Emotional debt in startups
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Emotional debt in startups
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Re: Emotional debt in startups
#2I like viewing groups as emotional systems, probably more than is helpful in a work environment, but I think some of this could be worth mentioning.
> Therapy (with a body focus) ... IFS (I tend to recommend against traditional talk therapy, I find it a poor way to deal with ourselves)
Though in the end they probably won't be helpful for anything more than soft skills, since it's work.
On the subject of family therapy things in general, the broad concepts taught in them are so good, some of them can come up in groups and basic interaction.
- Triangulation: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangulation_(psychology)#Fam...
- The 8 concepts here: https://thebowencenter.org/theory/eight-concepts/ (triangles are the first one)
Good ones: Murray Bowen, Salvador Minuchin, Virginia Satir
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLQOWoom2d0 (Bowen), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJEewdFPB7M (Minuchin), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql3mPOcX7kY (Satir)
Good book: Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model
As I say this though, Family therapy is intense stuff that I don't think would make sense out of nowhere. Unless they were open minded and willing to put the legwork in. I've been exposed to it many times over years and didn't really connect with it.
Ever been through family / life / circumstances where you were dependent on a selfish jerk who viewed others as their own pin cushion, with no interest in cooperation? Come out of those a couple of times, then look these concepts/books up. You'll get where they're coming from!
Re: Emotional debt in startups
#3I don't entirely agree with the concept. Going through stressful situations can either hack away at your being or it can help make you a more informed and resilient person.
Pain can either be useful or useless. Physical exercise is painful. That's useful pain. Falling down and breaking your hip is useless pain.
Many of the stressful and painful situations in starting a company are actually extremely valuable life lessons. Learning how to continue after hearing "no" multiple times, criticism and doubt, continuing to be productive despite uncertainty. All of these traits can really only be developed through trial by fire.
There are some emotional situations though that are useless. The pain teaches you little to nothing. Even these situations can teach us acceptance over the things we can't control.
I believe pain is necessary to feel to grow. You have to take the time to absorb it properly though or else it can destroy you. The only way you can build emotional debt is by trying to forget about it, shoving it into a tiny box in your brain until it explodes out. If you take the time to self reflect and even just acknowledge pain, allowing yourself to experience sadness, you can better yourself in a way impossible without it.
Re: Emotional debt in startups
#4I don't entirely agree with the concept. Going through stressful situations can either hack away at your being or it can help make you a more informed and resilient person. Pain can either be useful or useless. Physical exercise is painful. That's useful pain. Falling down and breaking your hip is useless pain. Many of the stressful and painful situations in starting a company are actually extremely valuable life les…
> I don't entirely agree with the concept. Going through stressful situations can either hack away at your being or it can help make you a more informed and resilient person.
> Pain can either be useful or useless. Physical exercise is painful. That's useful pain. Falling down and breaking your hip is useless pain.
In my experience it's not either/or, it's both. I've been in traumatic experiences during which I've told myself that I would come out on the other side better from the experience, and I have. That doesn't and didn't make the experience more bearable while I was undergoing it. It may have offered comfort but not much, and even then in the moment I felt guilty for feeling like I was experiencing something positive (the comfort).
Re: Emotional debt in startups
#5I agree with this article, from a slightly different perspective.
I’m a solo founder, company started 2015, went through accelerator, VC funding, etc.
There’s a certain level of emotional stress I can handle, and with everything that goes into making a startup succeed, I was right at my limit for multiple years.
Looking back (with my startup profitable, stable, running well), the thing I hate thinking about most is simply that I’ve lost 4 years of my 20’s that I could have used dating, finding “the one”.
Now I’m 28, still not “too late” by any measure, but now in “catch up” mode as far as dating goes.
For many founders, the same applies to becoming disconnected with family and friends. Founders endure an enormous amount of stress, and the simplest way to cope (when you have the mindset “startup over everything”) is to simplify and strip one’s life of everything outside your startup, which I absolutely don’t recommend, but am guilty of doing and I think is a not so uncommon thing amongst founders as a whole.
Maybe it’s not emotional debt in the same way as technical debt, but there is a time debt that results from prioritizing 1 thing so highly, and pushing all else to the side, often years on end. When you come around the other side and realize it 3-4 years later, it’s difficult.
Re: Emotional debt in startups
#6Glad to see this kind of stuff coming out into the mainstream. I think the author did a good job of normalizing and explaining this.
Re: Emotional debt in startups
#7I don't entirely agree with the concept. Going through stressful situations can either hack away at your being or it can help make you a more informed and resilient person. Pain can either be useful or useless. Physical exercise is painful. That's useful pain. Falling down and breaking your hip is useless pain. Many of the stressful and painful situations in starting a company are actually extremely valuable life les…
> I don't entirely agree with the concept. Going through stressful situations can either hack away at your being or it can help make you a more informed and resilient person. > Pain can either be useful or useless. Physical exercise is painful. That's useful pain. Falling down and breaking your hip is useless pain. In my experience it's not either/or, it's both. I've been in traumatic experiences during which I've to…
It always sucks when you experience it in the moment. This is me with knowing a lot about the meditation and concentration techniques, and having been through numerous rough cycles.
Re: Emotional debt in startups
#8I don't entirely agree with the concept. Going through stressful situations can either hack away at your being or it can help make you a more informed and resilient person. Pain can either be useful or useless. Physical exercise is painful. That's useful pain. Falling down and breaking your hip is useless pain. Many of the stressful and painful situations in starting a company are actually extremely valuable life les…
> I don't entirely agree with the concept. Going through stressful situations can either hack away at your being or it can help make you a more informed and resilient person. > Pain can either be useful or useless. Physical exercise is painful. That's useful pain. Falling down and breaking your hip is useless pain. In my experience it's not either/or, it's both. I've been in traumatic experiences during which I've to…
You're right that it's not always the either/or. A single experience can help in some ways and hurt in others. Maybe a better way to phrase it is that there are some painful experiences that teach us to change ourselves and others that help us learn acceptance and resilience.
I also agree with your sentiment that while you're going through it, you may not really care or not if it makes you a better person in the long term. The immediate pain can be overwhelming.
I do believe we should engage our painful experiences though. Really self reflect on them and allow ourselves to feel the emotion. Avoidance is the only surefire way to build debt.
Re: Emotional debt in startups
#9There's a cost of ownership here and it's bigger than most people think. You see the success stories, the dramatizations ...
Very few entrepreneurs are able to let go. At 5 p.m. At 3 a.m. On the weekends. On your wedding day.
It can consume you, particularly if you've tied its success directly to your ego.
Hard for me to not think about the late nights with the laptop. Even after getting married. Even after having a kid. Being tired as hell and not playing with the kid. Not taking the wife on a date in years.
Lot of success stories. Lot of untold cautionary tales.
Re: Emotional debt in startups
#10I hear you. I also think framing emotions through an analogy of finance send you down the wrong path.
It requires a great deal of emotional energy to do things that are uncomfortable. And stretching yourself beyond your comfort zone as first time founder compounds the experience. But emotional “debt” cannot be paid back in the same way technical or monetary debt can be. Those are tools. Pushing yourself too hard can destroy you and your capacity to achieve your goals.
Treat your feelings more like gas in a gas tank with no gas station for 100s of miles. You can drive as fast or inefficiently as you’d like; just remember you’re walking the rest of the way.