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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#171

Post by willismichael »

theanine wrote: post #116
piva00 wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Start interviewing, I know that this is very often thrown around here and in other communities but absolutely NONE of this behaviour should be acceptable in any kind of professional environment. You know you are being severely underpaid (I'm assuming you are from the US even though I'm not) so finding a place paying the same or a little better just to get away from this fucking horrible situation is worth every singl…

Thanks. I have a final interview next week at a somewhat boring company, but the pay would be nearly double and I think I'd be much much healthier, so I'll take that if I can get it.

Hopefully you will find that the people at the "somewhat boring company" are more kind and supportive than what you've been dealing with.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#172

Post by kraftman »

klenwell wrote: post #11

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

> If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3.

Why not 1? Is the only way to work effectively to be moderately stressed?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#173

Post by canardlaquay »

satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

You clearly bother yourself WAY too much with what other people are thinking. Believe me, you'd be better off pursuing what you truly love instead of trying to fit into what you think is 'normality'.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#174

Post by hrktb »

hayksaakian wrote: post #152
hprotagonist wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"i'm going to answer 3 every time because if i say 4 or 5 i am worried and anxious that you're going to fire me." Welcome to impostor syndrome!

Good point. One way I could try to pre empt this is to say: "nobody was ever fired for answering 4 or 5 to this question" But I'm not sure how effective that would be.

Another angle is to declare from the start wanting improve the situation whatever their stress level is, and ask what your efforts should be directed at.

If they don't have much to complain about it will be low priority items, if they're in a 4-5 situation it will be a longer discussion. At least they might be more open to explain heavy stuff if they know you're there to solve them and not just analyse.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#175

Post by mmmeff »

UseStrict wrote: post #56

No, I'm really not okay. My current job is insanely unfulfilling, but I need to keep up appearances so I don't go bankrupt. I am saddled with a lot of debt, some of it stupid decisions, some of it valid, all of it soul crushing. I moved to a new city for my current job with a referral from a friend. But I have struggled to make meaningful relationships here in the last year. This is also impacting my career as while…

What city did you move to? I’m curious. I’ve moved between a few over the years and feel that the culture of some cities makes it harder to make friends than others.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#176

Post by PorterDuff »

hayksaakian wrote: post #152
hprotagonist wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"i'm going to answer 3 every time because if i say 4 or 5 i am worried and anxious that you're going to fire me." Welcome to impostor syndrome!

Good point. One way I could try to pre empt this is to say: "nobody was ever fired for answering 4 or 5 to this question" But I'm not sure how effective that would be.

I'm afraid I wouldn't believe you.

With rare exceptions, management wants to hear 'no problem' and that 'everything is fine'.

The next thing to do is a PowerPoint chart for the 2nd level managers showing names and stress levels over time with trends.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#177

Post by collyw »

Genuine question, are we as software developers at risk more than the average person?

I used to get stressed (crappy management), but having changed jobs a few times in the last few years (including one where I didn't get paid) I realise that we actually have it very easy in terms of being able to say "screw you" to a boss / company and be able to have a new job pretty quickly.

That's something that a lot of people won't have.

I am sure plenty of people are having a difficult time, and my intention isn't to sound dismissive but if you are, its something worth remembering, and the intention is to give you a bit more hope. Your job likely isn't worth stressing about too much.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#178

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet »

Call me cynical, but my guess is that no one asking the question actually cares about the answer, especially if they are prompted to do so by a PSA. It's like those assholes who show up and tell suicidal people the number to the suicide hotline. They don't give a shit, they're just virtue signaling that they care about others in the least-effort way they possibly can.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#179

Post by bpchaps »

doctorRetro wrote: post #166
bpchaps wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This field fucking sucks. I'm tired of being on call 24/7/365. I'm tired of having to explain why plaintext passwords are bad. I'm tired of being taken advantage of for being a generalist. I'm tired of ex-google asshole bosses with massive egos. I'm tired of carrying a laptop with me "just in case". I'm tired of the constantly shifting "popular" technologies. I'm tired of spending weekends indoors studying for work,…

It sounds like your job sucks more than your field. And I'm not saying that to discredit your point of view. I know. I've been there. My last job was pretty bad and it left me wondering whether I hated the job, or the field. I ended up at a far better job in the same field (not without it's drawbacks, of course) and it turned out to definitely be the job all along.

This isn't my experience with just a single job. This is my experience in the perspective of a sysadmin/SRE/devops "track". Maybe it's different for programmers, but the overall spirit of my post happens at most of the places I've worked at.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#180

Post by MGGJFU »

satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

That's surprising. I think software engineering is one of the cooler professions now, perception wise. Embrace it and don't be afraid to be nerdy.
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