Earlier quoted context omitted.
Problems which can't be expressed as a ratio.
So the real problems.
And complex ones.
Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
171–180 of 404 posts
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#172Can't say I was a narcissist, but I had an epiphany at one point about "being too full of myself" as well as taking over conversations too often. I really dug into certain philosophies to help course correct.
The most useful philosophies (for me) were/are Secular Humanism and Utilitarianism PLUS all of the sub-philosophies inside of each. There are definitely some problematic ideas in each, but I think you'll gain some new perspectives.
There are other areas to look at, but what I listed is a good start. Stoicism can also help with emotional control and being more aware of your thinking. It's kind of like a "practice".
You can buy books or browse the web for this stuff, of course.
NOTE: I have ZERO credentials in philosophy... it's just my hobby. However, I don't think my recommendations here are out-of-line as they are pretty high level. Would love to have more seasoned folks comment/point out other areas of philosophy that are useful in gaining insights for the OP's issues.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#173I'm not entirely convinced narcissism is something that has to be fixed. There are some aspects to it that are of course destructive as you mentioned (not enjoying listening to other people, and taking things to personally). Fixing these things I think comes down to enjoying the people you spend time with, and a radical belief that things will work out no matter what happens. But there are other aspects of narcissism…
> I'm not entirely convinced narcissism is something that has to be fixed. You sound kinda like a narcissist. And the problem with overconfidence/big ego is that it doesn't help you choose the best big challenges to tackle. Having some humility and keeping things in perspective makes you all the more aware of what your real strengths are, and how to best leverage them.
Yeah for sure - judgement is imperative, but also independent of confidence. Combining that with the courage and self-belief to try big things is a great combination.
Humility is also incredibly important because most things of value are done by teams, and humility is incredibly important to working in a team. But again, humility and an ego can coexist and will serve you well.
> You sound kinda like a narcissist.
Whether I am or not doesn't matter - my comments on the matter stem from the fact that I believe most people air on the side of under-confidence regarding what they can accomplish.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#174“Rethinking Narcissism” is the best book on the topic that I’ve read so far.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#175[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#176I went down this rabbit hole a long time ago and saw a therapist about it. I would suggest you do the same. That said, they basically told me that if you're worried about being a narcissist or trying to change it then you probably aren't a candidate for NPD diagnosis. Simply put people with NPD don't even consider that they might be wrong or flawed. That doesn't mean you don't have something to fix, but it's worth se…
Look at how he frames the question -- "I talk too much...", "I don't enjoy...", "I tend to judge...", "I have an inflated ego..."
He doesn't think about his behavior in relation to other people. To the narcissist, other people are simply background actors in the movie that is their life. Why does this matter? Well, if you were living on a deserted island, would it matter if you were a narcissist?
When he talks about the negative impact, he again frames it as it impacts him: "These traits have affected my personal and professional life...". Nothing about how it might have impacted other people's lives. We can therefore be sure this post is an act of defense against change.
Further reading: https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2009/01/can_narcissism_be_cu...
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#177Get married and have kids. Nothing will cure narcissism more effectively than holding a quivering, helpless newborn in your arms and realizing that you must keep this miracle alive.
I have to agree with this. Getting married has definitely forced me out of my shell. In general, getting involved in groups, e.g. religion, that is about more than self gratification gives me a broader perspective on life.
People with Narcissistic parents suffer. Their children are just tools to prop them and their ego up.
See r/raisedbynarcissists
Pushing a narc to have a family is a terrible idea.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#178I'm not entirely convinced narcissism is something that has to be fixed. There are some aspects to it that are of course destructive as you mentioned (not enjoying listening to other people, and taking things to personally). Fixing these things I think comes down to enjoying the people you spend time with, and a radical belief that things will work out no matter what happens. But there are other aspects of narcissism…
An inflated ego is also a great way to never try anything you might fail at.
I'd disagree with that - never trying something you might fail at is cowardice, not overconfidence, and those are two independent attributes.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#179If you suspect that you're a narcissist, then you probably aren't one. True narcissists won't even have the thought cross their mind or see it as something to fix. They think they are perfect in every way. To admit to imperfection would shatter their sense of self and that is something they must protect at all costs. They can't see how their behavior affects others. They are God's gift to us in their minds. You're pr…
> Take things too personally? Try meditating.
How would it help?
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#180You might be giving yourself the wrong diagnosis.
If you're a great storyteller, talking too much wouldn't be a problem.
If you're gifted and spending all your time perfecting your craft, others will notice your dedication and appreciate it.
If you're intelligent, having your own perspective is interesting and unique.
Do you notice the pattern? You have to be really, really good, at something that brings yourself and other people, value. Lots of accomplished and beloved individuals have had inflated egos and took things personally, just look at Michael Jordan. The difference is, they achieved something.
You can achieve too, because just about everything people do can be vastly improved upon. Find your niche, find what you can help society improve upon. It'll take 10-15 years to get there, so if you want to, you better get going :)
The magic pill everyone wants is 'how do other people like me more' or 'how do I get them to act in ways that I prefer'. The solution is you rise so far above, that they can't help but feel like 'holy shit' around you. That takes 10-15 years of dedicated work, unless you were born beautiful, in which case this problem never arises :)