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Ask HN: How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

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Ask HN: How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

#1

Post by callwhendone »

I'm going on the assumption that most people here are more intelligent than the norm, with some of you being on far-right side of the curve. How do you deal with so many people in your day to day life being less intelligent?

I'm not looking for answers like "open-mindedness." I'm looking for real answers, because let's be honest, most people are pretty dumb. Most of the things people say aren't really worth thinking about, but we still have to listen to it all day in and day out. We can't be argumentative, because they won't understand the arguments and, if we do, it causes unnecessary turmoil. We have to listen, though, because it's the human thing to do.

As an example, my wife says things that are patently false regularly and there is no convincing her otherwise and trying to just causes a fight. I deal with the same thing with friends but it's easy to ignore because it's not constant.

It becomes tiring. Like putting on a facade everyday, ignoring all the things wrong that everyone is saying and just going through the motions with them not to upset the "balance."

I don't know guys, just a quick rant from me, I guess. I'm tired of listening to other people say dumb things constantly and seeing those dumb things translate into dumb actions.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

#2

Post by zero-sharp »

Please provide some specific examples.

I would consider myself fairly critical and I don't have your problem. Mostly because I can understand different needs, interests, and contexts. For example, I usually don't hold small talk to the same standard as technical discussions. If a friend or SO says something I perceive as "patently false", does it bother me? Depends on the context of the discussion. I allow people to express themselves. Is that open mindedness? Not really.

Most people, or at least the ones I interact with, really aren't as unintelligent as you describe in this post.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

#4

Post by smt88 »

I used to think exactly like this. I'll tell you what helped me.

1. Remember that you also say or believe wrong things quite often. Do people regularly get upset about it and call you out? Or do they give you grace because they care about you whether you're factually right or wrong? You'll be much happier if you learn some intellectual humility. Even the smartest people aren't right all the time (or even 90% of it).

2. Go to therapy. Learn how to practice intellectual flexibility, graciousness, and humility. Find out if you might have OCPD or be on the autism spectrum (not saying you come across that way, but it's worth discussing). It sounds like you, your wife, or both would be miserable with you constantly looking down on her and being irritated. She certainly deserves better than that.

3. Ask yourself whether you'd rather be right all the time or you'd rather have healthy, fulfilling relationships. You generally can't have both.

I am (much) smarter than the average person and almost never feel the urge to call someone stupid anymore or correct them when they're wrong. Most people are much smarter than you think because you're judging them on a scale you've put yourself at the top of.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

#5

Post by callwhendone »

smt88 wrote: post #4

I used to think exactly like this. I'll tell you what helped me. 1. Remember that you also say or believe wrong things quite often. Do people regularly get upset about it and call you out? Or do they give you grace because they care about you whether you're factually right or wrong? You'll be much happier if you learn some intellectual humility. Even the smartest people aren't right all the time (or even 90% of it).…

>OCPD

I do have this.

You're right though, the answer is patience.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

#7

Post by any_throw777 »

smt88 wrote: post #4

I used to think exactly like this. I'll tell you what helped me. 1. Remember that you also say or believe wrong things quite often. Do people regularly get upset about it and call you out? Or do they give you grace because they care about you whether you're factually right or wrong? You'll be much happier if you learn some intellectual humility. Even the smartest people aren't right all the time (or even 90% of it).…

I'm also much smarter than average, and it used to bother me.

I agree with your call to patience. In some way, we can see intelligence, and general wisdom as two axis.

Beyond patience, consider working on your compassion. You could try meditation, walks and any number of strategies, but foremost, you need to consider all those around us as worthwhile, regardless of their skills, intelligence, wisdom or anything else.

It is up to you to see beyond the superficial, and work your gifts for the benefit of those around you. If you mix your intelligence with compassion, you should be able to make others come to your view.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

#8

Post by callwhendone »

zero-sharp wrote: post #2

Please provide some specific examples. I would consider myself fairly critical and I don't have your problem. Mostly because I can understand different needs, interests, and contexts. For example, I usually don't hold small talk to the same standard as technical discussions. If a friend or SO says something I perceive as "patently false", does it bother me? Depends on the context of the discussion. I allow people to…

I would say some regular culprits are viral internet memes that say something crazy. My SO and I are ideologically aligned, for the most part, so are both right-wing. I don't know if you spend time in right-wing internet silos but there are a lot of [redacted] memes that go around claiming something wild that are almost always false. Maybe it's the same on the left, I have no idea.

Used to, I would explain what's going on, which I'm fine with. At a certain point, she became tired of the explaining and decided that I "never agree with her." So, now I have to ignore them, because I'd rather not fight about it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

#9

Post by callwhendone »

mtreis86 wrote: post #3

"Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't." ― Bill Nye

While knowledge is part of it, understanding is also a large factor. Having to explain things again and again and them not understanding what you're saying.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with being more intelligent than the general population?

#10

Post by bell-cot »

First issue - outside of "my IQ is..." bragging rights, intelligence is multi-dimensional. If not fractal. The IQ-ish dimensions are usually overrated - especially by folks for whom that's their strong suit, and by the young. Vs. the emotional maturity, big pictures, and wisdom-ish dimensions are really seldom understood, let alone mastered, until your later years.

There are some old proverbs about the wisdom and (un-)benefits of winning arguments with your wife. Beyond your need to be right about things, how much skin do you & yours have in the game on things that she's "wrong" about? If it's "homeopathy would be better than vaccines for our baby"-class stuff, that's probably worth arguing. Vs. she doesn't understand e=mc^2, or believes most politicians are well-intentioned, or knowns that your favorite football team isn't worth watching? Those really aren't worth fighting over.

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