Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

161–170 of 1001 posts

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#161

Post by Aurornis »

pkulak wrote: post #61
ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place

The common retort is that these don't exist any more, but in my experience they're all over. If you have kids you start seeing them everywhere, too. They're not as classically romantic as an ancient Greek agora, but there are plenty of spaces. During the summer I'm probably at a different space 5 days a week with the kids after school.

I think the real problem is that some people forget how to go places. It's so easy to do the routine of work -> dinner -> screen time -> sleep -> repeat that time vanishes from people.

Whenever I hear people, usually young and single, complain that their 8 hour job leaves 0 hours in the day to do anything and they're too tired on the weekends to go out, it's always this: Their time is disappearing into their screens, which makes it feel like their only waking hours go to work. I try to give gentle nudges to help give people ideas, but none of them really want to hear that it's something they can change. It's just so easy to believe that life has thrust this situation upon us and there's nothing we can do about it.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#162

Post by OkayPhysicist »

Yoric wrote: post #87
peterspath wrote: post #74

Go to church. Data from various studies, including those from academic institutions and public health organisations, supports the idea that regular church attendance helps reduce loneliness by fostering social connections, support networks, and a sense of community. 1. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3551208/ 2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/human-flourishing/20... 3. https://hrbopenresearch.org/ar…

For what it's worth, I tried that a few years ago. It worked for a while. Then I realized that my church relationships were paper thin and that I'd be forgotten the day I stopped coming and/or I started showing that I didn't really believe in what was preached. Got better connections through improv acting and role-playing game. YMMV

I'm no fan of religion, but the situation you described is true for pretty much all social hobbies. It's just one of the early steps in making friends. First you do stuff, then you meet people through that stuff forming acquaintances. Then you spend some time forming setting-specific friendships. It's fine to have lots of these, but the next step is to break out of that specific setting. Starting with immediate invitations to adjacent events ("Hey, want to grab dinner after our workout?", "Want to grab lunch after church?", "Hey, want to hit the bar after work?"). Once you have a habit of doing that, you can escalate to invitations to non-adjacent events. ("Want to go to a concert this weekend?"). Do that ever 1-2 months, and you've got a general friend.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#163

Post by publicdebates »

munificent wrote: post #128
asdfman123 wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the trick is getting off social media. When I was a computer nerd in the 2000s, I noticed people used to like to hang around and chat, but I mostly didn't. Now, everyone is an internet addict, and I was just ahead of the curve. No one hangs around and chats anymore. When you get off social media, real life becomes far more interesting. The problem with addiction is that it's so stimulating that everything els…

I agree but if your goal is to socialize more, it's not enough to get off social media. You need to be in a place where enough other people do too. Think of a city as both a spatial and a temporal grouping of people that are in the same place at the same time. Every hour a person spends at home on social media is an hour that they aren't really in the city and are not available for you to socialize with. The cumulati…

I thought of this the other day. I was on the train ride back from Chicago, and there was a family of four adults, sitting across from me, all just staring at their phones. I was effectively alone at that point in time. None of them were present. But you explained it in a new way I had not thought of before. They're quite literally not there in that moment, for however long that moment lasts.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#164

Post by cons0le »

1. Pass a law letting people WFH where its reasonably possible. I WFH in a walkable city and me and my friends try new restaurants every week, always around noon. I've met lots of new people, and joined new groups that I wouldn't have found out about if I was stuck at my desk. Give people more freedom of movement.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#165

Post by AlecSchueler »

zahlman wrote: post #88
AlecSchueler wrote: post #39

If you have young boys in your life then teach them that it's ok to feel and express their emotions, and as they get older that their sexual self need not be frightening and that sex can exist outside of narratives of domination.

This requires them to have spaces where they can express themselves sexually without the fear that male sexuality will be judged as inherently violent or oppressive. I've lost count of the times I've seen women praised while men were castigated, in the same space, for expressing any kind of honest sexual preference.

Yes, that's the issue I'm highlighting. We have to teach the next generation differently. Be the safe space

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#166

Post by throwaway314155 »

ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

> 2. Join a religious organization. Go to church, but also join the mens/womens group, join a bible studies class. Attend every week.

So no atheists then?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#167

Post by SoftTalker »

markus_zhang wrote: post #79

I think this is fine? I’m pretty quiet in my real life but I do talk about here.

It can be fine, if you're happy in a mostly solitary life there's nothing wrong with that.

If you're unhappy and feel a need for more friends, then you'll need to take some action if all you do is sit at home on a screen all day.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#168

Post by soulofmischief »

ge96 wrote: post #145
soulofmischief wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hear me out. Its not just social awkwardness. You're experiencing class boundaries and do not seem to have the right mentality to bridge the gap. First, you call homeless people bums, which sets the stage for how you see and treat them. I'm an excellent engineer, but I was abused and impoverished as a child, homeless as a teenager. During my 20s, I started a few companies but my savings have been continually depleted…

I get it, but $5 to change someone's life? It's funny there was a moment I was at a bus station, somebody asked me for money and I dumped all the coins I had in my wallet in their hand for future bus rides. And some lady comes up to me jokingly like "you handing money out? what about me". But yeah I think I should just give the money out, I think aside from the guy at the red light that's there almost everyday when i…

Buy someone new clothes. A sleeping bag. Utensils. A library card or bus pass. If it has to be cash, you don't have to stop at $5. I sometimes give out tens and twenties. Obviously at a place like California your altruism can be spread pretty thin; just ignore the people who are more difficult / less appreciative. Find someone who is appreciative. Get to know them and find out what is holding them back. Maybe you can't help, maybe you can. I've had people tell me I've made their day, their week, their year.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#169

Post by jayd16 »

peterspath wrote: post #74

Go to church. Data from various studies, including those from academic institutions and public health organisations, supports the idea that regular church attendance helps reduce loneliness by fostering social connections, support networks, and a sense of community. 1. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3551208/ 2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/human-flourishing/20... 3. https://hrbopenresearch.org/ar…

"Just join a group"

The whole point is that they're not doing that, not that they can't or that its really hard to do.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#170

Post by mystifyingpoi »

throwaway2037 wrote: post #156
swah wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1. fair 2. did this but they are all 80+ 3. ok 4. not that good at anything, too old for most groups. gym no one talks with anyone. bjj was the best for this, since its more older and mostly men 5. remote work ruined my mental health

> gym no one talks with anyone My experience is similar. I think there is a combination of "some gyms are more social" and "some people are good at breaking the ice with strangers". On social media, I frequently hear people say stuff like: "Oh yeah, I have a bunch of friends at the gym." I am not doubting their story, but it doesn't happen to me. > remote work ruined my mental health I'm sorry to hear it. I'm not her…

> "Oh yeah, I have a bunch of friends at the gym."

Their definition of "a friend" can wildly vary from yours. Especially if such relationship is cultivated only at the gym. I'd hardly call it "friendship".

Post reply on HN