Ask HN: How do I make math captivating for myself?

I did a bachelor's program in computer science, which, at other universities, might be classified as a software engineering program. The curriculum focused on programming, software engineering, algorithms, and other essentials for the average developer in my country, but it lacked courses in math. This absence of math has led to occasional poor self-esteem on my part. Additionally, I've grown tired of what I can best describe as 'code monkey' grunt work, finding it lacking in intellectual stimulation. I also enjoy hacking around with machine learning in my spare time, and a stronger foundation in math would be beneficial.

This led me to study up on the prerequisites for university-level math, specifically algebra and calculus. Now, I'm on track to take courses in linear algebra and other undergraduate math subjects this spring. To prepare, I've self-studied linear algebra and it's been going well so far. However, I've noticed that my behavior is a hindrance. Allow me to explain:

As a teenager learning programming, I found it captivating. I could sit for 12 hours, completely losing track of the world, forgetting even to eat and drink. This intense focus continued through university and into my career, benefiting me greatly. I've noticed similar levels of focus when gaming or working out, a state of deep concentration.

However, this is not the case with mathematics. My mind seems to actively resist it. I catch myself thinking, 'I deserve a break for the day,' and then turn to doom-scrolling on HN, or I start considering how to make math more fun by turning it into a game and brainstorming a new programming project. This might be the first occasion I spend a considerable amount of time on something that doesn't make me "lose myself", which is unsettling. I've reflected on whether I am neurodivergent or if this is normal. Regardless, I can't change how my brain behaves, which poses a challenge to my further studies in math unless I work around it somehow.

Thus, I turn to you. Have any of you experienced something similar? Did you manage to overcome it with the help of anything more than sheer force of will?

It's very helpful to look at the applications of what you mean to study, before or as you're studying it.

Many subjects (even in computer science) can seem dull and very detached from anything useful, but later on you might realize that they're utilized for extremely cool things.

So, google for their applications, and maybe for the applications of their applications, you could find something so interesting as to make you eager to go back to the textbook.

That said, math is dry, often tedious and many if not most textbooks (definitely not all) are unnecessarily hostile towards the student. So, another advice when you're struggling with your textbook is to look at others; check carefully the reviews for books geared to your level, go at the library and see how they handle the part you're struggling with. It's actually almost always helpful to have more than one textbook at hand.

It can also be healthy to check out other fields of math, when the one you're studying is boring you to death. It's often possible to begin them without what your curriculum considers prerequisites (different textbooks rely on different prerequisites, for example); and they might renew your interest in math; you'll also often find connections to the subject you're studying, which can result in additional stimuli for forging ahead with it. For example in your situation you might have a look at topology, if you haven't taken it yet.

Finally anyhow, yes, some aspects of the present-day math are stupid ;) But alas, you'll probably have to put up with them; you can find comfort in knowing that both the higher math fields and the applications of what you study are often more intriguing :)

Oh, and struggling to study math is definitely not abnormal xD