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Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

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Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#101

Post by stefanos82 »

A couple of suggestions I have learned from personal experience:

  1. Be yourself
  2. Be sincere
  3. Do your best to speak as little as possible
  4. Be observant and mindful when others speak to you
  5. Learn to listen
  6. Be appreciative
  7. If you are genuinely happy when you see someone, show it to him or her with a big smile and the warmest hug.
  8. Don't be a people pleaser; if you don't like something, don't force yourself to do so for the sake of feeling "in" with others.
Head up, deep breath, off you go my boy.

P.S.: Better to be alone and happy than be surrounded by countless of people and be lonely...I speak from experience.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#102

Post by bravura »

TLDR: Maybe you don't want CS major friends, maybe you want a completely different kind of friend group that you wouldn't have expected in advance. Also, consider throwing events.

My quick story, from "zero to hero" (just kidding).

Never interested in CS major interests.

During high school, I kept to myself. There were people I was "friendly" with, but no friends. Spent all my time on the computer coding.

Freshman year of college: Took super hard math and physics classes, where you were encouraged to work with others on super hard problem sets, I made friends. It was mainly focused around work and shooting the shit during super long study sessions. However, I felt like something was missing from my social life.

Sophomore year: On a punt, decided to start taking arts classes. Fiction writing, video, etc. Realized I love hanging out with artists. Joined the literary magazine and spent a lot of time at the literary magazine house in my free time. (Also realized that freshman friendship groups are only rigid and fixed for a small portion of the population and many other students were seeking different deeper friendships throughout the entirety of their college experience.)

Junior year: Ran for and achieved Dionysus position ("social chair") on the literary magazine. Started throwing our parties and immediately became immensely popular.

Now: All my friends see me as the most outgoing, incredibly well-loved, bon vivant type. Almost my entire social circle is artists. No one can believe that I started so "introverted" and solo.

p.s. throwing events is an amazing way to start meeting a lot of people and gain a wider possibility for possible friends.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#103

Post by captn3m0 »

Use the college notice boards. My favorite way of meeting new friends was to put up a notice for the silly stuff I was into.

I once created a very silly CTF, and put up a few posters, and got enough participation to make a few friends and had a lot of fun organizing. No matter what you're into, make it into an event, and put up a poster.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#105

Post by TheGigaChad »

bArray wrote: post #21

> Advice on how to connect better with people? Log off, touch some grass. Put yourself out there. Once you get a few people around you, it's relatively easy to leaver yourself into other friends groups. > But I've heard everybody talking about Halloween costumes in the past few days and realized I don't need one cause I'll be sitting inside alone on Halloween. I'd like to start fixing this but don't know how. Just sa…

Dumb idiot, get cancer and die squealing out of pain.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#106

Post by throwawayboise »

Check out a fraternity or sorority. They get a lot of negative publicity, some of it deserved, but some are good and there might be one that you vibe with. And they are all about your social development and having a group of friends. May not be the answer but at least check it out.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#107

Post by jtms »

pkhamre wrote: post #59
burlesona wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is good advice but it’s worth mentioning: 1. This kind of thing doesn’t come naturally for a lot of people (myself included) 2. It doesn’t always work even if you do it well. Perhaps the other people are also quite shy. So the important thing is practice, and to kind of brace yourself going in: “If it doesn’t click with these specific people, I don’t care. This is a practice run and I’ll practice again u…

Livestreaming on twitch and join discord-communities is a great place to practice social interactions.

Not sure why others are downvoting, this is really great advice for people who have social anxiety - low risk, real enough to be meaningful, usually narrowly focused on a shared interest, prepares you for the real thing. Downvote me as well if you like, but I’d be curious why people don’t agree

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#109

Post by dlevine »

As an introvert, I have found that I do best with situations that expose me to the same people for a while. For example, clubs and groups that regularly meet for the purpose of an activity. There are often many such things at most colleges - just think of some activities you enjoy doing and look at the directory of clubs.

And I wouldn't worry about having missed out - it's never too late to start. I wanted to be on my school newspaper, but didn't get around to it my freshman year. But I joined my sophomore year, got super into it, and was editor by my senior year.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#110

Post by jtms »

I had fantastic luck with Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Something about training hard with others really makes it easy to bond. Added benefit of getting into the absolute best shape of my life just for showing up and playing the game 5-6 days a week (yes, you get addicted to it pretty easily)
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