Ask HN: Overcoming Burnout / Imposter Syndrome

#1

Post by hehsjsbb » Thu, Aug 20, 2020, 12:36 PM UTC

The past 2 years have been pretty rough for me professionally. At my previous job I was asked to lead a massive compliance effort that was doomed to fail, and then moved onto a team that had very little technical work and which was constantly blocked by internal politics. Instead of working on interesting technical projects I became bitter and cynical as it became increasingly clear it would be impossible to accomplish anything.

I found a new role with a small start-up where it seemed like I would be able to build meaningful things and collaborate with people again. I took some time off and tried to come at it with a clear head, but there have already been a few discouraging situations where I feel like my coworkers don't respect me. The work that I have done doesn't seem meaningful, it's kind of "leftovers" that nobody else on the team wants to do. On a few occasions I tried to make proposals but they were heavily criticized.

At this point I feel extremely isolated from the team, and like all I can do is stay out of the way and do what people ask. I'm constantly worried about being told I'm not good enough technically. I've basically given up on trying to have an opinion because it doesn't seem to matter.

Does anyone have advice? I feel like if I could take on one big project and be successful it might make everything click. But I've also read that working harder feeds into burnout and the best solution would be to disengage and take 3-6 months off.

Re: Ask HN: Overcoming Burnout / Imposter Syndrome

#2

Post by tdhz77 » Thu, Aug 20, 2020, 1:17 PM UTC

It gets better. Respect comes with time. I would be patient and play the long game. I’ve been through this at every job I have ever had. I didn’t go to an IVY league school and others held it against me. You must not give up. Your time will come.

Re: Ask HN: Overcoming Burnout / Imposter Syndrome

#3

Post by andrefuchs » Thu, Aug 20, 2020, 1:27 PM UTC

I'm sorry you're going through this. You're absolutely right that working harder is not the solution.

My advice would be to talk to the team or HR about your negative experiences.

If that doesn't help update your resume/portfolio and start finding a new job. (while you're still employed) Please don't stay too long in such a toxic environment - it's not worth it. I don't know you but I don't think you will have a hard time getting a new job.

You can get rid of the imposter syndrome with the help of a cognitive behavioral therapy.

I wish you all the best.

Re: Ask HN: Overcoming Burnout / Imposter Syndrome

#4

Post by hehsjsbb » Thu, Aug 20, 2020, 1:40 PM UTC

andrefuchs wrote: post #3

I'm sorry you're going through this. You're absolutely right that working harder is not the solution. My advice would be to talk to the team or HR about your negative experiences. If that doesn't help update your resume/portfolio and start finding a new job. (while you're still employed) Please don't stay too long in such a toxic environment - it's not worth it. I don't know you but I don't think you will have a hard…

Thanks for the kind advice :)

My worry is that jumping immediately to a new job might just restart the cycle, especially during COVID when I can't interact with the team in person.

I am working with a psychologist but I might try and focus more specifically on the imposter syndrome.

Re: Ask HN: Overcoming Burnout / Imposter Syndrome

#5

Post by hehsjsbb » Thu, Aug 20, 2020, 1:46 PM UTC

tdhz77 wrote: post #2

It gets better. Respect comes with time. I would be patient and play the long game. I’ve been through this at every job I have ever had. I didn’t go to an IVY league school and others held it against me. You must not give up. Your time will come.

For some more background, I've been working in the industry for 10 years. In the past imposter syndrome was a barrier but there was interesting work and I got regular feedback from my team that made me feel included. It's only recently that I've become apathetic and withdrawn from giving my opinions.

Re: Ask HN: Overcoming Burnout / Imposter Syndrome

#6

Post by gjvc » Thu, Aug 20, 2020, 2:08 PM UTC

> On a few occasions I tried to make proposals but they were heavily criticized.

I'm going to overload on metaphors, I hope you don't mind. :-) Sounds like perhaps you are encountering a cultural impedance mismatch. While you might be thinking that the way forward on some project is to get some shared knowledge and understanding of a problem you see needing a solution, this can sometimes be taken as idle speculation, when in fact it's an earnest attempt at vigorous debate.

If you find yourself in this situation, stop, relax, and take a deep breath. As others have noted, "trying / working harder" will not work. You need to try a different approach to get a different outcome.

Remember, in smaller outfits, "implementation is 9/10ths of the law". If you have some running code which solves or automates a problem, and is presented well, then only the most foolhardy of people will stand in your way. See if you can work up a prototype / proof of concept on the quiet, then demonstrate it. If it's truly worthwhile, or even if it isn't the reception you get should be all the message you need as to what to do next.

If all else fails, quit. No matter where you are, the opportunity set afforded by the world at large is bigger than your current situation. That's reason enough to be cheerful. Good luck. :-)

Re: Ask HN: Overcoming Burnout / Imposter Syndrome

#7

Post by gjvc » Thu, Aug 20, 2020, 2:20 PM UTC

hehsjsbb wrote: post #5

tdhz77 wrote: post #2

It gets better. Respect comes with time. I would be patient and play the long game. I’ve been through this at every job I have ever had. I didn’t go to an IVY league school and others held it against me. You must not give up. Your time will come.

For some more background, I've been working in the industry for 10 years. In the past imposter syndrome was a barrier but there was interesting work and I got regular feedback from my team that made me feel included. It's only recently that I've become apathetic and withdrawn from giving my opinions.

This is known as "not putting your hand back on the stove". Perfectly understandable. Next, please realise that you need to be in a place where your experience is valued.

Re: Ask HN: Overcoming Burnout / Imposter Syndrome

#8

Post by hehsjsbb » Thu, Aug 20, 2020, 2:36 PM UTC

gjvc wrote: post #6

> On a few occasions I tried to make proposals but they were heavily criticized. I'm going to overload on metaphors, I hope you don't mind. :-) Sounds like perhaps you are encountering a cultural impedance mismatch. While you might be thinking that the way forward on some project is to get some shared knowledge and understanding of a problem you see needing a solution, this can sometimes be taken as idle speculation,…

Ironically I'm a "implementation is 9/10ths of the law" believer, the proposals were PRs and working demos. Despite being a small start-up the team is not really into iterative development so much as lots of up-front planning and theory followed by big polished PRs.

I agree if I'm going to succeed I'll need to change my approach. I usually learn by doing and experimenting but it's tough to make incremental changes here to understand the codebase better

Re: Ask HN: Overcoming Burnout / Imposter Syndrome

#9

Post by janbernhart » Thu, Aug 20, 2020, 2:45 PM UTC

This doesn't read like Imposter Syndrome, but rather not being aligned with culture/way of working of your current company/team. I've been in that situation and tried working harder. It just made the problem bigger.

If you have a good leader that you trust in your company, have this conversation with him/her. Approach this in a way of how you can be of more value, rather than criticizing the team.

Re: Ask HN: Overcoming Burnout / Imposter Syndrome

#10

Post by gjvc » Thu, Aug 20, 2020, 2:58 PM UTC

hehsjsbb wrote: post #8

gjvc wrote: post #6

> On a few occasions I tried to make proposals but they were heavily criticized. I'm going to overload on metaphors, I hope you don't mind. :-) Sounds like perhaps you are encountering a cultural impedance mismatch. While you might be thinking that the way forward on some project is to get some shared knowledge and understanding of a problem you see needing a solution, this can sometimes be taken as idle speculation,…

Ironically I'm a "implementation is 9/10ths of the law" believer, the proposals were PRs and working demos. Despite being a small start-up the team is not really into iterative development so much as lots of up-front planning and theory followed by big polished PRs. I agree if I'm going to succeed I'll need to change my approach. I usually learn by doing and experimenting but it's tough to make incremental changes he…

Wow. That's tough. If a working demo doesn't convince them, I'm not sure what will. "See this? Do you want this?" is a pretty simple question. Do they need more evidence of unit- and integration testing? Do they need some/more user feedback before proceeding?

Remember, some people don't listen to reason, some of your wise seed will fall on rocky ground, and don't try to teach a pig to sing. I'll stop now :-) Best of luck again.