Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

#1

Post by burnedouthacker » Wed, May 13, 2009, 5:56 PM UTC

What happens is, that my little sister, who is at her second semester of an engineering program, asks me very often, to help her when she encounters a problem she cant do by herself.

For me, this is becoming annoying, in the sense that I have to interrupt whatever Im doing, and then make some time to read the chapter which contains the information needed to solve the problem, think about how to solve the problem, and after that explain to her how did I arrive to the solution.

I would add, that in general, whenever she is presented with a problem, she feels frustrated, and seeks either to find someone to blame, or sees it as a disgrace. She doesn't have that inquisitive nature, which makes people want to find a solution, even if the first approximation, didn't result in an answer.

What would you say I could do, in order to help her develop that inquisitive trait? How can I stop this endless cycle, of seeking for my help, whenever her approximations don't end with an answer?

Edit: Just some additional information. She's 19.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

#2

Post by noodle » Wed, May 13, 2009, 6:01 PM UTC

stop helping her. i can guarantee she won't develop that inquisitive trait or break the endless cycle of seeking your help if you continue to help her when she can't easily find an answer to a problem.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

#3

Post by [deleted] » Wed, May 13, 2009, 6:03 PM UTC

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

#4

Post by ScottWhigham » Wed, May 13, 2009, 6:08 PM UTC

noodle wrote: post #2

stop helping her. i can guarantee she won't develop that inquisitive trait or break the endless cycle of seeking your help if you continue to help her when she can't easily find an answer to a problem.

Absolutely. She won't be able to work like that in the workplace. If she feels disgraced to ask for help, maybe you should talk to her and explain, "CS is hard. No one should be ashamed to ask questions." She won't enjoy working if she is intimidated by hard problems.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

#5

Post by ScottWhigham » Wed, May 13, 2009, 6:09 PM UTC

What about pointing her in the direction on an online forum that she could post and get questions answered? ExpertS-exchange and StackOverflow come to mind.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

#6

Post by noodle » Wed, May 13, 2009, 6:11 PM UTC

ScottWhigham wrote: post #4

noodle wrote: post #2

stop helping her. i can guarantee she won't develop that inquisitive trait or break the endless cycle of seeking your help if you continue to help her when she can't easily find an answer to a problem.

Absolutely. She won't be able to work like that in the workplace. If she feels disgraced to ask for help, maybe you should talk to her and explain, "CS is hard. No one should be ashamed to ask questions." She won't enjoy working if she is intimidated by hard problems.

even beyond that, she's on semester 2. my engineering curriculum hit its hardest around semester 4/5/6. things are only going to get harder. take off the safety wheels now so that she can appropriately gauge the major she's picked.

better to figure out you want to switch majors at semester 2 than semester 6 when your problems are too difficult or time-consuming for your bro to help you out.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

#7

Post by lleger » Wed, May 13, 2009, 6:16 PM UTC

She's not a real engineer if she doesn't fail by herself. Of course, by fail I really mean try and try and eventually get it right. What should you do? Tell her to quit engineering.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

#8

Post by Zarathu » Wed, May 13, 2009, 6:22 PM UTC

Don't give her the answer, but it's okay to help her train of thought get to the right answer.

Give her debugging skills.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

#9

Post by synnik » Wed, May 13, 2009, 6:35 PM UTC

I wouldn't be quite as harsh as people have recommended...

For one thing, getting an education includes learning how to solve your own problems. Your explanations of your solutions may help her gain that knowledge. Assuming that because someone is not a problem solver in their 2nd semester, that they never will be... well, that is just false logic.

Even if she never does learn to solve problems, she may still get a basic engineering job. But she will not become a senior level engineer.

Ultimately, you need to explain to her that her goal is not just to solve the problems... it is to improve her own self-sufficiency. If she udnerstands that, it might change her approach to things.

And finally, she is your sister -- Just help the girl out.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with a sister that asks for help very often?

#10

Post by Allocator2008 » Wed, May 13, 2009, 6:38 PM UTC

Just say, "Well, how would YOU approach this?" to gauge where she is at. So rather than solve it for her every time, have her give it a stab first. Let her be totally wrong, but at least have her try. Then correct her approach and set her on the right path. Then if she really is stuck after making an honest effort, then help out with the answer, but basically the more times questions like "What do you think?" are put to her, the more she will hopefully think on her own.