect at all costs. They can't see how their behavior affects others. They are God's gift to us in their minds. You're pr…

> Take things too personally? Try meditating. How would it help?

I've found meditation to give me perspective on things. It gives your brain a chance to slow down and reflect.

The effects of meditation tend to last well beyond the initial mediation session and seep into your day to day interactions.

I used to take everything personally and be paranoid about everything all the time and meditation helped with that.

YMMV.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#185

Post by charred_toast »

MadWombat wrote: post #179
darrelld wrote: post #169

If you suspect that you're a narcissist, then you probably aren't one. True narcissists won't even have the thought cross their mind or see it as something to fix. They think they are perfect in every way. To admit to imperfection would shatter their sense of self and that is something they must protect at all costs. They can't see how their behavior affects others. They are God's gift to us in their minds. You're pr…

> Take things too personally? Try meditating. How would it help?

My guess is it hinders the mind's ability to react negatively as quickly and allow mental processes to do their thing, so to speak, more objectively. IE: not jumping to conclusions.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#186

Post by darrelld »

austincheney wrote: post #124

Perhaps the closest opposite to narcissism is humility. One way to really experience humility is to inject yourself into something truly foreign where money is an insufficient remedy. I don't know what that humbling experience will be for you. For me it was living in Afghanistan for 2 years, of which one of those years I traveled frequently and spoke with many people there. It doesn't matter how much money you make a…

Sorry but no. This will not fix narcissism.

Narcissists are broken people incapable of self-reflection and everything centers around them.

They see everything in the world as being put here for their enjoyment. They thrive off of attention (negative or positive) and it's the only time they feel alive.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#188

Post by throwawayeueq »

I would like to urge you to consider that maybe there is nothing to fix and maybe people are actually not interesting around you. I realized that I had the same"symptoms" as you did, but only sometimes. I started being worried just like you, but then I looked closer into how I communicate and with whom.

There are people who have a very different life, which I deliberately choose to avoid. Talking to these people diverges into talking about myself as there is always something exciting happening somehow, and they do ask about it (maybe out of politeness, but I'm a bad judge for that). These people sadly form a majority of people around me.

However, there is a much smaller number of people who I can listen to for hours and I genuinely care about what they have to say, so I ask a lot too. These people are really excited about their lives and have stories to tell. In my experience, not a lot of people have that. Also, they tend to care about things that I can say least imagine someone caring about.

So overall, maybe there is nothing to fix on your side here. At least, I think, there is a possibility of this.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#189

Post by azinman2 »

throwawaypa123 wrote: post #81
azinman2 wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a helpful comment when this person has suggested it has negatively affected their life and is looking to change.

The change should be his environment and not him. Far easier to change where you are than WHAT you are.

This is a very destructive comment, and I hope that no one is seriously reading this and thinking it's ok and applies to them. The most socially unadjusted people I know often blame everyone else around them except for themselves, when it's clear that they were both acting like jerks and totally unaware the entire time. I have a friend that's literally jobless and in poverty now because he was continuously let go project after project due to his combativeness. It's far easier in this case for him to change his behavior than to find a place to work with high salary that allows combative behavior.

You can and should always work on yourself. Focusing on self-awareness and feedback from others helps a lot to adjust your behavior to make others around you feel loved and supported, which in turn will only make your life way easier because people will like you and want to see you succeed. It's a normal part of maturing. Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do.

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