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When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

thewalrus.ca

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Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#5

Post by srvmshr »

> It’s hard to accept the possibility that Judy may have completely forgotten about me, but a lifetime of living with disability has shown me how delicate human bodies and minds can be, how little it can take to dramatically, traumatically alter—or end—lives. Two rogue bones in my neck. Plaque on my beloved’s brain. Great love stories begin with such heady promise and end with such sadness and grief—but, at least in my case, also with memories of immense joy throughout a muscular marriage of two strong, supportive partners with challenges aplenty.

So poignantly expressed. I am usually skeptical of 'true love', but these kind of stories remind me I could be so utterly wrong. It is rare to find people as committed to each other as Judy & Steve.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#6

Post by mpmpmpmp »

elzbardico wrote: post #4
xwdv wrote: post #2

Having such a marriage in this day and age is truly a luxury, reserved only for the deepest of lovers.

I wonder why people downvoted you. Maybe they don't agree and it is fine, but why try to silence?

The word luxury in this context usually implies some kind of privilege. Which is a strange thing to say.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#8

Post by coldpie »

elzbardico wrote: post #4
xwdv wrote: post #2

Having such a marriage in this day and age is truly a luxury, reserved only for the deepest of lovers.

I wonder why people downvoted you. Maybe they don't agree and it is fine, but why try to silence?

I didn't downvote, but I always find "this day and age" kind of sentiments extremely eye-rolly, like things were better in some mythic past.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#9

Post by aantix »

xwdv wrote: post #2

Having such a marriage in this day and age is truly a luxury, reserved only for the deepest of lovers.

Deep love is practiced, not an accident.

I've found that when I'm honest about my feelings, even the messy ones, honest about my thoughts, even if they don't paint me in a good light, my spouse hears me and eventually, accepts me. And it makes me fall in love all over again.

It frees up my consciousness. I don't have to do the mental dance of "oh, you can say this, but don't say that. Say it this way, not that way. Don't mention this."

And I have to do my best to afford her the same.

You have the choice of either a 10 minute, awkward conversation, putting everything in on the table. But having your conscious cleared. Zero parallel threads running in the back of your mind. :)

Or keep these thoughts in the back of your head for months/years, where you expend mental energy suppressing them, sacrificing your creativity, closeness, and vitality. You'll find yourself getting mad at seemingly superficial stuff when the honest truth is because you're seething or ashamed or afraid, with so much to say.

Your choice. Choose the courageous path. Surrender the outcome.

- Learning to Speak the Microscopic Truth

https://hendricks.com/newwp/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Micro...

- Great story from Michael Brody, SAAS entrepreneur, ex-addict

(1. Practice Rigorous Authenticity, 2. Surrender the Outcome, 3. Do the Uncomfortable Work)

https://www.ted.com/talks/michael_brody_waite_great_leaders_...

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#10

Post by JohnWhigham »

elzbardico wrote: post #4
xwdv wrote: post #2

Having such a marriage in this day and age is truly a luxury, reserved only for the deepest of lovers.

I wonder why people downvoted you. Maybe they don't agree and it is fine, but why try to silence?

Bitter divorcees probably. Having a marriage like that is a luxury though. Let's be honest: marriage is not the same as it was 40-80 years ago, and that's because society is not the same it was. Long term commitment to your spouse seems to be an idea left to the past now.
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