Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why parenting makes you human

josem.co

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

1–10 of 20 posts

Re: Why parenting makes you human

#2

Post by sublinear »

I'm probably not the target audience for this blog post, but if parenting humbles you this much you probably started a little too early.

> It’s not that I want to help a new human being for the rest of their life by sacrificing myself; no, I want something for myself, someone in this case. I want kids.

This part is the smoking gun.

> However, that selfish aspect of the planning phase goes away very soon.

There's nothing selfish about planning. If your plans don't hold up, that's a sign.

Re: Why parenting makes you human

#3

Post by kamikaz1k »

sublinear wrote: post #2

I'm probably not the target audience for this blog post, but if parenting humbles you this much you probably started a little too early. > It’s not that I want to help a new human being for the rest of their life by sacrificing myself; no, I want something for myself, someone in this case. I want kids. This part is the smoking gun. > However, that selfish aspect of the planning phase goes away very soon. There's noth…

Is there an age where parenting wouldn’t humble you? Or is a precise degree of humbling you’re trying to get at?

And what’s the sign you’re talking about? It sounds ominous but I didn’t get it.

I also don’t understand what smoking gun you’re seeing. IMO selfish is used too carelessly by the author. It’s not selfish, it’s just a want. Wants aren’t inherently selfish. And in that frame, I’d agree with the author. In typical western nuclear family setups, choice of children is usually a decision coming out of an individual want.

The transition he talks of is also typical in that stakes go up very quickly when the process kicks in. A human life is given a lot of value (in all sustainable cultures), and dealing with that can be really intense…if you’re allowed to feel it while trying to keep the children and yourself alive, which is typically very resource intensive. But the joy the author is talking about is very real.

There’s a pro-natalist group that described the joy as being able to appreciate the world from your children’s eyes, along with all their enthusiasm for it. The world anew.

And in that frame I can see a case of someone can do it too early. But nothing the author said indicated that to me.

Re: Why parenting makes you human

#5

Post by BlackFly »

This article, like most breathless endorsements of parenting, fails to detach personal experience from the actual experience.

Sometimes a mother doesn't immediately feel love for the child and instead feels an intense guilt for being so unmotherly in a world that talks so highly about the immediate connection between mother and child.

Sometimes a father won't feel the weight of responsibility and will rely on the mother completely to take care of the child.

Please excuse the genders, it also happens the other way around. Your mileage may vary with parenting. Don't have kids simply because you expect to feel this way... or do it, I am not your keeper.

Re: Why parenting makes you human

#8

Post by josem »

hnarayanan wrote: post #7
zecg wrote: post #4

> when you die, you’ll probably remember Is this vacuous clickbait written by AI?

This is what I felt when I saw the image at the end of the piece.

Author here :)

No, it's not AI-generated. I write for fun, and I don't see the point of using AI to do it.

The image, like many others I use to illustrate my articles, was obtained from pexels.com.

Thank you for the feedback!

Re: Why parenting makes you human

#10

Post by grugagag »

Parenting foced close a cycle and imparted me with a better understanding my own parents and hence on myself. Im aware that parenting isn’t for everyone and am not advocating or forcing it on all. But for me, it did indeed feel like it humbled me and gave a deeper meaning to my own life.
Post reply on HN