The Never Married, a New Normal
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The Never Married, a New Normal
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Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#2In the Netherlands, there is virtually no societal difference between people that are in a long-term relationship and live together, and married people. To the point that people call themselves husband and wife if they technically 'just' live together. My German girlfriend was shocked to learn this, in other countries (and cultures) marriage really is more of a 'thing'.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#3A mentor once shared this wisdom, "In experimenting in human relationships, there is always an emotional outcome over time: lonely and irritated."
Certainly, they were right.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#4In the Netherlands, there is virtually no societal difference between people that are in a long-term relationship and live together, and married people. To the point that people call themselves husband and wife if they technically 'just' live together. My German girlfriend was shocked to learn this, in other countries (and cultures) marriage really is more of a 'thing'.
> people call themselves husband and wife
In Dutch that is just "man" en "vrouw", i.e. man and woman. For spouse they use either "partner" or "echtgenoot", only the latter of which implies marriage.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#5Marriage is a tough proposition in the west these days. The cost of childcare has never been higher, both in terms of dollars and opportunity cost, not to mention housing. Of course there are other benefits to getting married, but without the goal of family feeling attainable to many, a major driver for marriage is gone.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#6I was expecting this article to be preachy, sanctimonious, and panicked. Instead what I got was a level headed article, one that even expresses some amount of admiration for the topic.
Consider me pleasantly surprised.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#7In the Netherlands, there is virtually no societal difference between people that are in a long-term relationship and live together, and married people. To the point that people call themselves husband and wife if they technically 'just' live together. My German girlfriend was shocked to learn this, in other countries (and cultures) marriage really is more of a 'thing'.
It depends. I’d say the biggest difference is that we (I’m also German) wouldn’t call someone husband and wife when they live together, but otherwise people don’t care much (at least here in the north, the south is usually more traditional). Tax and other benefits (I married someone from non-EU which gave her a residence permit) can make marriage a practical choice, though.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#8"In fact, most never-married individuals come to see me for help dealing with parents or family members who insist that they live a more conventional lifestyle, not because they are unhappy with their choice of marital status, a lot of married people cannot say the same."
That took an unexpected, refreshing, turn.
It seems to me that the legal system around marriage is outdated and flawed compared to societal norms today. Marriage licenses are cheap, easy, and quick to get. That's not necessarily a problem on it's own. Then you have a large number of marriages that end in divorce - a process that typically costs as much as each party buying a car, and takes months or years to complete. It's never truly over as I've heard stories of people seeking amended alimony years after the divorce. It seems many of the decisions maid by the courts in this realm are absurd (like the lady who was forced to pay for her husband's "lifestyle" or watching PPV porn; or not amending monetary obligations when income changes).
It truly baffles me how alimony is even legal today. Based on how alimony is treated, marriage is essentially indentured servitude. If any company offered terms that are typically found in marriage/divorce without any disclosure/consult, they'd be getting sued by AGs.
People talk about the student loan epidemic/issues, but I feel that this one is much larger and more costly.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#9Marriage is a tough proposition in the west these days. The cost of childcare has never been higher, both in terms of dollars and opportunity cost, not to mention housing. Of course there are other benefits to getting married, but without the goal of family feeling attainable to many, a major driver for marriage is gone.
A lot of it is unknown costs too. You might know exactly what it costs to raise a child, but in the event of a divorce the support payments are based on a percent of income and not the actual cost. The courts can basically make any decision they want.
Re: The Never Married, a New Normal
#10My partner and I have been together for 7 years, we bought a house together, haven’t found a compelling reason to get married.
Marriage is a complex and binding contract that for two high earners is a tax disadvantage. The most prominent benefits I’ve learned are some situations around visitation rights, and avoiding being compelled to testify against your spouse. It comes from a very dubious history of the husband essentially owning the wife. The “commitment” of the legal marriage obviously doesn’t prevent people from falling out of love or breaking up, not that it should – if one partner stops loving another they will still leave the relationship one way or another. So, why marry — besides “tradition” and “society wants you to for whatever reason”?