Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

Excellent gesture, excellent thought, worth replicating like others have.

OP - I'm also happy to do a mock interview for free. Feel free to reach out (info in the profile), whenever you feel ready. [Disclaimer: I run a for-profit in the space, but we're all humans first]

A lot of people are focusing on the depression and job issues, but it sounds like your marriage could be a big part of the problem. You already know what you want to do--this decision is yours, not your wife's.

I know fighting sucks, but this one is worth the fight. You aren't doing either her or yourself any favors by condemning yourself to misery.

You are working for the Big 4. That's an enviable position for many already. It means even if you may not be the best rockstar, you are not a bozo.

Other people have given a lot of advices on job finding or finding a doctor for depression.

In the long run, I think you should save up and use invest the capital. Slowing switch from generating your income from your labor to generating money from your capital. That should be the ultimate freedom. We should code for passion not code for money.

Actually, theres some truth to this. Visiting another country can make you realize lots of things about the place where you live, good and bad. You'll recognize things that you have at your disposal that we usually take for granted.

There are a lot of good comments here.

First things first, the obvious depression/anxiety. I'm gonna guess it has been happening for some time now at a low level. You mentioned being criticized for being "too nice", which is one of those weird low-level depression/anxiety markers. It was tolerable then, and suddenly you have all this stuff happening. You didn't do anything to make things "go wrong", nor did you lose intelligence. It is just that your brain has gone a bit wonky right now. The brain is an organ, a body part, and body parts sometimes have glitches and you are seeing the symptoms.

But it is ok because there is stuff that helps it get back on track so that you can be you again. It is just really getting urgent right now. If it were your leg, heart, gallbladder, or pancreas (diabetes), you'd be at the doctor or ER right now or at least have an appointment with your doctor.

And that is exactly what you need to do. The first step is the hardest. You can take folks this letter so you don't have to explain it. You can go to the local ER, your regular doctor, urgent care, or a psychiatrist. Call the suicide hotline and they'll get you in touch with folks. You can have someone else drive you or make the appointment if you'd like, after telling them or showing them this post. You can email them this if you can't seem to do it in person.

The likely outcome of this is that you'll get some medication, which will help get your mind in a better state to start doing things with these problems and make it so they aren't consuming your mind in the same way. You might wind up in the hospital for a short time - this is generally a safety measure or being in the hospital after a severe injury. You may or may not get some time off work. There might be some therapy. This is more for some help working through all this so that you are better off in the future - much like you get phsycial therapy after an injury.

After this stuff, taking care of the rest of the issues will be much easier. Dealing with work, changing jobs, and those dark thoughts. It may be that you change jobs and things like that, but you can deal with that stuff one at a time once you get your brain in a place that it isn't sabotaging your view of the world.