Ask HN: How do you make a big life change?

#1

Post by temdbej » Sun, Apr 07, 2019, 8:14 AM UTC

Throwaway account. I’m 31, gay male, single, live in SF. I’ve worked in tech in various non-technical roles for a few years and managed to save $1m getting lucky being in the right place at the right time.

I’m not really a career person and career has gone sideways for some time. I don’t see myself being a VC-backed founder or VC or tech exec anytime soon. I don’t really enjoy the SF tech scene. I’m also terrible at networking.

I don’t have any particular need to stay in SF but feel adrift and unsure what to do with myself.

I’m aware I’m in a privileged situation.

Anyone face a similar situation? How did you decide what to do next?

Re: Ask HN: How do you make a big life change?

#2

Post by duiker101 » Sun, Apr 07, 2019, 8:29 AM UTC

When I felt a bit in a similar situation I jumped ship. I moved country (Easier for me, since I live in Europe) and I changed everything. New friends, new hobbies. The amount of things you learn when putting yourself in "uncomfortable" situations is incredible. I am aware this is not an easy change, but for me it was easier to do it jumping in with both feets. I did it 3 times, and I always jumped in the unknown. I always landed better off than I left.

Re: Ask HN: How do you make a big life change?

#3

Post by Phithagoras » Sun, Apr 07, 2019, 5:30 PM UTC

Leave all your stuff with a trusted friend. Buy a harness, a tent, sleeping bag, and TC Pro shoes. Put it in a backpack. Don't bring anything else. Pull out $500 cash from the bank, get on a bus and go to Yosemite. Live in Camp 4. Meet the dirtbags, learn to climb. When the rangers kick you out follow the migration and go to Index, or Squamish.

Re: Ask HN: How do you make a big life change?

#4

Post by AKhoo » Sun, Apr 07, 2019, 7:01 PM UTC

Two things have helped when I've felt adrift in the past:

* Reflection: Think about what activities are really useful for introspection (this is person-specific) and do a lot of it. For me, it's journaling -- I started writing a lot. I came across an interesting site recently (750words.com) where people write 3 pages a day and it trains you to just get your thoughts out. Seems interesting.

* Make a big change to your environment: Take a sabbatical or a big trip. Go to a place where you can immerse yourself in an environment that feels completely different. Actively try to get inspired and to find yourself.

Good luck, friend!

Re: Ask HN: How do you make a big life change?

#5

Post by milquetoastaf » Mon, Apr 08, 2019, 1:49 AM UTC

use the so called million to make the world better or why bother

Re: Ask HN: How do you make a big life change?

#6

Post by askafriend » Mon, Apr 08, 2019, 3:16 AM UTC

$1m affords you a lot of options.

You can quit your job and take some time off to figure out what you want to do next.

Re: Ask HN: How do you make a big life change?

#7

Post by ryanchants » Tue, Apr 09, 2019, 12:14 AM UTC

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and have started making the effort to save money so I can take a few months off when I'm done with this job.

I've gotten halfway there without changing much. Reading Lead Yourself First and Digital Minimalism have taught me the importance of being intentful with anything you do and to leave yourself time alone with your own thoughts. The latter has proven especially useful for me recently.

Re: Ask HN: How do you make a big life change?

#8

Post by sixQuarks » Tue, Apr 09, 2019, 4:02 AM UTC

Go travel the world and stay in hostels

Re: Ask HN: How do you make a big life change?

#9

Post by quickthrower2 » Tue, Apr 09, 2019, 8:16 AM UTC

Only you can answer that question. What do you love doing? Do more of that. With 1m and no one to support you might not need to work again, but that doesn’t mean you can’t!

Re: Ask HN: How do you make a big life change?

#10

Post by csomar » Wed, Apr 10, 2019, 10:48 AM UTC

Move.

The location you are staying in has become toxic to you. For whatever reason. Go to a gay-friendly location so that you don't hate yourself. You might like a city/place and "life" because of a coffee shop.

Obviously, life is more complicated than that and you'll need infrastructure from time to time and maybe daily. If I were you, I'll look up gay-friendly locations and give them a short trip. Minimize costs as much as possible.

Don't stay in tourist friendly locations. Try to go to places you'd go if you were living there. See what it feels like. Some country/community/city will be a right match for you and then you'll fix a significant psychological problem.