Anger Management
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Anger Management
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Re: Anger Management
#2> My decidedly Holocaust-centric childhood failed to instill in me hostile emotions toward Nazis, or anti-Semites generally.
Stockholm syndrome?[0]
[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome
I remember a lyric by Rage Against the Machine that went:
'Anger is a gift'.
Re: Anger Management
#3> Sometimes other people help us exactly by not feeling what we feel.
Would this anger Sue Johnson and the EFT brigade? (EFT stands for emotionally focused therapist)
Re: Anger Management
#4> My decidedly Holocaust-centric childhood failed to instill in me hostile emotions toward Nazis, or anti-Semites generally. Stockholm syndrome?[0] [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome I remember a lyric by Rage Against the Machine that went: 'Anger is a gift'. Yes you can channel anger in positive ways, but I personally find it a low frequency emotion that serves no purpose.
In Buddhism anger is viewed as a poison. Over the years I am agreeing with this more and more. It seems lately it has become very fashionable to constantly being "outraged", "angry" or similar. Sometimes anger can motivate people to change things but usually it causes a lot of friction and prevents finding solutions to problems. Anger can also easily be exploited by political leaders.
Re: Anger Management
#5> A few weeks ago, I was mailing my friend a gift for his upcoming birthday when I recalled that he got me nothing for my birthday. I experienced a flash of anger, and was tempted to trash the package instead of mailing it.
This speaks more to the author’s selfishness (more accurately childishness) rather than anger. The need to be completely reciprocated in every gesture is selfish and speaks to a zero-sum mindset.
I know first-hand: Like the author I have been prone to fly off the handle much of my life, and only recently (past year or so) have realized that I was equating reciprocity with justice, and that is an incredibly narrow view of the world.
This was an eye-opener: If everyone gave only as much as they got, the world would be a significantly meaner place. Rather, it’s those who give without receiving that make the world a better place.
Since then, I stopped keeping score, give what I can when I can, and receive happily whatever is given to me, without judgement, although I am still working on that last bit (You gave me what?!?..), but then I’ve also stopped trying to be perfect.
Re: Anger Management
#6> A few weeks ago, I was mailing my friend a gift for his upcoming birthday when I recalled that he got me nothing for my birthday. I experienced a flash of anger, and was tempted to trash the package instead of mailing it. This speaks more to the author’s selfishness (more accurately childishness) rather than anger. The need to be completely reciprocated in every gesture is selfish and speaks to a zero-sum mindset.…
I think you're reading too much into the example. Later on the author expands on the event:
> He was by my side as I experienced the flash of anger—which wasn’t so much about the fact that my friend hadn’t gotten me a gift, but the fact that he had endeavored to explain it away, to make excuses for himself, and the larger pattern of behavior that was embedded in…—and that was when my eyes darted in the direction of where I knew the trash can was.
That's not even mentioning that we are not privy to all the details and history of the author's relationship with her friend.
Re: Anger Management
#7> My decidedly Holocaust-centric childhood failed to instill in me hostile emotions toward Nazis, or anti-Semites generally. Stockholm syndrome?[0] [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome I remember a lyric by Rage Against the Machine that went: 'Anger is a gift'. Yes you can channel anger in positive ways, but I personally find it a low frequency emotion that serves no purpose.
In Buddhism anger is viewed as a poison. Over the years I am agreeing with this more and more. It seems lately it has become very fashionable to constantly being "outraged", "angry" or similar. Sometimes anger can motivate people to change things but usually it causes a lot of friction and prevents finding solutions to problems. Anger can also easily be exploited by political leaders.
I've seen the phrase "Anger is a good servant but a terrible master" used to encapsulate some of this. The idea being that if you control it but get energy from it then it can be used positively, but if you become angry and lose control then that will lead to bad things.
I don't know if this can be squared with the Buddhist view however. Is seeing it as poison meant to say it's bad in all measures, or is there an appreciation of the dose making the poison?
Re: Anger Management
#8> A few weeks ago, I was mailing my friend a gift for his upcoming birthday when I recalled that he got me nothing for my birthday. I experienced a flash of anger, and was tempted to trash the package instead of mailing it. This speaks more to the author’s selfishness (more accurately childishness) rather than anger. The need to be completely reciprocated in every gesture is selfish and speaks to a zero-sum mindset.…
I disagree. There's nothing childish about "a flash of anger" - most people have many small impulses and feelings.
I'd bet many people might make a small joke about the situation - but the joke depends on precisely that small unhappiness, even if they won't admit it (or can't, because they're not aware of it).
"A flash of anger" (in the author's words) is very different from "fly[ing] off the handle" (in your words). Only the latter is childish.
Being aware of the former sounds like your mature, balanced last sentence, where you still might have a little judgment about what you've been given but you're still responding with grace to the other person.
Re: Anger Management
#9> A few weeks ago, I was mailing my friend a gift for his upcoming birthday when I recalled that he got me nothing for my birthday. I experienced a flash of anger, and was tempted to trash the package instead of mailing it. This speaks more to the author’s selfishness (more accurately childishness) rather than anger. The need to be completely reciprocated in every gesture is selfish and speaks to a zero-sum mindset.…
It's all wise but when you keep giving more than you receieve, you end up d[r]ying faster.
Re: Anger Management
#10Earlier quoted context omitted.
In Buddhism anger is viewed as a poison. Over the years I am agreeing with this more and more. It seems lately it has become very fashionable to constantly being "outraged", "angry" or similar. Sometimes anger can motivate people to change things but usually it causes a lot of friction and prevents finding solutions to problems. Anger can also easily be exploited by political leaders.
I've seen the phrase "Anger is a good servant but a terrible master" used to encapsulate some of this. The idea being that if you control it but get energy from it then it can be used positively, but if you become angry and lose control then that will lead to bad things. I don't know if this can be squared with the Buddhist view however. Is seeing it as poison meant to say it's bad in all measures, or is there an app…
Yeah I subscribe to that. Anger is a good sign, let it out slightly to get the message across, don't let it boil in, don't let it rot but don't ignore it.