Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

Important advice is to be that amazing father. Breastfeeding is a huge time/energy drain. And if one of you is full-time working, the other is full-time parenting during work hours. When working parent gets home, that’s when their parenting shift begins. Use parental leave if it’s available, negotiate more if you can.

I don’t know if I’m qualified as a father of three.

The most important point to raise children from my POV and experience is: mimétisme.

The very efficient way to teach or train them to adopt habit or behaviour is by personating yourself what you want them to be.

Children are copying what you are more than what you do.

Want them to love book ? Don’t buy them book and keep watching tv, play in front computer, or frenetically scroll your mobile. Just be a reader in front of them.

Want them to be curious, just be curious yourself… want them to clean and order their room, just clean your mess and order the house.

It’a all about that Your behaviour is the most important.

Leadership is not about enforcing things to other. But being the living example of the behaviour you want them to adopt.

Another important point from my POV, is learning and emotional context of the learning.

The more relaxed is the emotional context, the easier the learning will be easy and the skills will be able to be reused with ease in the futur.

Each time you use a skill in your life, your body also bring back the emotional context of the time of skill learning.

Learning is joy, not pain, not stress, not tension. And they start learning and never stop from the moment they are out of the mother’s belly.

It’s your responsability as a parent to enforce a relaxed and joyful environment in your house.

I could say far more, but I will stop here and wish you the best of luck. Congratulation for you and your wife being a parents.

For the first three years, I cannot recommend anything else than reading and practicing what explain this book : https://www.gentlerevolution.com/products/how-smart-is-your-...

If you have to buy one book this is this one.

  > You should be honest about this. This wasn't really a "race" thing. You *wanted*
  > to do this to your son.

It is a race thing, and you are 100% that I wanted to my child to continue the traditions that have kept us distinct for millennia. Of course.

  > You did this without his consent. And you did something
  > that is completely irreversible.

That is a parent's job - to make these decisions and take the actions. Did you not have your child vaccinated for Polio, Hepatitis, Rotavirus, Diphtheria, Influenzae, Mumps, Rubella, Varicella, Papillomavirus, Tetanus, Meningococcal, Measles, Polysaccharide and Dengue? Is there no risk in and of those vaccines? Did you, as a parent, decide that the risk is worth the benefit?

  > Don't compare this to fishing, riding a bike, or even using a knife. All of those
  > are necessary skills, or at the very least, useful skills for children to know.

Fair point. I'll compare it to the Western traditions of feeding excessive sugar. Would you say that the addiction and intake of excessive sugar is a necessary skill? Would you say that it carries less risk of harm than circumcision?

  > You did something that *was actually risky to do*, for literally no other
  > reason other than this awful justification about "race".

Yes. Of course.

  > And for what its worth, I'm Iranian. So I get how _expected_ it is from culture.

I understand that many Iranians today are undergoing a shedding of the influence forced upon by foreign interests - mostly in regards to the Islamic and Arab influences. Even the Iranian language is today infected with Arabic words - you'll hardly hear any sentence in Iranian today that is not using Arabic words. And I'm not referring to just the past 40 years, rather, that was a turning point but the process is actually much older. So, as I understand it, today many Iranians are shedding _all_ traditions - not only the Arab traditions but also the distinct Iranian traditions. Correct me if I'm wrong.

So I really do understand your sentiment that traditions have no value. I get it. But I counter that traditions in fact do have value for those who hold them dear. Does a photograph of a parent have value? A photo of your parent has no value to me, but a photo of my parent has value to me - and I suspect vice versa. I am the distinct person I am because of the values that I hold, those values include things that we will most likely agree upon (Do not murder) but I accept that you don't value things that we don't agree upon. That's fine. But recognize that _you_ feel so passionately about circumcision not because of the risk. Other common practices have greater risk with less benefit. Rather, the media that sold you on this viewpoint specifically, had ulterior motives. I have no problem with your opinion. I do have a problem with the fervent obsession that people have with this one specific low-risk activity that Jews do, while ignoring far riskier and more prevalent activities. The media shaped your opinion with motive. Recognize that.

As a father of 2:

For the next years everyone will tell you what you should do.

DO NOT ALLOW them to make you or your partner guilty or miserable for not following other people instructions / advice / buying reccomendations.

This is specially important to mothers: there is a HUGE pressure for them to follow perfectly all instructions and advice.

For instance, if she doesn't want (or just can't) breastfeed the baby, it is okay as long as it is your decision.

(btw memorize how to get to the ER / emergency because you'll visit the doctor more than you think - better to be able to drive on autopilot).

There is nothing to read between the lines bere. Circumcision is "singled out" because that's the only one that realistically might happen to a child born in the west.

If I were to have a child, circumcision would definitely need to be discussed with my partner. Because there are plenty of reasons people decide to opt-in for that procedure, none of which have any intentionally malicious components to it.

FGM wouldn't need to be discussed, because not only I assume nobody here would be insane enough to even propose it, it is just downright evil, carries zero non-malicious purpose, and is illegal to perform here. I see zero reason to worry about something that cannot even be legally performed in the first place.