The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
newyorker.com
The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
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Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#2"Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."
Jamie Anderson Felix Revello de Toro - Woman, 1965
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#3I felt sad for her father's death but then didn't make it through the great length with which she talked about a cat that you knew was going to be dead anyways.
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#4Related:
The Strangeness of Grief - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21939131 - Jan 2020 (20 comments)
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#5"Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." Jamie Anderson Felix Revello de Toro - Woman, 1965
This is brilliant. And it also illuminates how it can turn into something deeply maladaptive and self-destructive when we cling too hard to something that's passed or will eventually pass, when we define ourselves too much by that which we love or are loved.
It reminds me of all the times when I was young where I thought I was deeply in love, but really I was just in love with the feeling of being loved and accepted. And my grief when that was gone was love that I could've directed towards myself where it should've gone. It took until my 30s when I realized I could provide the love that I'd been missing all my life, and only then could I be in love in a way that wasn't suffocating and borne of fear.
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#6"Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." Jamie Anderson Felix Revello de Toro - Woman, 1965
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#7I found The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O'Connor really helpful. It gave me a frame for why grief is a necessary part of our brain processing the loss. It made it much easier to move through the pain.
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#8"Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." Jamie Anderson Felix Revello de Toro - Woman, 1965
"What is grief, if not love persevering?"
Vision - Westview, NJ, 2023
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#9"Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." Jamie Anderson Felix Revello de Toro - Woman, 1965
That’s so accurate. I think of it as something that happens to you. Grief comes for you, often when you least expect it. It’s a trap door you didn’t know you were standing on.
Mourning, however, is active. It’s a choice to turn and face your loss. Grief is your body telling you that you aren’t doing enough to mourn.
Re: The Strangeness of Grief (2019)
#10I found The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O'Connor really helpful. It gave me a frame for why grief is a necessary part of our brain processing the loss. It made it much easier to move through the pain.
What's the key insight?