Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
georgiaweidman.com
Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
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Re: Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
#2Why not out the guy? at the very least, as warning to other people to be weary around him.
Re: Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
#3Quite a direct story. And it's hard to find that line where further advancements suddenly become unwelcome. I guess the advice "know your limits" is what we have.
Re: Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
#4Why not out the guy? at the very least, as warning to other people to be weary around him.
Well, we have a lot of metadata...
Re: Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
#5ETA: I agree with mvanveen's comment below. As Georgia says, her duty is done. My confusion should be taken as my own failure to relate. Our duty is to fix these problems.
I'm confused by the attitude of (maybe I'm reading this wrong) "This is a big deal, not like that silly 'feminist' stuff" when everything wrong here (other than the attack itself) is subtle institutionalized sexism.
They guy's a creeper, but he wasn't already outed and banned.
The victim's story is questioned because of flirting/drinking/invitation/politeness
She had to second-guess herself and worry about legalities during the attack.
She's now afraid of sexist comments and still doesn't want to publicly name someone who is dangerous. (I'm not criticizing her choice per se, the problem is whatever is giving her reason not to identify him)
It's easy to treat all of these as little things, but if the community had treated these issues as a big deal and dealt with them, maybe this attack wouldn't even have happened.
Re: Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
#6ETA: I agree with mvanveen's comment below. As Georgia says, her duty is done. My confusion should be taken as my own failure to relate. Our duty is to fix these problems. I'm confused by the attitude of (maybe I'm reading this wrong) "This is a big deal, not like that silly 'feminist' stuff" when everything wrong here (other than the attack itself) is subtle institutionalized sexism. They guy's a creeper, but he was…
The real problem is what happens after an attack or disagreeable issue. Neither party can be sure of the "process", there will be conflicting stories, other factors, reactions from the less informed, societal norms, bias etc. If there was an expectation of a prompt rapid justice process then that would have been the solution, and it would certainly diminish future issues.
Instead the poster has to consider if there would even be justice, how long it would take, if it would be reasonable/objective, comments from the peanut gallery etc. Hopefully societies will keep getting better at this.
Re: Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
#7ETA: I agree with mvanveen's comment below. As Georgia says, her duty is done. My confusion should be taken as my own failure to relate. Our duty is to fix these problems. I'm confused by the attitude of (maybe I'm reading this wrong) "This is a big deal, not like that silly 'feminist' stuff" when everything wrong here (other than the attack itself) is subtle institutionalized sexism. They guy's a creeper, but he was…
I am not "confused" by this attitude. Can we cut a victim some slack? I think asking her to take on that "subtle institutionalized sexism" is part of the reason she expressed qualms about publishing this in the first place.
I think it took tremendous courage for the author to post this and I don't think it's fair to ask her to try and address all these issues with her tone.
I think the fact we're more interested in analyzing the authors tone rather than sympathizing with a woman who DEFENDED HERSELF FROM RAPE and wasn't given sufficient support at a conference is maybe why she feels like she has to put out such a tone.
Please don't misinterpret me and think I'm saying that dongle jokes are ok and that subtle, institutionalized sexism isn't a big deal. I just think we could do more to give people some safe space to express anecdotes like this, and that might help foster an atmosphere of discussion.
Maybe then the next person who has the courage to come forward with an issue like this will feel empowered enough to talk about the cultural factors you're mentioning without needing to get on the defensive.
Re: Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
#8ETA: I agree with mvanveen's comment below. As Georgia says, her duty is done. My confusion should be taken as my own failure to relate. Our duty is to fix these problems. I'm confused by the attitude of (maybe I'm reading this wrong) "This is a big deal, not like that silly 'feminist' stuff" when everything wrong here (other than the attack itself) is subtle institutionalized sexism. They guy's a creeper, but he was…
I was similarly taken aback by her apparent dismissal of feminism. For most of her post, she outlined the subtle institutional sexism that enables her would-be rapist and prevents her from taking any effective action.
Does she believe that by giving credence to the feminism that challenges the less overt sexist attitudes and actions in the community, we divert attention from 'real' violence towards women? Perhaps she's aware of the fact that many dismiss feminism categorically, so she's attempting to distinguish the violence towards her as a real offense.
Either way I agree with you, but I also can't blame her for writing it the way she did. I hope that the incredible guts it took for her to write this post encourages other women to be vocal about their own experiences of this nature. I hope this gently open a dialogue on sexism with an undeniable and overt demonstration of sexism in the community. But right now, I hope that the community supports her.
Re: Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
#9Why not out the guy? at the very least, as warning to other people to be weary around him.
She mentioned on Twitter that she's afraid of a lawsuit. Somebody told her it would be libel. I'm pretty sure that's not true in the US. But even if she would eventually win the lawsuit, they can still be ruinously expensive, so her fear could be justifiable.
Anyhow, other people have outed the guy on Twitter. You can turn it up with a little rummaging. Several people have asked him for his side of the story, but there has been no reply as yet.
Re: Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With
#10ETA: I agree with mvanveen's comment below. As Georgia says, her duty is done. My confusion should be taken as my own failure to relate. Our duty is to fix these problems. I'm confused by the attitude of (maybe I'm reading this wrong) "This is a big deal, not like that silly 'feminist' stuff" when everything wrong here (other than the attack itself) is subtle institutionalized sexism. They guy's a creeper, but he was…
I am not "confused" by this attitude. Can we cut a victim some slack? I think asking her to take on that "subtle institutionalized sexism" is part of the reason she expressed qualms about publishing this in the first place. I think it took tremendous courage for the author to post this and I don't think it's fair to ask her to try and address all these issues with her tone. I think the fact we're more interested in a…
Thank you, edited.