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Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

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Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#181

Post by wacheena »

dasil003 wrote: post #151
lazyant wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Seriously consider having the baby sleep in your bed with you, especially if you/your spouse are breastfeeding. No. Everybody gets less sleep and for small babies there's a serious risk of death.

> No. Everybody gets less sleep and for small babies there's a serious risk of death. I've heard this but I don't buy it. People have been sleeping this way for millions of years. Normally I believe parents are plenty in tune with their baby's presence not to roll over on them. If you're a heavy drinker then yeah you should probably go sleep on the couch. But as a parent you often have to make choices with conflictin…

Likewise, people have been sleeping with their babies for millennia. The only big difference with modern day life is our beds are filled with more pillows, soft bedding, etc.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#182

Post by [deleted] »

ceejayoz wrote: post #114
Tichy wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My son is two weeks old by now, and the nurses at the hospital all said that a mother won't crush her child in bed. Apparently women have some kinds of instincts at work here. Men are a less safe bet, apparently. My sister (a phyisician) said that it can be dangerous if the men are drugged (alcohol, for example). There is also the sudden infant death syndrome. They still don't know what's going on, but statistics see…

> Also consider that the sudden infant death thing stems from the cold world of modern medicine. The term does. The phenomenon is hardly new. Infants probably have died suddenly and without quick explanation ever since there were infants.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#184

Post by Tichy »

ceejayoz wrote: post #114
Tichy wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My son is two weeks old by now, and the nurses at the hospital all said that a mother won't crush her child in bed. Apparently women have some kinds of instincts at work here. Men are a less safe bet, apparently. My sister (a phyisician) said that it can be dangerous if the men are drugged (alcohol, for example). There is also the sudden infant death syndrome. They still don't know what's going on, but statistics see…

> Also consider that the sudden infant death thing stems from the cold world of modern medicine. The term does. The phenomenon is hardly new. Infants probably have died suddenly and without quick explanation ever since there were infants.

What I meant is the way medicine reacts is well, the way modern medicine reacts. Of course the problem is real and every parent is scared about it, so it is good that we have at least some guidelines.

It's just, if you let medicine run it's course unchecked, it can get ugly. We stayed in the hospital for three days after the birth. On day two we were close to fleeing home, because the nurses would always think of yet another possible problem and yet another check they should run (everything was fine). Hard to explain if you never had the experience of too much medical interference.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#185

Post by wacheena »

My wife had a baby 5mo ago.

The biggest change for us initially was lack of sleep. Now that we're past that hurdle (he sleeps for roughly 12hrs at night) the biggest change I'm seeing is STUFF.

There's huge marketing pressure to buy things for your baby. Some are a necessity (at least in Western society) like diapers, clothes and whatnot. But there are many, many things you'll see at Target/BabiesRUs/where ever you shop that you don't really need.

Humans have been dealing with infants for thousands of years, and most of this stuff has only been around for the last 50.

Purchase judiciously!

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#186

Post by Tichy »

lazyant wrote: post #141
pyre wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are other cultures where sleeping with your baby is the norm, and they don't have issues babies dying left and right due to parents rolling over on them, so I think we need more than anecdotes to say that it's dangerous.

I'm not saying it's a huge problem (I don't know) but it doesn't seem a good idea to risk it: "There has been a fourfold increase in the rate of infant strangulation and suffocation in the U.S. in the past 20 years, according to a report released today, and the apparent cause (though hardly the definitive one) is the rise in numbers of babies who share beds with their parents." source: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.…

Just checked that last link. Sorry, but it is not even science. 5 kids died who were sleeping in their parents beds. How many kids die on average, what percentage of them sleeps in their parents beds?

I sure hope the "let them sleep in their own beds" directive has a more solid foundation than that.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#187

Post by jonasvp »

ceejayoz wrote: post #115
jonasvp wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And what would the pediatrician say? No one knows what SIDS is caused by and deferring to external authority won't change that. Do whatever feels right for you.

No one knows what SIDS is caused by, but that certainly doesn't mean your pediatrician can't have any useful info on it. There are many studies on what reduces the occurrence. For example, the "back to sleep" campaign saw SIDS incidence go down by 50% in just a few years. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Back_to_Sleep

True but that would usually be info you could just pick up from any book. The "ask your pediatrician" disclaimer just makes things seem dangerous that really aren't.

SIDS is 6x higher in families where one or both parents smoke. The lower incidence in the last years might just be because of less people smoking.

Anecdote: our midwife told us that we should put our son to sleep on his back. She also told us that in her working life, she'd first had to tell parents to put their kids to sleep on their belly, years later they were supposed to be safest on their side - there were even little foam triangles sold so the babies would stay put. Now it's on their back.

I'd still say go with what feels right and worry about things that are more important.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#188

Post by points »

ghurlman wrote: post #142
petervandijck wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Meh. Also: everyone will have advice: you will learn to ignore most of it. Particularly advice by your parents. They had babies in a time when there were different priorities. So you'll have to learn to find your own way, trust your instincts, talk to other parents you like/admire. You can safely ignore most advice by most people :) (ps: my tip: you can't spoil a baby, not until they're, say, 1 year old (then discipl…

If you knew somebody who killed their baby by rolling over in their sleep on her, somehow I doubt "meh" would be your response.

How about the baby who died because through unknown causes in its own room, that could have been saved if it was in your own bed?

everything carries a risk. Do what seems natural and right for you.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#189

Post by ars »

lazyant wrote: post #129
RyanMcGreal wrote: post #28

There's a two- or three-week period, usually around the six month mark, when your baby can sit up unaided but can't yet crawl. During this time, you can put the baby down on an activity blanket (supervised, obviously) and enjoy maybe five or ten minute contiguous stretches of uninterrupted time to do stuff. Note: activities like preparing a meal and straightening up the place tend to take priority over developing a s…

> Seriously consider having the baby sleep in your bed with you, especially if you/your spouse are breastfeeding. No. Everybody gets less sleep and for small babies there's a serious risk of death.

This is not true. First everybody gets more sleep not less. After the first month or two if you are nursing you can just hook up and go back to sleep.

The risk of SIDS is lower with co-sleeping, and the risk of suffocation or those other horror stories is minuscule. And on top of that they typically only happen with parents who are morbidly obese or on medication (not just illegal drugs, but things like cold medication).

So the prudent thing is not to cosleep it if you took anything, but otherwise it's better.

Re: Ask HN: How does having a baby change your life?

#190

Post by SeyelentEco »

wiredfool wrote: post #147
petervandijck wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've found that you need to get down to their level and look them in the eyes to get around that. (Supernanny tip, works!)

No two kids are alike. And, things that work for nannys don't always work for parents.

Hell, things that work for one PARENT, don't work for another. My daughter acts awesome with me even when I take care of her all day for weeks, but she's a complete terror around my wife.
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