You don't have to suppress anything that appears on your mind because it's transitory. Let it come, let it be, and let it go. By trying to get rid of it you just make it more real than it is. Just observe.
Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
161–170 of 213 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#162Don't stop ranting. A good rant is good. I value HN for its critical slant, a much needed remedy to the effusive cheerleading of technology social media discourse/sales-puffery.
Worried about looking obnoxious? Post under a pseudonym.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#163Negativity has been trained into you. I would venture a guess that you have never tried gizzards, liver, chicken feet, etc. The thought of eating them disgusts you, but you really don't know. You were trained to be this way, and there's only 1 way to fix this. Repetition, just like how you learn anything else. Repeat to yourself anything and it will become so.
Another point, you have 3 large luggage. You can only carry 1, they are that heavy. You need to learn to only try to carry 1. What is that luggage called? Past, Present, Future. You can only carry the present. If you try to carry the past, you will constantly remind yourself of negatives in the past. You will get caught up in the past and not live the present. The future is even worse because you literally dont know what's coming, if you try to lift the future luggage you will break your back. Live only in the present, dont concern yourself with the past negativity. You just need to be positive from now on.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#164I inherited contrarianism from my dad, and it took a long time to realize what I was doing -- I thought I was just "being smart". Next time your brain spits out a reason why something will fail, then make it also spit out two why the thing will succeed.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#165Sometimes negativity is the right response. Chronic negativity comes from somewhere, it has a cause; and then it becomes a habit. It's also a form of self defense, because it makes you less vulnerable. Consider cutting down on mainstream media and entertainment, everything you consume goes somewhere. Meditation works, but takes serious effort to get anywhere, because you will have to confront whatever is eating you f…
> Consider cutting down on mainstream media and entertainment
Agree. I've always been a new junkie. To my own detriment. I'm now even weening myself off of Hacker News.
To stay semi-informed, I read about current events a month or more after they happen. This mostly allows time enough for "slow boring" analysis, skipping over the hot takes and outrage machine.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#166People will Surely shit on my suggestion, but I found the book “Ego is the Enemy” very illuminating of my own flaws. And recently I read/watched Postive intelligence https://youtu.be/ta5IkSsc8qk which also helped me see some of my deeply ingrained defective thinking patterns. One of those might help.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#167Thinking negative thoughts and noticing negative aspects of things/situations is a habit you can break. My counter has been to keep a reminder and a google form where I jot down 3 things I am grateful for. Just repeating this over and over made a switch flip: I catch myself noticing positive aspects of what I would otherwise consider 'objectively' negative things. Bonus: I check this log every now and then and tell p…
A lot of good advice and great insights in this convo.
Adding my "Yes and" here, because your tip most closely matches my own.
> Thinking negative thoughts ... is a habit you can break.
### How you talk changes how you think. ###
At some point, exhausted by my own negativity, completely out of ideas, I decided to just fake being happy.
I labeled everything "phenomenal". Like a catch phrase. Followed by effusive positivity. Yes, it started out as mostly sarcastic.
Imagine my surprise when I woke up one day, said "I feel phenomenol!" and actually meant it.
My transition took about 3 years. It was so slow and subtle, I didn't realize it was actually happening.
I've since some stuff which validates my own experience.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#168Earlier quoted context omitted.
I read that book and as I recall, it makes the point that you need to have the intention and motivation to make it work, or else it won't matter. Whereas for me, the reasons I am always considering negative stuff (I just find it important to think in worst-case scenarios for various reasons), completely outweigh any desire I have to be more friendly and likeable. This has made my marriage difficult at times, and I've…
>I just find it important to think in worst-case scenarios for various reasons That's the key point. I think about the worst-case scenario as well, it is important. But as long as it does not kill me or leaves me with lifetime super negative impact, I am not spending too much time on it, because it is an inefficient use of my time and brain bandwidth. The reason is that statistically things turn out fine, usually not…
Oh, I'M not negatively affected by always thinking about worst-case scenarios. It's the people AROUND me who are negatively affected. That's the issue. If I stopped thinking about worst-case scenarios, they would be so much happier talking with me. Natural version of me is like, "screw that."
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#169The fact that you recognize this is a great first step.
It’s not abnormal to have a negative mindset. This goes back to our caveman days of having to think about the worst case scenario for everything since it was literally life or death.
I suffer from a negative mindset as well, and have found that therapy has been useful. Some things that worked for me:
As soon as you wake up, think or write down three things you’re grateful for. I found this very difficult at first, but it can be something simple: the sun is shining today
Think/write down 2-3 things that you will work on today to see the positive in - there’s usually a silver lining there, but you have to look at it hard, and honestly
Don’t watch the news. There’s never anything good there.
Cut back on social media. I went into a deep depression in 2016 and it was fueled by Twitter. I deleted every social media account I had, even LinkedIn. In fact, this HN account is the only thing o have now, and I mostly lurk.
Remind yourself that you can’t control other people - only yourself. Everyone suffers. Everyone can make bad mistakes and bad choices that may impact you. That’s a reflection on them, not you, so don’t let their choices and consequences live rent free in your head. You control you - that’s the best you can do.
Get adequate rest and exercise. It’s cliche, but those two things are the BIGGEST contributor to a healthier mindset.
Journal - writing stuff down helps me process negative thoughts and emotions. It can be cathartic. You may go through phases of wanting to write everything, and then nothing, and that’s ok.
Talk to a therapist. There’s no shame in this and it can help you understand where your negativity comes from and how you can change it.
Hope this helps. From another sufferer who’s still working on it himself.
Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?
#170Try to catch your negative thoughts and question them.
For example, if you have a thought "X is not going to work" then you can ask yourself: "What is the evidence that X has absolutely no chance of working?" and "What is some evidence supporting that X will work?". Then you can go back to the original thought and see that this statement might be more realistic: "X has a chance to work if Y and Z happens"
And try not to label things in absolute ways, as either black or white, but more as a shade of grey. Things are not either a success or a disaster. There is a lot inbetween.