Bridge to Nowhere

> But more than this I would come to learn that that I'd fallen into a trap of my own making.

I'd blame the medical doctor. In similar cases, they use misleading remarks and partial information to guide the patient in the path they prefer.

I had pretty much exactly the same thing happen to me, in 1996. I probably had 2 days to live. Benign brain tumors are bad. They don't have to be cancer.

I was given Option 3. I decided not to take it, and they were fairly confident that I'd be in a wheelchair, the rest of my life. That did not happen.

As things turned out, I was OK, but it took me a couple of months to learn to walk and chew gum at the same time.

It seems like the doctor has fallen victim to the politician's fallacy [0], summarized well on Wikipedia as

1. We must do something.

2. This is something.

3. Therefore, we must do this.

People seem to feel like there's merit in "trying something, anything" even if by trying something you may actively make the problem worse. We need to accept that we only have limited control. Bad things happen.

0. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politician%27s_syllogism

Sometimes, this is the gift of having a trained chaplain, pastor, or advocate with you who has navigated these moments before. I’ve been in these moments with people in my church, and I don’t think it is always about the doctors or healthcare providers withholding info. Sometimes, you are the tenth person they have seen in a short period of time, so they are trying to communicate as best as they can, as efficiently as they can. Having someone - doesn’t have to be religious to be clear - who has been in those rooms can be helpful. They can repeat what the doctor says, because it can be so frightening and hard to hear.

I have asked doctors and anesthesiologists to come back into the room and finish answering the questions. I know they are busy. But I know they want to put you at ease and give you all the info you need.

- What side effects can we expect from the medication? - What alternatives are possible? What if the treatment doesn’t work? - What is the prognosis - worst case and best case? - How long will recovery be? - When can family members/loved ones see them? - Who will contact the family members during the procedure? - How soon will the patient be up and about? - Do you know the patients limits and directives - like no resuscitation?

More than once, I have helped the doctors hear something that they had missed, buried in all of those charts. More than once, I helped a friend or loved one gain some clarity on why the course of action is best or whether they want to explore something else.

Powerful story! And helpful language to think about them as a Bridge to Nowhere.

How to avoid tumours growing in brain?