From Vexing Uncertainty to Intellectual Humility

From Vexing Uncertainty to Intellectual Humility
academic.oup.com

> It is not important to know where the voices are coming from. It had just been demonstrated to me that prior to turning around I did not know their origin, and yet I was comfortable having taken on the “mere belief,” and as it turned out the false belief, that nobody was there. [...] And after I was forced to change my belief, it was still fine.

Which threw me into a schizo affective episode.

It was really crazy, in all senses of the word.

Coming out of it, I learned a number of things (including the research around the surprising effectiveness of CBD at not only mitigating the psychosis that can occur with THC consumption, but even with schizophrenia itself).

One of the lessons that most stuck with me was just how terrible it was to feel disconnected from reality and to not be able to trust my own brain, something I'd relied on for decades.

I've been very physically ill at points in life, but those few weeks until my brain chemistry normalized again were probably my lowest point ever. I was left with a newfound respect and sympathy for people who must go through life with that always and not just as a temporary burden.

And even in that short period, as the author describes there was quickly a balancing act to the psychosis. I pictured it as a series of multi-axis sliders where as my brain would wander more towards delusions of grandeur so too came delusions of paranoia (if you're important, then you are important enough to persecute - if you aren't important, then paranoia is more easily dismissed). There's a zen quality to managing a brain that varies and wanders far outside the boundaries of the norm. Though it can only be controlled or reasoned with to a moderate degree and ends up largely a practice of staying on the board riding the wave than dictating the ebb and flow of the sea.

I was very grateful when it subsided and I was able to identify the culprit, and my heart goes out to the people who don't have an off switch to toggle. 0/5 stars - would not recommend.

Similarly, I have made a lot of progress through lifestyle changes, but also through reframing. In my case, I try to not worry about the worry, and instead experience it as transient physical and mental sensations (which it is of course). I also find that an attitude of compassion and kindness helps, to direct that feeling to myself. It's something I picked up for Buddhist practice, but compassion practices can be a very very powerful antidote to fear and anxiety for anyone. Generally, the approach is not just passive mindfulness, but active in the sense of actively trying to cultivate a counteracting emotion in the mind / body.

So I guess this is somewhat related to what you're saying. I sort of reprogrammed myself.