Ask HN: How have you burned bridges with people?

Quit a job after finding out a coworker had been fired, and that the entire review process (which I'd been pushing for for a while) was being done as a pretext to that. A few more minutes of thinking showed me that the only difference between two weeks' and walking then were that I'd be two weeks of sad down the road. So, I walked, after a cooldown moment in the bathroom.

Couple years later I met up with that exec again, and we got on just fine. Both acknowledged it was a shitty thing on both sides, and otherwise just went our separate ways. We were both polite about it.

Unintentionally?

My last startup dissolved after running out of boostrap funds and communication failures between my cofounder and I. It sucked, it hurt, and it was hell coordinating anything during the winddown. I was too ashamed and scared to talk to him about things really productively, and I suspect he may have felt similarly. I occasionally check up on him through a mutual acquaintance, but we don't talk and probably never will. :(

~

Basically, the notion of "burning bridges" is kinda silly. There are a few people I could list that, were they on fire, I wouldn't piss on to put out, but overall anybody that I've written off (or who has written off me) invariably seems to show up again, eventually.

Do what seems right, be reasonable about it, and don't be surprised if you meet that person again.

For what it's worth, there isn't a secret ledger that'll haunt you--in most industries.

Oh and someone in the last 8 years I said that I think exploiting security holes in someone else's box isn't curiosity, it's vandalism. Sorry rtm, I haven't changed my opinion on that one, but I still think you should fund us in the next batch. :-)

CASE #1

Context: Full-time job as a web developer in Eastern Europe

My boss was explaining something to me. When he left the room to answer a phone call, I quickly left the office and never communicated with the company again.

Outcome: I avoided being dragged down by work requests from that company, which would have kept me near the previous salary range for longer. I moved on to work as a freelancer for Western clients.

—

CASE #2

Context: Four and five-figure remote freelance jobs

On five occasions, ceased all communications with freelance clients: deleted the project from my computer, blacklisted their email addresses. In some cases I communicated the fact to the client.

Outcome: Nothing much. Moved on to greener pastures.

—

CASE #3

Context: Lead developer at a startup without traction running out of funding

Took a week off, at the end of which I made a broad email blacklist, encompassing the entire company (including many keywords, should they attempt to contact me from a different address), changed my phone number.

Outcome: Losing contact with a very well-connected person. Not having to participate in the death throes of a company I did not have any stake in.

—

CASE #4 (unsuccessful)

Context: Lead developer at a startup

Left suddenly for several months, after which the company took me back and doubled my pay. The exact same scenario happened again one year later.

Outcome: Getting caught in a golden cage. I became something of a prima donna, but with with the company expanding the development team, this will not last. I will probably leave on good terms for a change.