Social anxiety isn't about being liked
chrislakin.blog
Social anxiety isn't about being liked
1–10 of 230 posts
Re: Social anxiety isn't about being liked
#2I like that bit about optimizing for not going bankrupt vs. windfall
Idk you hear these phrases all the time excelsior, shoot for the stars land in the moon, etc... gotta actually apply it
Tangent about drugs I wish I felt like I did when on the snow all the time damn, what a great mindset like anything is possible, same with adhd meds but I can see how it would be bad too not having fear/self doubt eg. "I'm gonna jump off this building and land over there", over confidence
Oh this was about 10 yrs ago I was partaking I'm not in that env anymore where I can easily source stuff, now it's just alochol
Re: Social anxiety isn't about being liked
#3I hadn’t heard the word countersignaling before, but it matches something I had observed many years ago.
My closest groups of friends always make so much fun of each other. We make negative comments about the worst traits about each other, the things that we are most self-conscious about… yet every time my friends make fun of me for something I worry about, I actually feel better and more comfortable with myself.
When I thought about why, I realized it’s because of the hidden message behind the ridicule of my longtime friends; they are telling me, “we are keenly aware of the worst qualities about you, and we love you and want to spend time with you anyway.”
There is comfort in knowing you don’t have to hide your flaws to be accepted and loved.
Re: Social anxiety isn't about being liked
#4I find merit with the core point as well the delivery.
I wish it was more commonly accepted that choosing not to act is effectively a stand against one's own value system in favor of the value systems of those who do act.
Re: Social anxiety isn't about being liked
#5As a person with social anxiety and a fear of being disliked I get to be the person that people love to talk about how much they hate all of the people that don't fear being disliked and all of the ways they are getting either getting screwed by other people or are being screwed by other people. We really deserve the society we live in
Re: Social anxiety isn't about being liked
#6This rings true to me as someone who's overcome most of his social anxiety over the last few years. The last graph is particularly correct. It's about being authentic and being okay with people not liking you. This is especially useful in dating because then you stop being needy (which is unattractive) when you can let go of the outcome and just show someone who you are and if they reject you then you simply realize that they aren't the person you were looking for because you were looking for someone who likes you for who you are.
Is the person who wrote the post qualified to say this though? Like are these statements the result of scientific research or just his opinion like my opinion?
Re: Social anxiety isn't about being liked
#7I hadn’t heard the word countersignaling before, but it matches something I had observed many years ago. My closest groups of friends always make so much fun of each other. We make negative comments about the worst traits about each other, the things that we are most self-conscious about… yet every time my friends make fun of me for something I worry about, I actually feel better and more comfortable with myself. Whe…
Not sure why this article didn't link to the original when citing it, but here's the link to the Scott Alexander blog: https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/04/23/friendship-is-counters...
And a follow up: https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/09/friendship-is-still-co...
Re: Social anxiety isn't about being liked
#8As a person with social anxiety and a fear of being disliked I get to be the person that people love to talk about how much they hate all of the people that don't fear being disliked and all of the ways they are getting either getting screwed by other people or are being screwed by other people. We really deserve the society we live in
That first sentence is hard to grok.
Re: Social anxiety isn't about being liked
#9I find merit with the core point as well the delivery. I wish it was more commonly accepted that choosing not to act is effectively a stand against one's own value system in favor of the value systems of those who do act.
It annoys me greatly when people say "I didn't choose [elected official] because I didn't vote at all".
Re: Social anxiety isn't about being liked
#10I hadn’t heard the word countersignaling before, but it matches something I had observed many years ago. My closest groups of friends always make so much fun of each other. We make negative comments about the worst traits about each other, the things that we are most self-conscious about… yet every time my friends make fun of me for something I worry about, I actually feel better and more comfortable with myself. Whe…
This seems fairly culture-dependent, from my experience.
For instance, I've noticed a distinct difference in how sarcasm is received in the Northeast US vs the West Coast. What you described feels more Northeast-y to me (I'm sure it varies by other segments and sub-sub-cultures, too).
There's the saying: "If an Irish person calls you 'asshole,' it means they think you're a friend. If they call you 'friend' it means they think you're an asshole."
Not just for the Irish though, I don't think (: