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Things You Think Aren’t Sexist, But Really Are

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Re: Things You Think Aren’t Sexist, But Really Are

#3

Post by testbro »

As a normal male I find it perplexing how anyone could find the majority of these things appropriate.

I can't speak for women, but it seems a little extreme to assert that women should be shielded from innuendo in case it reduces the males into a pack of sexually charged morons.

Re: Things You Think Aren’t Sexist, But Really Are

#6

Post by tonyarkles »

dialmaster wrote: post #4

At most of these conferences many of the attendees DO go out to the local bars after the conference hours are over for the day. I assume at that point "normal" bar behaviour is OK?

There's a pretty fine line there. It's hard to define specific rules for it, and it seems that "use your best judgement" seems like a poor statement, given how little good judgement seems to surround this kind of stuff.

To be honest, I've sat here staring into space for a while trying to think of a good answer, and the best I can come up with is: At a tech conference, leave it up to the women make the first move, if there's going to be any moves made. That's by far the safest bet for making everyone feel the most comfortable, even if it means missed opportunities.

I'm more than open to debating this though, it's a super tough issue. I've never been in an awkward spot at a conference like this, but I've definitely experienced it with women in my undergrad Computer Science program (both personally and as a third party).

Re: Things You Think Aren’t Sexist, But Really Are

#7

Post by drewcoo »

testbro wrote: post #3

As a normal male I find it perplexing how anyone could find the majority of these things appropriate. I can't speak for women, but it seems a little extreme to assert that women should be shielded from innuendo in case it reduces the males into a pack of sexually charged morons.

I'm a guy. That all offends me, too. The difference is that as a male I'm not so likely to have trolls from all over the web threaten me (with violence, no less) for saying it's inappropriate. There's the "a little extreme" for you and that's why everyone might seem like they're overreacting. They're not.

Re: Things You Think Aren’t Sexist, But Really Are

#8

Post by tonyarkles »

fbdf87cd wrote: post #5

> Rule of thumb: if I think we’re on hugging terms, I’ll go in for the hug. Otherwise please don’t touch me. Looks like you're sexist too! You should check your double standards at the door if you want to be taken seriously.

> You should check your double standards at the door if you want to be taken seriously.

You say that as though male-male, female-female, male-female, and female-male interactions are all identical; they're not. I really don't think that she's saying she's going to indiscriminately grope people based on "whether or not she feels they're on hugging terms".

As far as a double-standard goes, it's a fact of (Western) life that a man going around offering unwanted hugs to women is seen as significantly creepier than a woman who offers an unwanted hug.

You're more than welcome to try to change that! Next time you receive an unwanted hug from a woman at a tech conference, make as much of a fuss as you want about it. Report it to the conference organizers.

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