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Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

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Re: Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

#121

Post by pbhjpbhj »

sergiomattei wrote: post #116
aantix wrote: post #62

1) For M-F, they are allowed 1 hour a day. Go to Settings->Screen Time->App Limits. 2) For Sat and Sun, 3 hour limit, but a time window of 6am-9am. So if they're going to use the time, it'd better be in the morning while we're sleeping in. :) Go to Settings->Screen Time->Downtime (enable scheduled). 3) I've always curated their Youtube subscriptions, without their knowledge, unsubscribing from the 100's of Minecraft…

Add to that list Factorio or Minecraft! They’re very creative games (especially Factorio, which makes me use my CS education on a daily basis).

It seems like Factorio (I prefer Dyson Sphere Program) might be an outlet for creativity that you already have. Other people will not be as creative, they might need guiding to learn how to optimise and how to make tradeoffs, etc.

Depends on the child/person a lot IME. Sometimes we think it's the game that is creative, but it is we who are creative and that creativity can be built in other skills.

Re: Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

#122

Post by aantix »

sergiomattei wrote: post #116
aantix wrote: post #62

1) For M-F, they are allowed 1 hour a day. Go to Settings->Screen Time->App Limits. 2) For Sat and Sun, 3 hour limit, but a time window of 6am-9am. So if they're going to use the time, it'd better be in the morning while we're sleeping in. :) Go to Settings->Screen Time->Downtime (enable scheduled). 3) I've always curated their Youtube subscriptions, without their knowledge, unsubscribing from the 100's of Minecraft…

Add to that list Factorio or Minecraft! They’re very creative games (especially Factorio, which makes me use my CS education on a daily basis).

We've debated Minecraft.

They play it so, so much (still). We're just trying to force them to branch out a bit.

Re: Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

#123

Post by pbhjpbhj »

colinmhayes wrote: post #80
Aeolun wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At what point do you see this starting? I certainly don’t expect or trust a 3 year old to act as responsibly as I do And I’m already a fairly irresponsible person.

Probably when they're capable of realizing you're a hypocrite?

There a difference between children having different limits to parents and to hypocrisy. There also a difference in responsibility, yes it's wrong for me to get drunk; letting a child get drunk, well that's immoral, criminal and a lot further down the 'unhealthy' road.

Treating children as small adults is wrong in so many ways.

Re: Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

#124

Post by chrisjc »

aantix wrote: post #62

1) For M-F, they are allowed 1 hour a day. Go to Settings->Screen Time->App Limits. 2) For Sat and Sun, 3 hour limit, but a time window of 6am-9am. So if they're going to use the time, it'd better be in the morning while we're sleeping in. :) Go to Settings->Screen Time->Downtime (enable scheduled). 3) I've always curated their Youtube subscriptions, without their knowledge, unsubscribing from the 100's of Minecraft…

> but a time window of 6am-9am. So if they're going to use the time, it'd better be in the morning while we're sleeping in

absolutely genius!

Re: Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

#125

Post by pawelmurias »

bad_username wrote: post #118
pawelmurias wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The other reason this works so well is that our children are not our friends. We don't have a peer relationship with them and we don't owe them explanations as to why our family is different from other families or blah blah blah. You are aware that if you don't become friends with them as they grow up it's very likely you will very likely have a very limited relationship unless you continue to send them money?

I would agree that parents are not friends. It sounds harsh on the surface, but it just denotes that parenthood is a very separate category of relationship. You can't be a responsible parent if you treat your kids exactly like e.g. your adult friends or your neighbor's kids.

It obvious that they are a different relationship than your adult friends. Enforcing stupid rules without discussion or explanations is a pretty hostile action. Nobody wants you to treat a 3 year old as child, but a teenage would be pretty upset if some fuckwit turned of the internet when they are want to look some stuff on MDN or commit code to github. This also teaches your kids to be abused as adults. Excessive obedience is not a good quality. If you just want to boss them around when they grow up don't get upset if send you to a cheap-ass nursing home.

Re: Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

#126

Post by 908B64B197 »

rsync wrote: post #86
atomicnumber3 wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't mean to judge, but this sounds like a great way to make sure your kids become experts at circumventing your limitations. Take it from a kid whose parents didn't let him play RuneScape because it had witchcraft in it, and whose playtime of neopets was limited to 1 hr per day. I quickly became unusually good at both sneaking around the house at night to use the computer at 2am and also was surprisingly good at…

"I don't mean to judge, but this sounds like a great way to make sure your kids become experts at circumventing your limitations." There is nothing to circumvent and no adversary to overcome. The Internet just disappears. They can play games or watch shows all they want to. "... this sounds like a great way to make sure your kids become experts at circumventing your limitations." If my children manage to erect a cell…

> We have a different wifi network for the children that has a very restrictive schedule. Basically just Fri/Sat night and 15 mins on weekday evenings to send messages to friends and check school assignments.

> If they need to do homework, they plug into an Ethernet switch and sit at the dining room table with a laptop.

> There is nothing to circumvent and no adversary to overcome. The Internet just disappears.

You have to realize they very well know this is an arbitrary limit you have created out of thin air since they can see the other wifi network and (at least the oldest) just know that the ethernet switch works 24/7.

I mean, let's be real, they'll read about the Iranian and Egyptians warlords who tried to cut out the country's internet to keep control and make the connection.

Re: Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

#127

Post by novok »

salemh wrote: post #117
smeeth wrote: post #51

I'm not a parent, but I was somewhat recently parented. Consider holding yourself to the same standard you set for your kid. My parents are mental health professionals and did this with me. I think it was incredibly valuable and I respect them a lot for it now that I'm older. I don't think its wise to restrict usage, watch over their shoulder, or block websites if you aren't willing to submit to the same restrictions…

Even if the adults are not able to restrict themselves, they are still responsible for the well being of the children who don't know better, at least until they are past the point of reducing cognitive, critical thinking and reading comprehension. A four year old doesn't know better. Effects of Excessive Screen Time on Neurodevelopment, Learning, Memory, Mental Health, and Neurodegeneration: a Scoping Review https://…

One thing that I think would be hard to tease out, but would be important to do so, is do these kids have more screen time than usual, because they are harder to handle as children and thus are more likely to have excessive screen time given to them by their parents? Or the parents have less capacity limit this and is overall part of a theme of less parental resources?

Re: Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

#128

Post by novok »

watwut wrote: post #114
cmrdporcupine wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absolutely. This happened just last week and it was the worst -- door locked and barricaded shut, would not eat dinner, wouldn't talk to us for hours, just the worst. Terrifying parent moment and all we did was put our foot down. So hard to set the limits and enforce them.

I think it is because loss of phone also means social isolation during that period.

Public desktop computer, group chat / video call apps only?

Re: Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

#129

Post by novok »

rsync wrote: post #96
Aeolun wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> we don't owe them explanations as to why our family is different from other families Don’t you feel like this will backfire at some point? I don’t think I would have liked it if my parents never explained themselves.

"Don’t you feel like this will backfire at some point? I don’t think I would have liked it if my parents never explained themselves." This is turning into a discussion of parenting, generally, so I won't go too deeply into this ... What I will say is that stability and predictability are what make this possible. When our children were old enough to care about wifi and Internet and social media, these limitations were…

You do give off vibes of an arbitrary authoritarian parenting style. I have to warn you that can backfire hard when your older and they are adults. I do hope you at least try to explain things to them.

https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/authoritarian_parenting_style

Re: Ask HN: Tech-savvy parents, what are the gadget rules for your kids?

#130

Post by 908B64B197 »

watwut wrote: post #114
cmrdporcupine wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absolutely. This happened just last week and it was the worst -- door locked and barricaded shut, would not eat dinner, wouldn't talk to us for hours, just the worst. Terrifying parent moment and all we did was put our foot down. So hard to set the limits and enforce them.

I think it is because loss of phone also means social isolation during that period.

Especially with COVID, that pretty much cuts her off from all of her friends, leaving her only able to talk with her parents and her younger brother who she can't relate to instead of venting out to her friend and cooling off.

Her school, extracurricular and free time with her social circle were already taken out from her and now the phone? And we all know whatever social life her friend circle has won't stop. She's just going to be left out. Once again.

I get that this is HN and a lot of people here probably didn't care to be left out (or convinced themselves they didn't).

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