Why We Spiral
behavioralscientist.org
Why We Spiral
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Re: Why We Spiral
#2Original title: “Why We Spiral”; mangled by HN to the incomprehensible “We Spiral”.
Re: Why We Spiral
#3I think it's useful to try to always assume the best from others:
- If they aren't being friendly this will irritate them in a way they cannot object to too openly.
- If they are friendly it will avoid damage and even start an upward spiral.
Finally, remember that lots of people feel like you - so try to do little things that start them on an upward spiral. The more you do this for other people, the more they will be glad to see you.
Re: Why We Spiral
#4Original title: “Why We Spiral”; mangled by HN to the incomprehensible “We Spiral”.
I found the shortened one accurate and also thought provoking
Re: Why We Spiral
#5[deleted]
Re: Why We Spiral
#6Original title: “Why We Spiral”; mangled by HN to the incomprehensible “We Spiral”.
FYI HN does edit out the "Why", but OP can go in and modify the title after submitting.
Re: Why We Spiral
#7Your mind doesn’t, though. It’s still ruminating. Was that snark in my boss’s voice? Were they talking about me before I logged on?
I wonder if some of this could also be related to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hostile_attribution_bias where some people simply see ambiguous or benign behavior they don't like and interpret it as hostile.
Re: Why We Spiral
#8Original title: “Why We Spiral”; mangled by HN to the incomprehensible “We Spiral”.
I found the shortened one accurate and also thought provoking
I think the shortened title is actually better; the essay doesn't go deep into "why", it's more a set of observations illustrating that we do in fact spiral.
Re: Why We Spiral
#9I've found that handwritten letters, to my friends and to my colleagues, tends to go a very long way in making someone's day. Something that takes me ten minutes tends to make a difference for a month of more.
Re: Why We Spiral
#10I think it's useful to try to always assume the best from others: - If they aren't being friendly this will irritate them in a way they cannot object to too openly. - If they are friendly it will avoid damage and even start an upward spiral. When you're not feeling good enough it's sometimes helpful to remember that even people who create negative impacts often get into positions of power and stay there for one reaso…
> The more you do this for other people, the more they will be glad to see you.
That's not a given. That's the rational response on their end, but not only is no one perfectly rational, but some people are very, very irrational.
It can sometimes[1][2] be the case that the best option is to be among those who don't attract any attention at all.
Separately:
The spiraling described in this post is worth consideration, but equally worthy are the odd disparities in professional life (or life in general) and the negative consequences that aren't the result of internal forces like paralyzing self-doubt.
Consider an article that starts just like this one, except it focuses on the different consequences experienced by Dawn who is regularly forgiven for things like tardiness and mistakes in her work in contrast to more severe outcomes for Hila, who after arriving late—perhaps for the first time, even—is perceived to be fucking up because that's in her irresponsible nature[3]—even if a sober, objective analysis would reveal that Hila is actually exceeding the expectations one would have for any employee (and her transgressions are well behind the line of courtesy that is extended to Dawn)—for no other reason than Hila being younger or newer to the company.
This can result in a similar spiral of defeat, but it's a kind of defeat by external forces rather than self-defeat.
1. Depending on your environment/experience, you could even say "very often"
2. See also https://hn.algolia.com/?query=copenhagen%20strikes%20again&t...>
3. See also https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultimate_attribution_error>